Occasional Tales

Another bullet dodged. We have the IB people here interrupting the mocks. Our beloved AQMs, both of them, were supposed to be along for the ride, but that woman was unable to make it, thus sparing me from another round of pretending that it’s important to know whether students are learning or enjoying themselves doing it. I’ve been thinking back to my own school days. I don’t recall teachers worrying about whether we were actually learning anything or whether they were sufficiently entertaining. I know my history teacher one year was dull and I used to struggle to remain awake in his late-afternoon classes, but I didn’t sit there wishing we could draw some pictures or that he’d bounce and caper in an amusing fashion. As for more practical contemporary matters, we’re in the middle of the mocks with the actual speaking exam not so far away, and the rest of the final exams not so long after that. Now is not the time to be doing edu­tainment, but it is, rather, to be doing cold,...

I can’t hear anything above 13,000Hz. We conducted practice speaking tests last week in anticipation of the actual speaking some time around the middle of next month. There were four of us to do the examining, but we only tested the new Senior 2s in addition to the Senior 1 classes, which kept the whole thing to two days. Next time, though, there will only be three of us to do the examination because the boys failed the accreditation (including a qualified IELTS examiner), and there will be nearly two hundred students. Speaking is a draining exam because the examiner has to concentrate for long periods of time listening to some unutterable drivel. By the end of the day it’s hard for examiners to maintain any sort of focus. They might suddenly recall that they’re meant to be paying attention, or they might pay attention and assign a particular mark only to forget quite why. Students get themselves really wound up about the speaking. They haven’t done enough to improve their c...

All excitement all the time!! (With added exclamation marks.) I’ve been doing some more wondering. This time it’s how to bring all that screaming excitement to class which the edutainment people want to see. Speaking We could have lively debates and discussions about matters of topical interest. Oh, hang on. Students know little or nothing about what’s going on in the big wide world (or even in the Empire; if I mentioned Bo Xilai there’s a good chance they’d think he was the President of Taiwan) and would soon wear out their English before the debate or discussion could even be described as lively. Listening I have every episode of A History of the World in 100 Objects from the BBC. It’s all fascinating stuff and not too long, but the content would probably fly over the heads of students without a great deal of preparation. The usual stuff they listen to is staged, slow, and practical. Reading There are all sorts of interesting things which students could read and wh...

The uniformity of the human mind. It’s Saturday, wet, and I’m marking next lot of listening tests. If I don’t do this lot now, I’m going to have them and the writing I gave my classes as homework piling up on me. Don’t copy off each other , I tell them. The tests are informal, but I’d like them to do their own work. I’m not seeing that because Student B’s answers match Student A’s a little too closely. 23. What tends to affect everyone’s ability to think clearly? Students A and B: Gender. What are the odds? Actual answer: either Anxiety or Worry. And there we go again. Students C and D have both written “fishing” as the answer to the second question. (See also below for another answer to this question.) But then they diverge for a time before drifting back together. 15. What was her attitude if the seeds she planted failed to grow? Student’s answer: Vegetables. Mariella looked at the lifeless soil. “Vegetables!” she swore to herself.  21. What lifestyle fa...

My charmed life. Actually, my life is not always charmed, but by and large I do seem to get out of tight spots by sheer good fortune. In this case, the Ra-Ra Squad got blown off course and I may not see them again any time soon. I did go ahead with Kindergarten Class, which kept the little darlings happy. Did they learn anything? Of course not, but there are some pictures and some English in the classroom. Meanwhile, a few howlers from the practice listening test: 9. The most challenging aspects of the job for Mike: (i) understanding how [ typical student answer ] bird might actually work. The correct answer is about how the bird’s mind works. So far no one’s answered this correctly. 16. What made the interviewer aware that Mariella had won a number of awards for gardening? Student’s answer : Saw a b[u]cket someone threw away.  18. Why is she taking her grandsons to Jamaica with her? Student’s answer : Want them to feel the freedom of the Ireland. Student’s ans...

The weather remains refreshingly appalling. February dragged on and on and on. Term didn’t start marvellously well not only because I was so very ill (long before it became fashionable), but also because the inspectors called early on, and they called with an agenda. I may teach in a school, but I’m not a school teacher, trained or otherwise. I’ve always done things in my own way, taking cues from colleagues now and then. My method, which has no scientific rigour, cannot be complete rubbish because the exam results haven’t been so bad as to suggest that I was going about my business in the wrong way. I suppose the results can be attributed to the native wit of my pupils; I’ve never really supposed that I can claim any genuine responsibility for their success. The ones who are doomed to U’s will never strive to better themselves, and I’ve been teaching the brats of the Empire long enough to know that the old adage “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink” is true....