Occasional Tales

“Well, just eat the chips.” Professor Quesay, who has been studying the Alloi tribe, is invited to Grandpa Alloi’s seventieth birthday dinner. During the course of the meal, he wonders where the old man is, and then sees his glasses in the tureen. Professor Quesay, who’s obviously rather absent-minded, only then remembers that in Alloi society, it’s the duty of the children to kill their parents when they reach the age of 70 and eat the body. The professor turns rather green now that he realises what, well, who he’s been eating. Of course, it’s a great insult to turn down the fare on offer. There’s nothing Professor Quesay can do; and why shouldn’t he continue to enjoy the meal as he did initially? When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Custom is king. The professor may not like it, but he can only lump it. The Alloi would probably wonder what sort of weird society interred or cremated their dead. Anyway, dog rescue tomorrow. A heart-warming story from the Trevor MacDonald And Finally… se...

Try killing the boyfriend. We’re still in Relatavia for one last visit today and this time into the murky world of honour killing. Jonathan has been going out with Sally, who’s a Lovelander (not that that really matters) without his mother’s permission. She summons the women of the family together who decide that Jonathan must pay the penalty for his filial impiety, and shoot him. A policewoman come round to check on the noise as the family is disposing of the body. When she learns what happened, she tells them it’s now against the law and she’ll have to impose a fine. Mother is outraged and thinks everyone has lost their sense of right and wrong. Is the policewoman right to impose the fine? As one of the Relatavian delegation to Hairland noted, it might not’ve been right yesterday; it might not be right tomorrow; but if it’s right today, then it must be respected. In other words, if Relatavian law says it’s wrong, then the policewoman ought to fine the family. Mother may be outraged, ...

Well, just eat the chips. The Chief Minister of Hairland listens to the Relatavians for a time and then silences them. He tells the Relatavians that the custom after people have had a disagreement is to go on a Baldie Hunt, which will provide them with something to eat afterwards. Most of the Relatavian delegation agree that customs must be respected (partly out of fear that something worse may result if they don’t acquiesce). The Baldie member of the delegation wonders whether they have any principles at all. But the hunt is exciting and the subsequent banquet very tasty. The trade talks are successful and the Relatavians go home. Some time later, though, a Loveland newspaper publishes the background to the agreement and claims that it’s all rather unethical and a betrayal of principle. The Relatavians wonder whose principle has been betrayed and the story fades away since eating people is a minor ethical matter when it’s done amicably. The discussion in the back of the book can be bo...