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FH5, Series 56, Week 4

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A slightly late post because I’ve been on my travels. Impertinence of the week: age verification. While I look nothing like an 18-year-old, I’m sure the system said to itself, “Hmmm, ’bout 45±15, I reckon.” At least, I’m pretty sure it said that. Nonetheless, parents! it’s your responsibility to monitor your children, not the government’s to do it for you and thus ruin everyone else’s fun. We start with a treasure hunt. Picture of a Ford Falcon in front of that waterfall. And in case you think I’m being a miser, I actually spent some FPs in the Forzathon Shop on a horn that I’ll never ever use. The weekly was in the 2000 Nissan Silvia Spec R. The race was all right, but after two weeks of doing the bare minimum in the game, I was more than a little rusty. My attempts to do the drift tasks were, erm, painful. All right, so I was trying to do this RWD, which I’m terrible at, but I didn’t want to do a drivetrain swap [ Lazy old git . –ed.] The trick for the ultimate drifts seemed to be to...
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FH5, Series 56, Week 3

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As ever we start with the… Oh, not this week. Instead, the weekly in the Hoonitruck because the Lunar New Year is all about American vehicles. Turns out I have somehow acquired four of them. The drift tap was as random as ever as I drifted incompetently through Mulegé knowing that I’d eventually achieve this feat. The race up the Volcán Sprint seemed sadistic. I used the i30N for the PR stunts, but realised that the car needed to be all engine and not much else. Cascadas . Tree! Do it again. Not enough power. Add more engine (and don’t hit the tree). Rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the other two DSs and got a one-third very good SWS and a one-third excellent one. Photo. Won a stupid prize. How satisfying my life’s achievements are. EventLab (1). Arcadia Recension . Great visuals. Needs more practice. Rubbish SWS. Eventlab (2). Hilltop Scramble . A descent circuit with good use of props. I hear that in FH6 we’ll be able to place starting points anywhere, which is a good thing. I used to loo...
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FH5, Series 56, Week 2

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Treasure hunt. Drift three times in a Jag and then go to the stadium to find the treasure. I now have over 161,000 FPs. I could buy a third Sián roadster, but I have two and drive neither. The weekly. The Lexus LFA. Complete the Trial to get it if you don’t have at least three already (and now a fourth from doing the Trial). All straightforward. I one-shotted all the PR stunts this week in the Lynk & Co. Cyan Racing car. Rewards included a one-third excellent SWS, which is a rare thing. Back to the stadium to take a piccie. Reward: an emote that I probably already have and would never use. I expect such childishness to carry over into FH6. Eventlab (1) was Sterlings ( Sterling’s ?) Nuggets Circuit . Good layout and a decent length, but suffering from that usual rubbish road surface. I felt the fence prop was over used when the usual barriers would mostly have been sufficient. I used the Lynk & Co. Cyan Racing car again. One-third good SWS. Eventlab (2) was Autodromo Int. B. Ce...
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FH5, Series 56, Week 1

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Treasure hunt. Five jumps in the Austin-Healey Sprite. I thought the land between Mulegé and the main Festival site would make it easy, but the car seemed determined to stick to the ground. The treasure is in that open cave in the south-east of Ek’ Balam. The weekly. The FD Corvette. I did a bit of fiddling with the tuning, which seemed to help, and had no problems completing the various tasks. Four Rivals events, three of them in EVs that I otherwise never ever drive. It was nice to drive the Lynk & Co. 02 with its gears. I one-shotted Cara Este by a decent margin and got a third FD Nissan. I did the same to Polytunnels (one-third good SWS) and Camino del Montaña , but in the latter, I just managed to hit the target at the end of the DZ. Got a Ferrari Dino out of the SWS, which I gave away. Took a photo, and did a drift HA. Eventlab (1) was Don Joe Won Song’s Utopia Gardens Recension is a very artistic piece of work, but clearly aimed at the more stunt-driving end of the market....
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FH5, Series 55, Week 4

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Treasure hunt. Picture of off-roader in Teotihuacán. Treasure in stadium again. Thank the gods I’ll never have to do that again. Meanwhile, in Horizon 6 … The weekly. The Jaguar E-Type. For bonus irony points, I drove the one with the Lunar New Year livery. I have three with this paint job because not long after we did that series, less enlightened people seemed desperate to get rid of them. The ST was no problem in the GTC4 Lusso for an SWS that was one-third good and one-third very good. And then we come to that sodding SZ. It was a case of bashing away at it in the Ferrari Enzo until – as on every other occasion – the Forza gods smiled with malign benevolence and gave my car a nudge to just pass the required speed. The tank detective is on the hotel balcony off to the right of the jump. I knew it was somewhere around there, but I ended up one level down. Made no difference when I took the piccie. The HW PR stunt was another nuisance thing, where I’d appreciate it if either a.) any A...
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FH6, first reveal

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I’m just repeating what I’ve seen via various sources. Feel free to say, “You have nothing new to say, you dribbling git.” Release date confirmed. All right, I’ve bought it. The whole thing. Well, best to do it while I’m feeling rich. Well, not too indigent. The price is exactly what I predicted it’d be, although I feel that I ought to get a discount for buying all the Horizon 5 dlc. In due course, watch me be unimpressed by the expansions. Progression will mean something to the old lags who were around back in the day. I was never there, but I was an old lag anyway. Players will start the game as a tourist (shades of FH5 difficulty settings) and need to qualify to enter the Festival. Wristbands, which sort of made a vague appearance in FH4 if I remember correctly, are back. We’ll need to do some showcase to complete a tier to go up to the next wristband, with gold wristband granting access to Legend Island, where there’s meant to be a bunch of stuff to do. The question is how grindy w...
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FH5, Series 55, Week 3

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Treasure hunt. Spend CR30,000 on a Lancer Evo. Drive round the stadium maze to get your reward. I don’t know how many FPs I have this week. Last week it was 152,000 or so. The weekly. The Isetta. I had to do an engine swap for this, but left it RWD. It wasn’t as awful as I feared. I repainted it in two-tone red and satin bronze. Rather fetching. I have a note that I took a photo. Oh, that’s right. The detective statuette at the airfield, which is over the far side (south) on one of the half fuselages of the planes. I did the SZ in the Ford Ranger T6 with a decent run-up. It held its speed well for a one-third very good SWS. The DZ ended up being easy money in the Escort RS 1800. I pumped up the tyres and slid around like I knew what I was doing. One-third good SWS and the Valhalla Concept, which I gave away. Did the recipient thank me? No. Rude bastard. Drive round the stadium maze aimlessly. Crash into the tank detectives. Complete a task. What a satisfying life I lead. Eventlab. Mini...
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