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FH5, Series 58, Week 1

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Treasure hunt. Win a race in a track toy. I picked the M3 GTR and found it to be rather slidey. Perhaps it’s better in A class. Got my 300 FPs and now have 174,373 FPs. The weekly in the KTM X-Bow went smoothly, although getting 12 stars from STs was a bit of a grind. Then again, I couldn’t be bothered buffing it up to go vroom. Rivals was all Audis. Some EV which, I think, I’ve only ever driven once, and the other one, which I’ve probably driven twice. Only one Eventlab this week, viz. High Speed Ring 5 Runden in GT cars. Dirt racing? I do wish the tiles would specifically state the surface. I picked the Cyberster because it’s AWD and I didn’t want to find myself making myself an arse on grass. There was no grass, but I was still an arse. [ Poetry? Please stop . –ed.] The layout was undemanding, but I wish I’d picked a better car to drive. The reward: clothing. I took a photo. I got more clothing. Naturally, sexiness ensues. Steady, ladies! I one-shotted the Hotel DS in the Internati...
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FH5, Series 57, Week 4

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 I started with the treasure hunt. Do a DS in any Supra. The treasure is in the castle car park. The weekly was in the 1997 Honda Civic Type R. Mine was in A class, but revving like it was S2 class. I rebuilt it, and more or less got the same thing. Probably best in B class. I did the photo in Ek’ Balam because it also took care of the photo challenge. I one-shotted all of the PWR stunts and PB’ed the DS in the International Scout. I also got a three-car SWS for the DZ, but sold them as I’m fed up with the absence of any expressions of gratitude from recipients of the decent cars which I’ve been giving away. (Gifting is an aspect of FH5 which, I hope, we never see again.) I also one-shotted the HW and RA PR stunts, but the latter got me a rubbish SWS. Eventlab (1). Touge Battle . Night time. Ugh. Annoying, narrow course. Ugh. Props fairly decent. Eventlab (2). Cobra Drift Park . Stupid, ridiculous layout, which I think I cheated to complete because I was suddenly going in the wrong...
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FH5, Series 57, Week 3

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Straight onto the weekly in the Mazda RX-7 Spirit. Bunch of nuisance activities. I like the car well enough, though. I moved on to the PR stunts. One of these days I must try building something in S2 class for rural STs and the like. I do have my low S2-class International Scout, but need something much faster. Can’t help but predict that I’ll still make an arse of myself several times before completing the stunt. One-third excellent SWS and an Ultima, which I gave away. I one-shotted the DZ, but barely (i.e., not my finest hour). One-third very good SWS. I was rewarded for incompetence, but this does seem to be the way of the world. Eventlab (1). Imperial Circuit . Layout, good; props, good. SWS included two cars, but not ones worth inflicting… I mean, donating to some anonymous, worthy player. Eventlab (2). Puanke Hill Touge . Good for testing a car’s first three gears and its ability to turn tight corners. Bizarre finish line. I don’t understand the appeal of this sort of thing, whi...
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FH5, Series 57, Week 2

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Drive a Nissan 370Z in SZs for 370 seconds (?), at 370kmh (?), for a total of 370kmh (?) I well buffed by 370Z and blasted through Trébol at 390kmh. Nothing happened. I had to watch Stevio’s video to find out what I’d been missing [ Apart from brain cells? –ed.] Oh, the 2010 370Z. I’d spent about 25 minutes doing this in the 2019 model. I suppose I ought to have guessed that All 370Zs are equal, but some 370Zs are more equal than others. The treasure was on the bridge over the spillway I suspect that the last time I drove the Toyota MR2 SC was the last time we did this series. That led to the HA. Done. Eventlab (1). Zhèn Inaka . I do wish the game would indicate what category of event this is supposed to be. I assumed off road, but it wasn’t. Good props, but the rest was rubbish. It should’ve been a solo turn round the circuit. The SWS was also rubbish. Eventlab (2). Project Bayside . Rally? Off road? Who knows. I assumed the former, but it turned out to be road racing. More night ti...
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FH5, Series 57, Week 1

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We start with the traditional treasure hunt. I drove my Starion past some cars, which seemed to more or less be the solution to the riddle. Then it was a matter of finding where exactly at the hotel the treasure was. I fast travelled and found myself embedded in the hotel jump ramp. Seems the best way to get to the treasure is to drive down the slope to the left of the ramp to the area immediately below it. Why do they call them weeklies? If it took me a week to do these tasks in the 2002 Nissan Skyline, I’d be very slow indeed. Eventlab (1). Tokyo Project: Circuit . Night, rain, terrible layout (faux crossover; more barriers needed; too much 2nd gear-3rd gear racing). Probably a valiant attempt to replicate parts of Tokyo. The SWS gave me a 917 LH, which is the second one in my garage. Eventlab (2). Mizu Pass . I thought this was going to be a CC event, not some paved nature walk. I thought the Tundra TRD Pro would be the car for the job. Actually, it mostly was the car for the job ap...
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FH5, Series 56, Week 4

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A slightly late post because I’ve been on my travels. Impertinence of the week: age verification. While I look nothing like an 18-year-old, I’m sure the system said to itself, “Hmmm, ’bout 45±15, I reckon.” At least, I’m pretty sure it said that. Nonetheless, parents! it’s your responsibility to monitor your children, not the government’s to do it for you and thus ruin everyone else’s fun. We start with a treasure hunt. Picture of a Ford Falcon in front of that waterfall. And in case you think I’m being a miser, I actually spent some FPs in the Forzathon Shop on a horn that I’ll never ever use. The weekly was in the 2000 Nissan Silvia Spec R. The race was all right, but after two weeks of doing the bare minimum in the game, I was more than a little rusty. My attempts to do the drift tasks were, erm, painful. All right, so I was trying to do this RWD, which I’m terrible at, but I didn’t want to do a drivetrain swap [ Lazy old git . –ed.] The trick for the ultimate drifts seemed to be to...
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FH5, Series 56, Week 3

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As ever we start with the… Oh, not this week. Instead, the weekly in the Hoonitruck because the Lunar New Year is all about American vehicles. Turns out I have somehow acquired four of them. The drift tap was as random as ever as I drifted incompetently through Mulegé knowing that I’d eventually achieve this feat. The race up the Volcán Sprint seemed sadistic. I used the i30N for the PR stunts, but realised that the car needed to be all engine and not much else. Cascadas . Tree! Do it again. Not enough power. Add more engine (and don’t hit the tree). Rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the other two DSs and got a one-third very good SWS and a one-third excellent one. Photo. Won a stupid prize. How satisfying my life’s achievements are. EventLab (1). Arcadia Recension . Great visuals. Needs more practice. Rubbish SWS. Eventlab (2). Hilltop Scramble . A descent circuit with good use of props. I hear that in FH6 we’ll be able to place starting points anywhere, which is a good thing. I used to loo...
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