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FH5, Series 59, Week 3

Bye, Mexico. You were all right while you lasted. We start with that traditional fan favourite, the treasure hunt. I did a DS in the Abarth Esseesse to add 300FPs to the pointlessly ginormous fund that I already have. The weekly was in the Renault Clio Williams. I broke out my unused one for this. I one-shotted all of the PR stunts, even the intensely annoying dirt SZ outside Guanajuato. The rewards from the SWSs were one-third excellent, two-thirds good, and a bunch of rubbish. I took a photo and got a stupid gesture that I’ll never use. Also, you couldn’t pay me to use it. Eventlab (1). Nelipo Circuit . The layout was all right, but marks off for night and a poorly placed checkpoint that was placed ahead of the corner. Eventlab (2). Ram Jam . Good motorsport feel to this one, but the circuit takes practice, I think, and reminded me of Bathurst. Eventlab (3). Ausi-ish International Circuit . I liked the circuit, but the surface was rubbish and ruined the experience. The SWS was one-th...

FH5, Series 59, Week 2

I dealt with the weekly in the Lancia Stratos without any issues. Eventlab (1). Ramen Autodromo . Spaghetti-like layout, but not annoying, Not the best surface, and the final turn kept causing problems because it was indistinct. Eventlab (2), Jardín Día . Marks on for props, but marks off for the racing surface and the karting track layout. For the PR stunts, the Peugeot 205 T16 was an excellent choice. I one-shotted all three PR stunts, in a couple of cases by a resounding margin. Took a picture of the DS23. Can’t recall what the reward was. Probably a bag of grated cheese from 2016. The HW PR stunt was the ST after the loop, but the 2003 Audi RS6 took care of it first time. The RA PR stunt was the colossal pain that I expected it to be. Multiple attempts before miraculously completing the task. How? No idea. The best line seemed to be to run alongside the dirt road, go through the narrowest part of the ford, and then turn across the corner apex. I started with one version of the Lotu...

FH5, Series 59, Week 1

I sorted out the weekly in the 458 Italia without any issues. Four rivals events this week. It’s been some time, I think, since we last had EV rivals, which looked to be a regular thing and then disappeared. I must admit that I’d completely forgotten about the Pininfarina Battista. As for the VW, I assume that was marketing. I don’t think I’ve ever driven it outside of Rivals except to take a picture of it for Horizon Promo. Eventlab (1). Coast City Circuit . Night, points off. Props, points on. Layout, a lot of points off. If you thought turn one at Monza was awful, you should try this. Eventlab (2). Dancing Gopher . Too many checkpoints because they kept popping into existence. Also, repeated poor placement of checkpoints ahead of corners. Layout not bad, though. Eventlab (3). Power Plant Surge . Not a bad circuit, but awkward transitions between different types of surfaces. I one-shotted all the PR stunts this week. The ST was a matter of charging straight at it over the hill. Two o...

FH5, Series 58, Week 4

The week of the rubbish SWSs. This week’s treasure hunt was a dirt race in a retro rally car, with the treasure just outside Horizon Wilds. I now have over 180,000 FPs. No point in buying another Sesto Elemento as I have three. I think the two others are both gifts. At least one is. The weekly was in the Nissan Pulsar, which is a car I like except when it’s in some annoying Street Scene race. At least I have two, which meant that one was ready for dirt racing, and I’d obviously used it on the previous occasion because I didn’t need to spend money on an engine swap for the final task. Eventlab returned with Rally Trail . I have to applaud the creator’s dedication to everything apart from the course itself, which was worse than deranged spaghetti. It took a couple of attempts to do the DS because I bounced and flipped on landing. It was the week of the irritating SZs, too. Couple of attempts to get the one near Mulegé (the International Scout proved to be idea). It was also my choice for...

FH5, Series 58, Week 3

Treasure hunt. Hot hatch? No, a super hot hatch. All right, fine. 300FPs to add to my 178,000. Penury averted once again. I did the photo second because the car I drove in the treasure hunt, the R26.R, was the car for this week’s photo. I got socks. Steady, ladies. The weekly was in the Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX. I’ve never consciously mastered Lucky Escape skills, which I only ever get by chance, which is how I completed this irritating task. A short pointless drag race. 100,000 skill points. And thus I’ve probably driven this rather dull car for the last time in FH5. I started with the DS for the PR stunts. It was the usual issue of landing somewhere you don’t go thumping into trees, but I eventually PB’ed it and got a one-third good SWS. I managed to one-shot and PB the ST for a rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the HW PR stunt in a messy, untidy way. One-third very good SWS. I knew the RA PR stunt would take several attempts to do. I went far enough on the first attempt, but landed on the ra...

FH5, Series 58, Week 2

Treasure hunt. It’s the week of the annoying VW Beetle buggy, and the game gets off to an irritating start by making us race this thing to do the treasure hunt. I did Airfield . I managed not to roll the car. I got 300FPs to add to the other 176,000. Yes, somehow I have about 2,000 more than last week. And then we did the weekly in this awful car. We had to do a race in the stock car, whose only virtue is that a fair amount can be tuned. Fortunately, my B-class version knocked out the TB in three attempts, which may be due to a new approach to the TB off the motorway, viz. start in the left-hand lane and swing across straight into the start gate. The Eventlab, Jungle-Coaster/XE/Day was Extreme E in some race which really needed to be done in chase cam, although those cars being large-arsed, lard-arsed barges would probably still block the view. Much rewinding. This reminds me of one of those mad bike tracks down the side of a hill on some Greek island. Probably this map was much bette...

FH5, Series 58, Week 1

Treasure hunt. Win a race in a track toy. I picked the M3 GTR and found it to be rather slidey. Perhaps it’s better in A class. Got my 300 FPs and now have 174,373 FPs. The weekly in the KTM X-Bow went smoothly, although getting 12 stars from STs was a bit of a grind. Then again, I couldn’t be bothered buffing it up to go vroom. Rivals was all Audis. Some EV which, I think, I’ve only ever driven once, and the other one, which I’ve probably driven twice. Only one Eventlab this week, viz. High Speed Ring 5 Runden in GT cars. Dirt racing? I do wish the tiles would specifically state the surface. I picked the Cyberster because it’s AWD and I didn’t want to find myself making myself an arse on grass. There was no grass, but I was still an arse. [ Poetry? Please stop . –ed.] The layout was undemanding, but I wish I’d picked a better car to drive. The reward: clothing. I took a photo. I got more clothing. Naturally, sexiness ensues. Steady, ladies! I one-shotted the Hotel DS in the Internati...