Occasional Tales

Oh, gods, here we go again. I started with the treasure hunt and quickly realised that the place to go was Kinkaku-ji Temple. Of course, I started with this in case it’s still buggy. The weekly in the GR86 was all right, but if I click on an SZ as my destination, why doesn’t it acknowledge that I’ve arrived at my destination when I pass through the map marker? The touge race appears to be what happens when an SZ makes a baby with Street Scene races – a foul and hideous monster emerges, hissing and spitting. The photo at the Festival site got me a horn to go with all the other stupid, cretinous, retarded horns that the collection journal spews at you. I did Hot Like Summer in the Renault Clio Williams. Seemed to be a good choice. As I now know, the seasonals are no longer locked to a particular level of difficulty. The main nuisance is switching from one to another after you start a race because you have to quit the race. The old system which let you tune the car at the start of races ...

The Colossus I set the drivatars to Average and ended up in last place, overtaking a couple of the drivatars and merely getting 9th in visual range. Nothing I tried was effective, and the few place where the AI had to slow down didn’t help because I was never close enough to make a move on them. I repeated the race with the drivatars on Tourist and obviously won the race, but at what level would I get a fair race? I feel the Colossus has issues. In FH4, it was a slightly longer sprint race of about five to six minutes. A bit technical, but that was a good thing. I liked it in winter because it was mostly clear of snow. In FH5, the Colossus was too long to be a fun diversion, and I largely ignored it. In FH6, it’s merely a high-sped circuit with an occasional tighter turn. Because the track covers the whole width of the course, I don’t know what a good line might be. It’s clear there are alt. paths to take, but to what extent they might help, I don’t know as of yet and may never do. V...

Introduction Rather than bore you even more than usual with my activities in the game over the past couple of days, I thought I’d offer some commentary bordering on a review – at least of the game so far. Progression If I’d had the time, the gold wristband could’ve been unlocked in about two days. The progression from purple to gold was a bit grindy because having done all the races, I had to do a bunch of PR stunts which, as usual, irritated the hell out of me. Anyway, I’d got as far as the DZs when I unlocked the sprint to Legend Island this morning. Progression through the gold wristband is probably even grindier and may not be completable at this time (i.e., Evolving World stuff); or it’s down to the trivial content such as Horizon Promo or Stories or Roads etc. Road racing I’ve yet to do the Goliath and the Colossus , but most road races seem to be all right, although there’s nothing as far as I recall like Edinburgh Station Circuit or Plaza Circuit . So far I’ve not...

2nd session I spent awhile searching for the location of the Figaro. I expect everyone else was rolling their eyes and saying none too quietly, “Old person problems.” I thought it might be on the island, and then the foreshore, and then up the coast road until I returned to the foreshore. The car park faces south looking, in fact, towards the bridge where is turns east to the island. I did much better at finding the GT40, which is on the cape near the space port. As for the bonus board on top of the assembly building in the space port, if you take the jump from the road at about 140-45kmh, you should land on the roof without too much bother. I did the Daikoku Circuit in the GR86, but ought to have upgraded the car (which I’ve now done). This was followed by Daikoku Chase (Street Scene), which is another course I need to get used to. I did another Street Scene race, Kita Ine , in the Silvia K’S. I thought the drivatars were being a little inconsistent, but managed to win. This led to ...

The game started by installing itself, which took about ten minutes before it informed me that I needed to update my nVidia drivers. I was expecting this, but not that it would be a requirement for playing the game. I knew that you needed to be using a particular version of gaming services, which I’d checked earlier. And yes, xbox time came ahead of local time. The same annoying splash screens which we can presumably never be rid of. Then it was into some cutscene which I ignored, instantly disliking Mei’s grating American accent, which was followed by a “race” to the Festival during which I changed to proper settings – cockpit, manual with clutch, no driving line. The characters are the same as ever, which is disappointing. They’ve added Japanese characters, who all look gormless, although all the characters do. The old characters also somehow look worse than they did in FH5 – low-poly models as I believe they say. If only we had the same sort of system as Skyrim, where we could adjus...

Bye, Mexico. You were all right while you lasted. We start with that traditional fan favourite, the treasure hunt. I did a DS in the Abarth Esseesse to add 300FPs to the pointlessly ginormous fund that I already have. The weekly was in the Renault Clio Williams. I broke out my unused one for this. I one-shotted all of the PR stunts, even the intensely annoying dirt SZ outside Guanajuato. The rewards from the SWSs were one-third excellent, two-thirds good, and a bunch of rubbish. I took a photo and got a stupid gesture that I’ll never use. Also, you couldn’t pay me to use it. Eventlab (1). Nelipo Circuit . The layout was all right, but marks off for night and a poorly placed checkpoint that was placed ahead of the corner. Eventlab (2). Ram Jam . Good motorsport feel to this one, but the circuit takes practice, I think, and reminded me of Bathurst. Eventlab (3). Ausi-ish International Circuit . I liked the circuit, but the surface was rubbish and ruined the experience. The SWS was one-th...

I dealt with the weekly in the Lancia Stratos without any issues. Eventlab (1). Ramen Autodromo . Spaghetti-like layout, but not annoying, Not the best surface, and the final turn kept causing problems because it was indistinct. Eventlab (2), Jardín Día . Marks on for props, but marks off for the racing surface and the karting track layout. For the PR stunts, the Peugeot 205 T16 was an excellent choice. I one-shotted all three PR stunts, in a couple of cases by a resounding margin. Took a picture of the DS23. Can’t recall what the reward was. Probably a bag of grated cheese from 2016. The HW PR stunt was the ST after the loop, but the 2003 Audi RS6 took care of it first time. The RA PR stunt was the colossal pain that I expected it to be. Multiple attempts before miraculously completing the task. How? No idea. The best line seemed to be to run alongside the dirt road, go through the narrowest part of the ford, and then turn across the corner apex. I started with one version of the Lotu...

I sorted out the weekly in the 458 Italia without any issues. Four rivals events this week. It’s been some time, I think, since we last had EV rivals, which looked to be a regular thing and then disappeared. I must admit that I’d completely forgotten about the Pininfarina Battista. As for the VW, I assume that was marketing. I don’t think I’ve ever driven it outside of Rivals except to take a picture of it for Horizon Promo. Eventlab (1). Coast City Circuit . Night, points off. Props, points on. Layout, a lot of points off. If you thought turn one at Monza was awful, you should try this. Eventlab (2). Dancing Gopher . Too many checkpoints because they kept popping into existence. Also, repeated poor placement of checkpoints ahead of corners. Layout not bad, though. Eventlab (3). Power Plant Surge . Not a bad circuit, but awkward transitions between different types of surfaces. I one-shotted all the PR stunts this week. The ST was a matter of charging straight at it over the hill. Two o...

The week of the rubbish SWSs. This week’s treasure hunt was a dirt race in a retro rally car, with the treasure just outside Horizon Wilds. I now have over 180,000 FPs. No point in buying another Sesto Elemento as I have three. I think the two others are both gifts. At least one is. The weekly was in the Nissan Pulsar, which is a car I like except when it’s in some annoying Street Scene race. At least I have two, which meant that one was ready for dirt racing, and I’d obviously used it on the previous occasion because I didn’t need to spend money on an engine swap for the final task. Eventlab returned with Rally Trail . I have to applaud the creator’s dedication to everything apart from the course itself, which was worse than deranged spaghetti. It took a couple of attempts to do the DS because I bounced and flipped on landing. It was the week of the irritating SZs, too. Couple of attempts to get the one near Mulegé (the International Scout proved to be idea). It was also my choice for...

Treasure hunt. Hot hatch? No, a super hot hatch. All right, fine. 300FPs to add to my 178,000. Penury averted once again. I did the photo second because the car I drove in the treasure hunt, the R26.R, was the car for this week’s photo. I got socks. Steady, ladies. The weekly was in the Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX. I’ve never consciously mastered Lucky Escape skills, which I only ever get by chance, which is how I completed this irritating task. A short pointless drag race. 100,000 skill points. And thus I’ve probably driven this rather dull car for the last time in FH5. I started with the DS for the PR stunts. It was the usual issue of landing somewhere you don’t go thumping into trees, but I eventually PB’ed it and got a one-third good SWS. I managed to one-shot and PB the ST for a rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the HW PR stunt in a messy, untidy way. One-third very good SWS. I knew the RA PR stunt would take several attempts to do. I went far enough on the first attempt, but landed on the ra...

Treasure hunt. It’s the week of the annoying VW Beetle buggy, and the game gets off to an irritating start by making us race this thing to do the treasure hunt. I did Airfield . I managed not to roll the car. I got 300FPs to add to the other 176,000. Yes, somehow I have about 2,000 more than last week. And then we did the weekly in this awful car. We had to do a race in the stock car, whose only virtue is that a fair amount can be tuned. Fortunately, my B-class version knocked out the TB in three attempts, which may be due to a new approach to the TB off the motorway, viz. start in the left-hand lane and swing across straight into the start gate. The Eventlab, Jungle-Coaster/XE/Day was Extreme E in some race which really needed to be done in chase cam, although those cars being large-arsed, lard-arsed barges would probably still block the view. Much rewinding. This reminds me of one of those mad bike tracks down the side of a hill on some Greek island. Probably this map was much bette...

Treasure hunt. Win a race in a track toy. I picked the M3 GTR and found it to be rather slidey. Perhaps it’s better in A class. Got my 300 FPs and now have 174,373 FPs. The weekly in the KTM X-Bow went smoothly, although getting 12 stars from STs was a bit of a grind. Then again, I couldn’t be bothered buffing it up to go vroom. Rivals was all Audis. Some EV which, I think, I’ve only ever driven once, and the other one, which I’ve probably driven twice. Only one Eventlab this week, viz. High Speed Ring 5 Runden in GT cars. Dirt racing? I do wish the tiles would specifically state the surface. I picked the Cyberster because it’s AWD and I didn’t want to find myself making myself an arse on grass. There was no grass, but I was still an arse. [ Poetry? Please stop . –ed.] The layout was undemanding, but I wish I’d picked a better car to drive. The reward: clothing. I took a photo. I got more clothing. Naturally, sexiness ensues. Steady, ladies! I one-shotted the Hotel DS in the Internati...

 I started with the treasure hunt. Do a DS in any Supra. The treasure is in the castle car park. The weekly was in the 1997 Honda Civic Type R. Mine was in A class, but revving like it was S2 class. I rebuilt it, and more or less got the same thing. Probably best in B class. I did the photo in Ek’ Balam because it also took care of the photo challenge. I one-shotted all of the PWR stunts and PB’ed the DS in the International Scout. I also got a three-car SWS for the DZ, but sold them as I’m fed up with the absence of any expressions of gratitude from recipients of the decent cars which I’ve been giving away. (Gifting is an aspect of FH5 which, I hope, we never see again.) I also one-shotted the HW and RA PR stunts, but the latter got me a rubbish SWS. Eventlab (1). Touge Battle . Night time. Ugh. Annoying, narrow course. Ugh. Props fairly decent. Eventlab (2). Cobra Drift Park . Stupid, ridiculous layout, which I think I cheated to complete because I was suddenly going in the wrong...

Straight onto the weekly in the Mazda RX-7 Spirit. Bunch of nuisance activities. I like the car well enough, though. I moved on to the PR stunts. One of these days I must try building something in S2 class for rural STs and the like. I do have my low S2-class International Scout, but need something much faster. Can’t help but predict that I’ll still make an arse of myself several times before completing the stunt. One-third excellent SWS and an Ultima, which I gave away. I one-shotted the DZ, but barely (i.e., not my finest hour). One-third very good SWS. I was rewarded for incompetence, but this does seem to be the way of the world. Eventlab (1). Imperial Circuit . Layout, good; props, good. SWS included two cars, but not ones worth inflicting… I mean, donating to some anonymous, worthy player. Eventlab (2). Puanke Hill Touge . Good for testing a car’s first three gears and its ability to turn tight corners. Bizarre finish line. I don’t understand the appeal of this sort of thing, whi...

Drive a Nissan 370Z in SZs for 370 seconds (?), at 370kmh (?), for a total of 370kmh (?) I well buffed by 370Z and blasted through Trébol at 390kmh. Nothing happened. I had to watch Stevio’s video to find out what I’d been missing [ Apart from brain cells? –ed.] Oh, the 2010 370Z. I’d spent about 25 minutes doing this in the 2019 model. I suppose I ought to have guessed that All 370Zs are equal, but some 370Zs are more equal than others. The treasure was on the bridge over the spillway I suspect that the last time I drove the Toyota MR2 SC was the last time we did this series. That led to the HA. Done. Eventlab (1). Zhèn Inaka . I do wish the game would indicate what category of event this is supposed to be. I assumed off road, but it wasn’t. Good props, but the rest was rubbish. It should’ve been a solo turn round the circuit. The SWS was also rubbish. Eventlab (2). Project Bayside . Rally? Off road? Who knows. I assumed the former, but it turned out to be road racing. More night ti...

We start with the traditional treasure hunt. I drove my Starion past some cars, which seemed to more or less be the solution to the riddle. Then it was a matter of finding where exactly at the hotel the treasure was. I fast travelled and found myself embedded in the hotel jump ramp. Seems the best way to get to the treasure is to drive down the slope to the left of the ramp to the area immediately below it. Why do they call them weeklies? If it took me a week to do these tasks in the 2002 Nissan Skyline, I’d be very slow indeed. Eventlab (1). Tokyo Project: Circuit . Night, rain, terrible layout (faux crossover; more barriers needed; too much 2nd gear-3rd gear racing). Probably a valiant attempt to replicate parts of Tokyo. The SWS gave me a 917 LH, which is the second one in my garage. Eventlab (2). Mizu Pass . I thought this was going to be a CC event, not some paved nature walk. I thought the Tundra TRD Pro would be the car for the job. Actually, it mostly was the car for the job ap...

A slightly late post because I’ve been on my travels. Impertinence of the week: age verification. While I look nothing like an 18-year-old, I’m sure the system said to itself, “Hmmm, ’bout 45±15, I reckon.” At least, I’m pretty sure it said that. Nonetheless, parents! it’s your responsibility to monitor your children, not the government’s to do it for you and thus ruin everyone else’s fun. We start with a treasure hunt. Picture of a Ford Falcon in front of that waterfall. And in case you think I’m being a miser, I actually spent some FPs in the Forzathon Shop on a horn that I’ll never ever use. The weekly was in the 2000 Nissan Silvia Spec R. The race was all right, but after two weeks of doing the bare minimum in the game, I was more than a little rusty. My attempts to do the drift tasks were, erm, painful. All right, so I was trying to do this RWD, which I’m terrible at, but I didn’t want to do a drivetrain swap [ Lazy old git . –ed.] The trick for the ultimate drifts seemed to be to...

As ever we start with the… Oh, not this week. Instead, the weekly in the Hoonitruck because the Lunar New Year is all about American vehicles. Turns out I have somehow acquired four of them. The drift tap was as random as ever as I drifted incompetently through Mulegé knowing that I’d eventually achieve this feat. The race up the Volcán Sprint seemed sadistic. I used the i30N for the PR stunts, but realised that the car needed to be all engine and not much else. Cascadas . Tree! Do it again. Not enough power. Add more engine (and don’t hit the tree). Rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the other two DSs and got a one-third very good SWS and a one-third excellent one. Photo. Won a stupid prize. How satisfying my life’s achievements are. EventLab (1). Arcadia Recension . Great visuals. Needs more practice. Rubbish SWS. Eventlab (2). Hilltop Scramble . A descent circuit with good use of props. I hear that in FH6 we’ll be able to place starting points anywhere, which is a good thing. I used to loo...

Treasure hunt. Drift three times in a Jag and then go to the stadium to find the treasure. I now have over 161,000 FPs. I could buy a third Sián roadster, but I have two and drive neither. The weekly. The Lexus LFA. Complete the Trial to get it if you don’t have at least three already (and now a fourth from doing the Trial). All straightforward. I one-shotted all the PR stunts this week in the Lynk & Co. Cyan Racing car. Rewards included a one-third excellent SWS, which is a rare thing. Back to the stadium to take a piccie. Reward: an emote that I probably already have and would never use. I expect such childishness to carry over into FH6. Eventlab (1) was Sterlings ( Sterling’s ?) Nuggets Circuit . Good layout and a decent length, but suffering from that usual rubbish road surface. I felt the fence prop was over used when the usual barriers would mostly have been sufficient. I used the Lynk & Co. Cyan Racing car again. One-third good SWS. Eventlab (2) was Autodromo Int. B. Ce...