Occasional Tales

Turn on, tune in, drop out. PGG has been posting share codes for tunes for new cars via in-game messages. Not quite sure why they’ve been doing this since while it’s possible to reconstruct how a car was upgraded, it’s not possible to see the precise tuning settings (i.e., as an aid for players wondering about such settings). At least I don’t think it is. This state of affairs has had the Chief Try-Hard (CTH) on the forums fulminating about how there are better tuners, whose work should be promoted etc. By and large I’ve never bothered with other people’s tunes. I do my own, which I’d describe as cosy – a pleasant driving experience so long as you aren’t being a Horizon Open try-hard yourself. However, I thought I’d try the tune being promoted for the AMC Rebel, expecting that I was probably going to say to myself, “I wish I could build and tune like that.” Sometimes I’m wrong. I installed the tune on the new Rebel and took it for a spin round the Horizon Mexico Circuit . I have to con...

Yesterday was terrible. Migraine because I was forced to do something I didn’t want to do. The derailleur of my bike got twisted into the rear wheel, which rendered the whole thing inoperable. It rained heavily as I was walking home from the station. Then this morning some colossal arse decided that the best time for setting off fireworks was between half five and six. It’s small wonder that I’ve not been in the best frame of mind today. I started with the treasure hunt in the Datsun 510. I did some jumps and got sent back to the stadium to get my reward. Again, #ForcedEngagement. I don’t care about the maze and don’t see the point of it. The weekly was in the 1971 Plymouth Barracuda. I have three somehow and thought I’d do a 0.35 build with one of the new ones. Net result: a car that wasn’t a lot different from my A-class Barracuda. I made the mistake of doing Jungle Descent as the Street Scene race, because it starts in fog. Eventlab (1). Circuit des Reines . I like the layout, but ...

The weekly posed no real problems. I managed to one-shot the PR stunts in the 2018 Ford Mustang GT. Northern Passage , which I’d been practising was a skin-of-the-teeth job. Didn’t we do Ring Road as the speed zone last week? Or very recently? I had one SWS that was one-third good and the rest were rubbish. The picture of the new Ford Focus got me a pair of boots. Mmmm, high fashion. I ended up in my Hummer EV for Horizon Tour. One 1st place and two 2nds. I managed a last minute 2nd place round Herencia from being able to take corners properly. Only one Eventlab this week, Hill Valley Run , which is why it seemed that it took no time to get through the Festival playlist. Good use of props on a course that I thought was a rally stage only for it to turn out to be a long, narrow circuit that resembled a rally stage. At least it wasn’t some piece of insane spaghetti. The rewards was another bloody 2010 VW Golf. I smashed the collectibles. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, I counted. 1, 2, 3, 4, the gam...

The weekly in the Toyota Supra was fine, but a drag race? Why? Do I find such things any less pointless for doing one more? No. At least the daily challenge got me CR545,000. The Eventlab tiles were broken again until I restarted the game. Laderas Core was, I thought, a good layout with dull use of props and a really stupid reward. Mexico Island Raceway Club was the opposite with a good use of props, but a low-gear layout where you got to 3rd only have to change to 2nd almost at once. I eventually got the speed zone in the Hoonigan RS200. I find the speed zone under the bridge seems easier from the south side (i.e., with the sharpest turn at the end). In the opposite direction, you end up flying over a crest and trying to negotiate an awkward chicane. Perhaps smashing the fence beforehand would help. The SWS was rubbish. I one-shotted the drift zone (and PB’ed it in practice) in the Hoonigan Mustang (yes, I know, obvious). The SWS was one-third good. I hear that the Jesko, pictured i...

Another week of annoyances and irritations from PR stunts that seem to require a specific car built in a specific way (probably too much engine and too little handling because that’s so much fun) to the wrong cars in the wrong sorts of races to cheating drivatars in the HW seasonal. Like last week, the weekly challenge was doable without upgrading the car. Like last week you either have the money or the FPs (or both) to acquire the Type C Jag or you don’t and may struggle because you’d have to do 20 HA’s to get 1,200 FPs, and if your connectivity is rubbish (fortunately, because mine was good today, I was able to do the daily), you might have no chance at all. The photo challenge got me a stupid phrase. What am I? A dim-witted 12-year-old? Eventlab (1). Baja Motorsports Park GP 3L . Overly technical, but at least the cars were only A800. This is the sort of circuit which might attract S2-class cars. Turn the Stupidity dial to maximum, Doris! Eventlab (2). Kiyosumi Circuit . Off to Even...

But first some news from last week. I was unable to do last week’s HA as a daily till yesterday. I spent 11 fraught minutes hoping that I wasn’t going to be disconnected. I also switched HAs when I got the impression that I might be dealing with a freeloader. Job done. But HAs should not be dailies since the connectivity is so appallingly bad. I started with the treasure hunt. I crashed about in the AMC Rebel. The treasure was placed in a position which provoked annoyance. I had an issue with the weekly. You had to drive 8.0 km, but my 3-Eleven refused to register more than about 100m. I think the problem was from fast travelling to claim a gift (that I could then pass on to some “new” player) because when I switched to my other Lotus 3-Eleven, the process resumed. The game then crashed when I went to Casa Bella to upgrade the car. The rivals challenge was a nuisance because I’m running out of races where I’m put up against the slowest time. I took a picture of the Morgan Aero GT, whic...

The pain and the grind. I started with the weekly in the BAC Mono which went well. The photo was a repeat screening of the cave that’s roughly SSE of Ek’ Balam. Eventab (1). Laderas GP . Another good circuit. Didn’t quite have the polish of Pie de Volcán , but was an excellent choice. Eventlab (2). Ninja Marv Muddy Mangos . Silly name, but a decent enough rally circuit with some awkward corners. Rubbish SWS. Absolute donkey turd. Eventlab (3). GP Goyta Full . What in the name of the Forza gods was this sodding ridiculous thing?! The moment I saw S2-class extreme track toys, I knew that I was going to loathe it and I did. I assume that it’s a track where the kiddies can slam into each other, knock each other out of checkpoints, and vote each other capital fellows for being enormous plonkers. Not fun. And the prize was some ridiculous clothing, thus confirming my supposition of the target audience. I one-shotted the speed trap in the Nova, and then spent half an hour or so building and r...

Let the bugs begin. I went over to the stadium which was empty apart from an icon marking Winter Wonderland . I clicked on it, and the Forzathon shop appeared. I sent someone an Alfa Romeo TZ2 as a gift before a bunch of props appeared and I fell through the ground. I reset my car, but was still trapped inside the barrier and had to fast travel to safety. The introductory announcement is being repeated each time I start the game. The treasure hunt seemed to be a matter of driving up the Volcán Sprint until some random point. I was online in free roam, which meant I was able to do an HA. As it turned out, I did the HA while a bunch of freeloaders who lurked elsewhere waited till the time ran out. If I’d had another minute I would’ve been able to get it all done, but the task was complete even though all three rounds weren’t. I think this was the first weekly in a car that I actually like – the 2016 Cayman GT4. The Winter Wonderland Circuit is as bad as I feared. Might make a good cart...

Could do better. Fast and Furious dlc – more overweight, overpowered American barges. Yes, I’ll probably buy the car pack, but as I said in the previous entry, there are so many cars in the game, I don’t have time for all of them. I’ve neglected other car packs somewhat and I may never try these outside of free roam. Four expensive, copy-and-paste Autoshow cars that seem to be intended – as AR12 Nick has suggested – to provoke players into shelling out their shekels on the Car Voucher scam. Yes, I called it a “scam”. The Gordon Murray T50 has piqued my interest. The Valkyrie is probably going to be the Nevera to the Concept version of the car. Same actress, different shade of lipstick. But the whole Secret Santa thing could be vexatious if I end up bombarded with rubbish. After being spared gifts for some time, I seem to have been the target for unwelcome donations. I can only hope we see no more of this in FH6. A new circuit race, albeit one that only appears in winter. Unfortunately,...

As I discovered when I did the treasure hunt, the car had to specifically be a hot hatch, and I could do the jump in either direction. It was easier to jump down onto the slipway. But then I got multiple messages about solving the treasure hunt even after I’d been to the front garden of Lugar Tranquilo and claimed my treasure chest. The photo of the week was straightforward. Speaking of photos, I found there was a new car I hadn’t photographed. I thought I had the lot. The Eventlab tiles were broken again. It’s been awhile, but there was no text and clicking on them got the usual message about the content being unavailable. Worse than that, the folder where the Turn 10 Temp Scratch folder used to be seems to have vanished in W11. But when I got home this afternoon, the Eventlab events were live. Marchenhaft Bergpass was a decent circuit, but shame about the awful surface. Got a Mustang RTR Spec 5 out of it, so can’t complain. Tokyo Bay Drift was also good, with its NFS feel and one-t...

As there was no treasure hunt this week (Omnes [but insincerely]: Shame!), I started with the weekly in the 2018 Mustang. For the danger sign task I went to the top of the volcano because every time I tried the motorway or Festival site jumps, the car went arse over tit (as we say in the vernacular). We had to have a Street Scene race as well, didn’t we? (Scream.) I managed to do the HA without any fuss or bother. Yes, dear reader, I was actually online in free roam. It didn’t last. The first Eventlab was Crop Circle Stadium Rally , which was sort of like a drift zone, which seemed to be rather irritating until… Eventlab (2), which necessitated a trip to Eventlab Island for some race which was on a decent enough circuit, with the annoying dial being set to maximum. And just to dump a turd into my bowl of irritation soup, the SWS was bloody rubbish. Never mind, the photo made it all… worse, forcing me to start a Street Scene race (scream!) to take a picture of my Camaro ZL1 1LE, and rew...

As is my wont, I checked the forums this morning for info about the update for Series 26 only to find that the Super Speed Car Pack was fast going nowhere. When you go into the shop via the game, the new car pack is there, but the shelves are bare. I now know what Mother Hubbard feels like. I wasn’t able to check out FH5 until lunchtime when I found that I was in the same boat as, it seems, almost everyone else. In fact, unlike some players, I can’t even buy the car pack through the game (but see below). I assume it’s been delisted from the MS shop, where I can’t find it at all, but I’ve heard it’s on Steam. However, in a live update, I’ve just checked the xbox app, where I find the Super Speed Car Pack is listed and can be bought (and I’ve bought it). The new cars are there in Horizon Promo, but my attempt to get them participate one race or another failed. Mind you, because of the issue with the car pack cars, they may not even appear in races. The Tsuru turned up. I’ve not heard of ...

Sierra Nueva, thou dangling pustule on Satan’s arse. This week for the treasure hunt I thought I’d use a car that had some presence. I chose the Warthog, which turned out to be overpowered and too chunky. What’s going to happen next week? Will we need a car that’s half as wide and twice as long for half the course, and twice as wide and half as long for the other half? All very tiresome. The weekly in the bloated Ford F-450 passed without any issues. What’s the reward for a weekly these days? Still 200PFs? The photo challenge got me clothes. So, either like Dobbie, I bugger off, or like Ken, I think I’m fashionable. What I’m really thinking: “I thought this was meant to be a racing game.” The collectibles weren’t too much of a pain, but the overly long night was. Why did PGG have to pander to the nighttime kiddies when there’s no screaming need for it outside of Street Scene. If you want night, switch your monitor off and drive round. The Eventlab tiles were functioning again. I wonder...

Yes, Redmond, I blame you. The recent 0x0 fiasco with Horizon 5 has never really been fixed. I moved the game from C:\ to D:\ and back again, and that sort of fixed things, but not really (and my game was almost certainly already in the C:\XboxGames folder). The latest issue may be the thin end of the wedge in that I tried running the game today only for it to sync… wait for it… not sync and instead give me a message telling me to reboot the game if I want to try syncing again, or go to the title and risk finding that I’m back on square one, having lost all of my progress. What can I do? Syncing can be an absolute nightmare with these games because it can be so contrary. I have no control over this process and no way of finding out why it’s not working. I tried syncing FH4 for eight hours on three occasions, and it was because of the whole faulty system that I lost all my progress in the game back in late 2020. Syncing is deeply unreliable and the inability of players to consciously sa...

Oh the pain. The pain. As everyone must know by now, FH5 has been being a colossal pain for the past few days since the latest update, dishing out a 0x0 error. The solution, campers, seems to be to move the game to the D:\ drive (where it didn’t work at all) and then back to the C:\ drive (where is did work). It should also be in the C:\XboxGames folder (mine is by default). The game now “works” in that it skips the big splash screen, may take ages to do anything, might sync successfully or might not, might crash at this point or might not, might switch on the on-screen reader, might give you the fallback Festival playlist, might load you into a world filled with players, and then might disconnect you for all the rest of the session, but allow you to do multiplayer stuff (but not every time). From what I can tell, this seems to be an MS problem. The MS shop seems to have issues, and the xbox app. I uninstalled the Minecraft Launcher from my main laptop because something went wrong with...

Smash his legs into jam with red-hot sledgehammers. Spread the paste on sun-baked camel turds buttered with rancid hyena shit. Make him eat those delicious sandwiches. The Festival painlist [sic!] can annoy me, and then there’s this week’s offering which descended into a chasm of immeasurable frustration that brought me close to being physically sick. The treasure hunt was straightforward. Quick danger sign in the Stratos and I got my loot. The weekly in the Fiat 124 Spider was all right apart from the game not telling me that I’d completed tasks. The Eventlab tiles were working this week. I didn’t see any flying pigs, but can’t always be looking out of my window. Av. Paradise: Circuito Callejero was an urban version of Sierra Nueva, being a tiresome amount of start-stop-start-stop. I kept understeering at the same hairpin and can only be grateful that we only had to do two laps of this thing for another 458 Italia. (I like the car and am not complaining.) Pipeline Stadium Circuit (Ni...

So, it seems that for the treasure hunt I have to drive the Maserati GT S from Mulegé to Guanajuato. A few minutes later… That didn’t work. Perhaps I should’ve used the FE Maserati GT S because that’s in the picture. A few minutes later… That didn’t work. House-to-house? A few minutes later… That didn’t work. Perhaps it might work after I reboot my laptop. The next day… What?! Why aren’t you bloody well working?! [Interlude.] I decide to give it one more go, but this time veer off the motorway and head cross country towards Guanajuato, slamming into the houses on the south side of the town. Job done. FFS. Since the update, the chance that I’m actually online in free roam and seeing other players has improved. It won’t last, but it meant I could do an HA to tick that off the playlist. The weekly was in the Abarth 595. I think the game told me that one event was complete, and the rest of the time I had to check. The Eventlab tiles were working. I started with Forest Mountain Circuit , wh...

The treasure hunt was to smash ten things with a GT car. The treasure is just near the Horizon Street Scene outpost, which was handy because I could then get specced up for the weekly. The weekly challenge was driving the Lexus RC F. Although the photo task referred to some grey colour, the car didn’t have to be in that colour for it to be completed. I used the Marathon to complete the clean racing skills task, although it was overkill. This is not the first time we’ve had to take a photo of this particular mural in Colinas Aridas – if I remember rightly. I knew it was somewhere and I knew it was nowhere near the part of the map which is labelled Colinas Aridas. It’s on the side of one of the buildings just south of the start of Cruce del Valle. This is the sort of pointless task that wastes my time because the area is so vaguely defined and as I’m never travelling in the right direction, I’m unfamiliar with the painting. The Eventlab tiles were functioning this week. Mulegé Street Cir...