FH5, Series 25, Week 3

Sierra Nueva, thou dangling pustule on Satan’s arse.

This week for the treasure hunt I thought I’d use a car that had some presence. I chose the Warthog, which turned out to be overpowered and too chunky. What’s going to happen next week? Will we need a car that’s half as wide and twice as long for half the course, and twice as wide and half as long for the other half? All very tiresome.

The weekly in the bloated Ford F-450 passed without any issues. What’s the reward for a weekly these days? Still 200PFs?

The photo challenge got me clothes. So, either like Dobbie, I bugger off, or like Ken, I think I’m fashionable. What I’m really thinking: “I thought this was meant to be a racing game.”

The collectibles weren’t too much of a pain, but the overly long night was. Why did PGG have to pander to the nighttime kiddies when there’s no screaming need for it outside of Street Scene. If you want night, switch your monitor off and drive round.

The Eventlab tiles were functioning again. I wonder how long this will last. Ewok Village Rally has to be one of the worst ideas for a race we’ve seen. This map is not optimised for drivatars which all crashed at the first bridge and got in the way. This should’ve been a solo drive. The other Eventlab event, ESV Green’s Onyx Bridge Circuit, was start – stop – start – stop, etc. The SWS was one-third good.

The PR stunts were all drift zones in the Mazda RX-7 Spirit. Mine was already A class and RWD, but a.) lacked power and b.) had sod-all handling. I rebuilt as a drift car, but it the stunts were stressful. The SWSs were two-thirds rubbish.

Going on Tour was the Marathon in A800 GT or Super GT cars. The idea seemed to be to force players to drive a car with next to no upgrades. I chose the AM V12 Vantage S because it was ready to go… No, it needed aero or it was such a fatty that it understeered on corners. The reward was a 2016 Dodge Viper. Fine. At least it wasn’t a Nissan Silvia.

A Minor Inconvenience was an excellent description for a C600 dirt racing series in Minis or Morrises because it once again showed that you can’t choose the car you want (in my case the 1965 Mini Cooper), but should only choose the car that’s the only game in town (i.e., the Mini Countryman). The reward was a CTS-V. I don’t recall wanting an ugly, American brick outhouse, but I got one.

I did Horizon Open in the 2016 Mazda MX-5. I managed to come not last in two of the races which seemed to be populated by the usual car exploiters or cheaters who couldn’t take corners, but seemed to be unaffected by their inability to do so.

The HW PR stunt was a matter of min. aero and a decent run-up in the Audi R8 for a rubbish SWS.

The seasonal championship in the HW theme park now seems have been reduced to two laps for circuit races which, I think, is a good thing or such race series tend to drag. For Saleen Machine, there only seemed to be one choice – the good old S7. And it did the job with aplomb. The reward was a BMW Z3 which is rubbish.

The speed trap in Sierra Nueva was a matter of repeat, repeat, repeat, etc. until the Forza gods blessed your efforts with success. They doubly blessed mine because I eventually managed to PB the speed trap for an SWS that was a sixth all right.

And then there was Rally Around, which made me utterly hate Sierra Nueva. The first race, which I did in the Can-Am Maverick (normally a good cheatmobile), went well. The second two were characterised by innumerable restarts as the drivatars flew off into the distance, taking an unassailable lead. Or they’d suddenly fly past me. What car was I supposed to use? Or would all choices be equally as bad? And what was it all for? A Volvo 242. I like the car, but for the amount of frustration, the reward was insufficient compensation.

I’ll do the Trial later, but I ran out of a viable amount of time in which to be able to do it. ¶ As it‘s now later, here is the Trial. I came 4th in the Volcán Sprint, but couldn’t catch the drivatar ahead of me. The humans were victorious (Humanus errare est! [Are you sure about that? –ed.]) I came 5th in Reservorio, but could’ve come 4th because the player ahead of me was taking corners like a drunk dalek. We won that race, too, and I got another 2017 Ford GT.

As for the Great MS Gaming Mess, FH5 has suddenly been behaving even though it skips the big splash screen and still insists on syncing – a fraught moment. The connection in free roam is still ropey as buggery, but I managed to do Horizon Open and a Horizon Tour (last daily of week 2) without any major issues. There have been some of those anonymous gaming services updates which may have addressed the issues that were plaguing FH5. Similarly, the Minecraft Launcher seems to be working properly again.