Occasional Tales

 I guessed that the treasure was to be found in the north corner of the spaceport. I was right. First time in ages. I needed to do Aston Martin Nights to get the DB5. I used the DB7. Festival Chase was awful in cockpit view with all the spray coming off the road, Matsumi Climb switched to daylight, but the additional traffic didn’t actually affect the race ’cos it was way easier to see. Shimanoyama Charge was a repeat of the preceding race, but at night. And then I was able to do the weekly except I upgraded the car before leaving my house, which meant I had to do a drivetrain swap to spend CR20,000 on the car, leave the house, and return to undo all of it. A couple of Street Scene races. Gods! An HSP interrupted this, but this week I jumped on it, and then one-shotted the SZ task. And as I was in the DB5, this was also a good opportunity to deal with the photo to acquire yet another stupid phrase that no sane adult would ever utter. Rally on Dirt was B-class total rally, but ...

I went Geoguesser on the treasure hunt, assuming that it’d probably be down one of the green lanes in Tokyo. I was right, and even picked the right lane just near the Raku Raku icon. I’d not driven the Honda e previously, and it didn’t surprise me that there was no racing event in the weekly since EVs are typically weak in races. I also used the weekly to deal with the photo challenge, which was another round of me: “There’s the mascot.” Game: No, wrong place . Me: “What about here?” Game: Fine . Me: “What’s the difference?” Game: Don’t ask questions. The Forza gods have spoken . Are unlimited buggies starting to be the off-road equivalent of B-class modern rally? I was back in the Ariel Nomad for Unlimited Buddies , although I admit it’s my only properly built A-class car in this category. Oh, and what absolute larks! All night time races. I had to close the curtain or the glare created too much contrast to see properly. This also reminded me why I’m even less fond of cross-country ra...

As usual, I started with the treasure hunt. I knew roughly where I could find it and then had to narrow down the exactly location to the end of the track above the waterfall with the view of the temple(/pagoda). The weekly was doing things in the Fiat Abarth 131, which was a favourite of mine in FH5. The challenge to get three ultimate wreckage skills was the usual random sort of thing. There’s probably a good place to go and do this, but I don’t happen to know where it is. I took a picture of a Lamborghini and got, er, something. Rickets? Probably. I picked the G Wagen for Out of the Loop , but feel this was probably a mistake. It was understeery round the annoying Kawazu Nanadaru spiral. I went too fast into the turn at the bottom of the hill in Cherry Field Trail . Crash! Bollocks! The good thing about this seasonal was that three missing cars came out to play, and I got snaps of them. For It’s Snow Problem At All I went with another old favourite from FH4, the Range Rover Sport S...

I knew about where the treasure chest would be at the tip of the north-east peninsula. The weekly in the Ariel Nomad had me PB the golf course TB twice. For the CC race I did Yahikoyama and ran into a bug. On the big jump the nose of the car bounced upwards and it spun round on its rear wheels just as it pleased. I used a DS for the photo op., just missing a randomly stationary traffic car as I approached the jump. Mud, sweat and gears said “total buggies and off-road”. I thought “total” meant “anything goes”, but the game then said “unlimited” I ended up back in the Ariel Nomad. Poor labelling once again. If only PGG might employ a literate intern. The reward for Are ya winning, S1? was the Ariel Nomad, which ought to have been the reward for Mud, sweat and gears , and the Ford GT or something similar should have been the reward for this. I immediately suspected that Horizon Play (“three awesome air skills in a rally monster”) was forcing players to go CC racing because in those th...

According to tradition and a fear of bugs, I started with the treasure hunt for which I got an A for completion and an F for dignity since I toppled over the edge of the building and landed roof-first on the chest. Later, I saw a video of what we were supposed to have done, which involved jumping to the lower floor of the building and then jumping obliquely across a gap. Later, I saw a video of my method. I hadn’t previously tried the RAM 1500 TRX, which was the car for the weekly. It was heavy and not much inclined to turn. Went over to the spaceport for the photo op. For the ST I started with the 2020 Supra which, I think, with a clear run I could’ve hit the target. Casting about for the right car, I lighted on the NSX-R GT. Engine swap and not much else, and managed to hit the target without too much rewinding for the excessive amounts of traffic impeding me. I one-shotted the TB in the WP Evo VIII, and then one-shotted the DZ in the Acty. The wheel spins were excellent (although I ...

The week of the rubbish SWSs. This week’s treasure hunt was a dirt race in a retro rally car, with the treasure just outside Horizon Wilds. I now have over 180,000 FPs. No point in buying another Sesto Elemento as I have three. I think the two others are both gifts. At least one is. The weekly was in the Nissan Pulsar, which is a car I like except when it’s in some annoying Street Scene race. At least I have two, which meant that one was ready for dirt racing, and I’d obviously used it on the previous occasion because I didn’t need to spend money on an engine swap for the final task. Eventlab returned with Rally Trail . I have to applaud the creator’s dedication to everything apart from the course itself, which was worse than deranged spaghetti. It took a couple of attempts to do the DS because I bounced and flipped on landing. It was the week of the irritating SZs, too. Couple of attempts to get the one near Mulegé (the International Scout proved to be idea). It was also my choice for...

 I started with the treasure hunt. Do a DS in any Supra. The treasure is in the castle car park. The weekly was in the 1997 Honda Civic Type R. Mine was in A class, but revving like it was S2 class. I rebuilt it, and more or less got the same thing. Probably best in B class. I did the photo in Ek’ Balam because it also took care of the photo challenge. I one-shotted all of the PWR stunts and PB’ed the DS in the International Scout. I also got a three-car SWS for the DZ, but sold them as I’m fed up with the absence of any expressions of gratitude from recipients of the decent cars which I’ve been giving away. (Gifting is an aspect of FH5 which, I hope, we never see again.) I also one-shotted the HW and RA PR stunts, but the latter got me a rubbish SWS. Eventlab (1). Touge Battle . Night time. Ugh. Annoying, narrow course. Ugh. Props fairly decent. Eventlab (2). Cobra Drift Park . Stupid, ridiculous layout, which I think I cheated to complete because I was suddenly going in the wrong...

A slightly late post because I’ve been on my travels. Impertinence of the week: age verification. While I look nothing like an 18-year-old, I’m sure the system said to itself, “Hmmm, ’bout 45±15, I reckon.” At least, I’m pretty sure it said that. Nonetheless, parents! it’s your responsibility to monitor your children, not the government’s to do it for you and thus ruin everyone else’s fun. We start with a treasure hunt. Picture of a Ford Falcon in front of that waterfall. And in case you think I’m being a miser, I actually spent some FPs in the Forzathon Shop on a horn that I’ll never ever use. The weekly was in the 2000 Nissan Silvia Spec R. The race was all right, but after two weeks of doing the bare minimum in the game, I was more than a little rusty. My attempts to do the drift tasks were, erm, painful. All right, so I was trying to do this RWD, which I’m terrible at, but I didn’t want to do a drivetrain swap [ Lazy old git . –ed.] The trick for the ultimate drifts seemed to be to...

Treasure hunt. Picture of off-roader in Teotihuacán. Treasure in stadium again. Thank the gods I’ll never have to do that again. Meanwhile, in Horizon 6 … The weekly. The Jaguar E-Type. For bonus irony points, I drove the one with the Lunar New Year livery. I have three with this paint job because not long after we did that series, less enlightened people seemed desperate to get rid of them. The ST was no problem in the GTC4 Lusso for an SWS that was one-third good and one-third very good. And then we come to that sodding SZ. It was a case of bashing away at it in the Ferrari Enzo until – as on every other occasion – the Forza gods smiled with malign benevolence and gave my car a nudge to just pass the required speed. The tank detective is on the hotel balcony off to the right of the jump. I knew it was somewhere around there, but I ended up one level down. Made no difference when I took the piccie. The HW PR stunt was another nuisance thing, where I’d appreciate it if either a.) any A...

Turn on, tune in, drop out. PGG has been posting share codes for tunes for new cars via in-game messages. Not quite sure why they’ve been doing this since while it’s possible to reconstruct how a car was upgraded, it’s not possible to see the precise tuning settings (i.e., as an aid for players wondering about such settings). At least I don’t think it is. This state of affairs has had the Chief Try-Hard (CTH) on the forums fulminating about how there are better tuners, whose work should be promoted etc. By and large I’ve never bothered with other people’s tunes. I do my own, which I’d describe as cosy – a pleasant driving experience so long as you aren’t being a Horizon Open try-hard yourself. However, I thought I’d try the tune being promoted for the AMC Rebel, expecting that I was probably going to say to myself, “I wish I could build and tune like that.” Sometimes I’m wrong. I installed the tune on the new Rebel and took it for a spin round the Horizon Mexico Circuit . I have to con...

 Last call for the final sitting. The weekly. Some fat, overpowered Dodge with no handling. Do an A-class drag race (ugh). It gets worse because the small print says “stock”. Well, don’t say A-class since this is neither here nor there. In the end I had to buy a new Challenger because even after restoring the car (paints, parts and tuning) to its pristine, virgin glory, the drag race wasn’t being ticked off. I was ticked off because I had to buy a new Challenger and now have four of these bloated messes in my garage. And if one drag race wasn’t pointless enough, I then had to do another in S1 class. Another week of S2-class PR stunts. I PB’ed the DS, but not before I’d hit the wall to the left, hit the wall to the right, and had the tail or nose of the car droop down for no obvious reason. I one-shotted and PB’ed the SZ for a one-third good SWS. I did the usual thing with the TB, heading for the road to the right and curving round so as to be spared all the bouncing over the dunes....

We start the week with #ForcedEngagement, viz. upgrading some Ford Focus on the Test Track (let’s hope this isn’t an exercise which gets repeated in FH6) to win 300 FPs. I have over 144,000, but it was only 142,000 last week. Gods, I’m on my uppers. Spare some FPs, guv? The weekly in the AR Giulia was straightforward enough, but a drag race? Warum? (he said randomly in German.) Oddly enough I managed to do the drift task, RWD, without making a complete arse of myself in the process. For the first time in this series, the Eventlab tiles were live from the start. SZ 2.11 was that awful, extended version of Cathedral with garish lighting stolen from a disco c. 1978. Some of the checkpoints were poorly placed with respect to the turns beyond them. Well, it could be worse, and was in the form of Ark Seacoast Drift Town . The use of props in this one is excellent, but the circuit leaves much to be desired. As I drive in cockpit view, there are times where I can’t see where the next checkpoi...

Because I’m so important, the treasure hunt completed itself for me. Yes, it’s that broken treasure hunt again, which leaves a big red circle on Mulegé, but no reward for doing nothing. With no treasure hunt, I jumped to the weekly in the Ariel Atom, a car which I used to like, but find to be far too light and floaty for my tastes. I one-shotted all the PR stunts and was uniformly rewarded with complete and utter rubbish. I also did 50 Years of Porsche in the 2023 911 Turbo S to win a second 911 Turbo S. Some crappy driving on my part, but I’m very much out of practice with AWD cars. I got a fairly easy wreckage skills HA, although I wish the game would register everything you destroy rather than counting one thing and ignoring the next five before counting something else. I tried the HW PR stunt in the Czinger, but needed the F40 Competizione to get the job done. For the second (?) time ever, the SWS was two-thirds good and one-third very good, which compensated for the rubbish I’d p...

I started with the weekly in the 2003 VW Golf. I was all right for the events apart from the jump, and as I didn’t want to rebuild my B-class Golf, I bought a new one for that and the speed skills. I got a horn for taking a photo of the 2003 BMW M5 on the bridge. Now I can be as irritating as all the annoying 12-year-olds who insist on blasting me with their stupid horns in races or outside of them. [ You don’t need a horn to be irritating . –ed.] I one-shotted the DZ in my BMW X6 and got a one-third very good SWS. I thought the TB in the crappy old Beetle might be a pain, but I also managed to one-shot it. The strategy is to head towards the road to the right and then go across the sand which is sparsely covered with plants. Rubbish SWS. The ST took a couple of goes because I needed to lower the aero settings on the car. One-third good SWS. Eventlab. VW Rally . Well, half true because about half the circuit is tarmac. Quite a good use of the German flag throughout the course as a deco...

Ten wreckage skills in a GT car. I won treasure (alongside the Street Scene outpost) that I don’t need, being a few hundred FPs short of 125K of them. The mural for the photo is just south of the start of Cruce de Valle on the wall of the house. I knew it was round there somewhere from the previous occasion. The weekly in the Lexus RC F was mostly unremarkable. Bad launch in the street scene race in which I didn’t take the lead until the last couple of turns. PR stunts. The DS was tricky because I ended up with too much speed or angle. Rubbish SWS. The TB was vexatious because I know what to do, but haven’t done it in some time. Another rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the ST for more bloody rubbish. Eventlab (1). Mulegé Street Circuit . A variation on the usual circuit which – I probably said this last time – needs practice. Rubbish SWS. Eventlab (2). Aeroplane Graveyard Circuit . Really rally monsters round a cross country circuit. Not well constructed, with the first turn being about 5m ...

 I’d normally start the Festival playlist with the treasure hunt in case it’s still bugged, but I started with the weekly in the Senna instead. No issues apart from running into a live HA which I ignored to complete the rest of the tasks. For FH6, they need to add a pop-up which says “Join HA Y/N”, which allows players to opt out because the siting of such events is often a blasted nuisance (e.g. over a player house; right across the motorway; etc.) I also used the Senna to find the Festival site south of the stadium and deal with the daily, being the usual photo-at-the-Festival-site routine. I switched to my Range Rover SVR to deal with the collectibles that are supposed to be south of the stadium. The treasure hunt was merely a matter of doing an SZ in the Willys Jeep. I don’t know whether I was supposed to get at least one star, but the job was done and I got my treasure, which was close to the end of the airfield runway. For the first time in a while we had an Eventlab, Skyline...

How could I not two-star that sodding SZ with the Deberti Mustang in one go to complete the treasure hunt? I even came off both bridges. Bloody disgraceful. I now have 110,000FPs. How? I haven’t done 2,000FPs of graft since last week. The weekly was in the MB 190E, which is not a car I especially like at the best of time in comparison with its near contemporaries. I repainted it in a garish green and slapped a stripe in the colours of the German flag on it. This had nothing to do with the weekly, but the car is rather drab. The PR stunts were the International Scout with the annoying engine swap to ruin the handling to complete the tasks. I one-shotted the SZ and the ST, but had to do the engine swap for the DS. Eventlab (1). Lighthouse National Circuit . Marks off for making me waste time going to Eventlab Island. Why can’t we just drive over a bridge to the island? The layout needs to be doubled in size, and the checkpoints kept winking into existence as I went round the circuit. The...

I haven’t managed to do the treasure hunt because that’s dependent on the right sort of treasure hunt (i.e., wreckage skills) turning up. I’ll get it done in due course. I’ll be glad to see the back of this series and the interminable night and night-time races. The weekly challenge was in the 2012 Nissan GT-R. What did we have to do? A Street Scene race. Scream! I smashed (literally in the game) three STs. I had to check to see whether I’d completed the challenge because I got no notification of it. I’m not even certain whether I had to callously mow down one camera or both. I one-shotted the ST, but had to redo the DS because the car went tail down. I one-shotted the SZ in the Brabham. A single one-third good SWS and the other two were rubbish. Eventlab (1). Ejime Race Track . Another bloody night race. The lights are guides rather than a source of illumination. The track is mostly all right, but I wasn’t impressed by the excessively tight hairpin. It’s the sort of circuit that’s pro...

I probably haven’t driven the Meyers Manx since the last time we were forced to drive this thing. In the Baja California race, it was completely outclassed by the Delorean and the VW Thing (which introduced this week’s theme – drivatars cheating in dirt races). As I’ve said before, this is the sort of car that’s driven by pretty blonde girls in tampon adverts. For this week’s DZ, it immediately became apparent that you’re supposed to use one of the Hoonigan clown cars. Rubbish SWS. I’m OK with the TB, La Marisma , even if I don’t ever do it. I’m not OK when I get bounced into a tree, but my Renault 5 Turbo was the right car for the job. The game being the veriest model of generosity gave me yet another crappy SWS. Eventlab. Guanajuato Race Track . One lap would’ve been enough of this combination of Panorámica and Cathedral . Good use of props. Baja Mil was the most annoying thing since the last time it was the most annoying thing. I’m sure I repeated myself by starting in the Desert...

The game was much less kind this week, and I actually had to do something to complete the treasure hunt. The weekly challenge was in the Hoonigan F-150, which has the advantage of being AWD. Of course, some wit at PGG had to include the Volcán Sprint , although apart from the wiggly bit (I was too fast into it), I managed not to make a fool of myself. That got me another Sierra 700R as well. Woohoo! Shopping trolleys for everyone. Time for the PR stunts. One-shotted the danger sign for a one-third good SWS. One-shotted and PB’ed the speed trap for a rubbish SWS (isn’t that always the way?) No, wait, there’s more. Went up a level and got a better wheel spin. I managed to one-shot the drift zone for another rubbish SWS. Eventlab (1), Crop Circle Stadium Rally . Points on for props. Points off for placement of props because the intermittent tyre bundles were a potential nuisance. Points off for overpowered cars on a go-kart track. Points on for this being limited to two laps. Eventlab (2)...