Occasional Tales

Treasure hunt. Five jumps anywhere in the Datsun 510. Again, the treasure was in the stadium, but not too difficult to track down. The weekly. 1971 Plymouth Cuda. What, game, is a Hard Charger skill? I’ve had many down the years, but couldn’t define one even if I was the OED’s chief lexicographer. Had to six-star an ST or two. For the Street Scene race, I went to my usual go-to – Jungle Descent , but as this is the season of fog, I switched to Granjas de Tapalpa . Eventlab (1). Circuit des Reines . Good layout, cartoony props, terrible road surface. It’s easy to get beached on the kerbs, but it’d be nice if this could be done properly in the game as a proper motorsport track. Rubbish SWS. Eventlab (2). Close and Technical . Marks on for props. Marks off for night, rain, glare from the lights, and silly layout. One-third excellent SWS. I just managed to one-shot the DS for a one-third good SWS. The ST took several attempts, but required the right car (2015 Corvette Z06) and a bit longer...

Treasure hunt. Six stars in SZs in an EV. I went with one of Audis and had it done in two. The treasure was in the stadium maze, but not difficult to find. Ah, yes, that bloody stadium maze again. I now have over 150,000 FPs, but I spent some on a second 300 SL. The weekly. In the Peel Trident. Absolute clown car. “Upgrade the car to B class or higher,” it says when your only choice with the motorbike engine seems to be A class. I eventually managed to complete an SZ to the tune of three stars, but the car has bugger all handling. I preferred the drag race because at least that’s in a straight line. I suppose this will be another series in which we have to drive the Isetta, probably the Reliant Robin, and finally the Peel P50. What a ghastly menagerie. For the PR stunts I used the Mitsubishi Montero. I had to redo the DS because as usual, it was a case of the car going in the right direction by a few tenths of 1°. The SWS was rubbish apart from an Opel Manta, which I sold because I don...

Now with added Eventlab. This week’s treasure hunt – TB in a Polestar – worked properly. The treasure was over in Ek’ Balam. The weekly in the Audi TT RS posed no problems. I ought to have used the right car for the SZ PR stunt, but you had to do an S1-class race and I couldn’t be bothered faffing round with switching between cars. I went back to the SZ in the right sort of car and one-shotted it for a one-third very good SWS. The DS took a couple of attempts because I needed a slightly longer run-up. SWS was one-third good. I also one-shotted the ST for another one-third good SWS. I did the drift HA and even one-shotted the DZ at the end, which is a first for me, I think. Four Rivals races this week. a.) Bola Ocho in the Fiesta was all right, albeit in the wet. b.) The Camry in Gran Pantano was all right, but the car needs proper building and tuning. c.) El Pípila in the Durango was a reminder of what a bloated, pointless barge it is. I think the only times I’ve driven thi...

The treasure hunt seems to be a matter of doing the stadium circuit inside the track, not starting from outside. The treasure is up near the tunnel to the bridge. I needed it because 130,000+ FPs is utter penury these days. We got the Bentley Turbo R and the Bentayga as gifts. Some players might think we’re being rewarded for our loyalty to the brand. Others might think we’ve got landed with two more chubby paperweights. The weekly in the KTM X-Bow wasn’t worth commenting about. Make up your own comments. “I liked the bit when the car stopped, and the driver got out, and it was a sexy lady in a bikini made of seat material from the Bentley Turbo R.” Eventlab (1). The Mayan Discovery . O hairy-testicled gods, why have ye inflicted this ghastly thing on us again? Eventlab (2). Royal Palms International . Decent layout (barring a couple of overly tight corners) and length, good use of props, sodding awful road surface (which can’t be blamed on the creator). The SWS was one-third excellent...

No treasure hunt again and these days 130,000 FPs or so just doesn’t feel sufficient. What are you trying to do to me, game? Turn me into some pauper? I’ve a good mind to take you out the back of the chemical sheds and thrash you with a soft pair of lady’s undies. However, lady’s knickers aside, I started with the weekly in the 1994 Mazda MX-5 Miata which cause no real problems because I almost certainly used the very car that I used on the previous occasion. Rivals in the 2023 911 GT3 RS was a doddle. I dislike the Porsche Dakar (remember, kids, it’s pronounced “Rallye”), but survived in spite of its slidey ways. Another week with a single Eventlab race. Forza: Warthog Rally is a Halo-themed map, although it’s the only Eventlab race in which I’ve ever seen these props used. It sort of resembles Copper Canyon Cross Country . PR stunts. I one-shotted the TB somehow even though I haven’t done it in ages and took a slightly off line. Rubbish SWS. I also one-shotted the SZ on dirt without...

Treasure hunt. Trade paint in the VW Beetle, win a wonderful prize. Spend your winnings on, er… I did something different with the weekly challenge. First, I didn’t get the all-too-similar Challenger and Charger mixed up. Second, I did all the tasks in the stock car, which I wrapped in a wood vinyl since I never see anyone using them. I managed to one-shot the TB in the Rimac Concept 2, but suspected correctly that its phenomenal acceleration would compensate for any suboptimal driving. Rubbish SWS. Screw you, game. Took me a couple of goes to do the DZ. I was a little surprised because I thought my first attempt went quite well, whereas my second one had its moments of incompetence. A one-third very good SWS. I used the same car, the Hoonigan Mustang, for the DS and then swapped to the Jesko. PB’ed it, and an SWS that was one-third good and one-third very good. I dealt with the HA after that, fast travelling straight into the event. I discovered last night that I’d never driven the 20...

I drifted down Costa Este for the treasure hunt and still managed over 800,000 points in spite of my lack of practise. I can’t even recall what the treasure was, but suspect that 100,000FPs are not far away. Nothing much to report about the weekly. I did Marigold for the race, my usual speed zone, and easily hit the speed target. I one-shotted the DS for a two-thirds good SWS. I PB’ed the ST on the bridge outside Mulegé for another two-thirds good SWS. Took me a couple of attempts to do the SZ because I was too tentative on my first try. The SWS was one-third good. Eventlab (1). Parametric . Props – full marks. Road surface – pah! Track layout – fine. Choice of cars – inappropriate. Nighttime – all marks deducted for annoying me. Eventlab (2). Miami Vice Riverside Drive . I went with the Ferrari Challenge Stradale for this one. Props were all right, the layout was fine (but say it in an ironic tone of voice). Nighttime – sodding irritating again. The SWS was one-third good. The Trial...

Treasure hunt. Drive ugly, fake Mustang from the 1990s. Win CR90,000. Oh, ha ha. Rivals. Subaru SVX round Emerald Circuit . Horrible gears stock. Then Chihuahua in the Soarer. Horrible gears and terrible handling. Both cars about as exciting as cold spam fritters on a grey Sunday morning. Weekly in the Ferrari F50. This is a car I like, but I think I need to rebuild it. No probs with the various tasks. I took a snap of the 22B-STi. I got some ghastly clothing that makes me look like one of those poor unfortunates outside shops handing out flyers or scaring small children in a vain attempt to seem cuddly. I did the Eliminator. Even got to 11th before someone provided me with the keys to my freedom. I think I might add this to my list of things to shun. Actually, I almost got timed out when I wandered into Guanajuato looking for a car drop, and the barrier went whizzing past me. I started the PR stunts in the Elise GT1, but switched to the overpowered Cerbera. I eventually managed to PB...

I have a shitty Friday timetable, having English P1 with the A2s and English P10 with the A2s. I have a longish lunchtime (Future me: no, even that’s been screwed over) during which I can do some of the Festival playlist, but which in future I’m more likely to use for a much-needed nap unless someone fixes the timetable. In other words, I may not post anything till Saturday or Sunday, depending on how energetic I feel. (I see I said this last week. Well, I tend to forget such things at my age. #GeriatricGit.) We start as ever with the treasure hunt. I used the Audi E-Tron as my choice of annoying EV. The treasure had to be in the stadium maze, but there’s an easy cheat in that you can drive up a ramp near the entrance close to the chest and see from above where it’s stashed. Fast travel to safety afterwards. The weekly was horrid. Peel Trident? Ugh with bells on. I hope the weekly with the Isetta will be less painful. Eventlab. Only one this week, Meereen Creek Oasis , and the tile was...