FH5, Series 52, Week 1

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No treasure hunt again and these days 130,000 FPs or so just doesn’t feel sufficient. What are you trying to do to me, game? Turn me into some pauper? I’ve a good mind to take you out the back of the chemical sheds and thrash you with a soft pair of lady’s undies. However, lady’s knickers aside, I started with the weekly in the 1994 Mazda MX-5 Miata which cause no real problems because I almost certainly used the very car that I used on the previous occasion.

Rivals in the 2023 911 GT3 RS was a doddle. I dislike the Porsche Dakar (remember, kids, it’s pronounced “Rallye”), but survived in spite of its slidey ways.

Another week with a single Eventlab race. Forza: Warthog Rally is a Halo-themed map, although it’s the only Eventlab race in which I’ve ever seen these props used. It sort of resembles Copper Canyon Cross Country.

PR stunts. I one-shotted the TB somehow even though I haven’t done it in ages and took a slightly off line. Rubbish SWS. I also one-shotted the SZ on dirt without changing the Audi TT and was rewarded with an SWS that was one-third good and one-third very good. The DZ took a couple of attempts in the same car, but I nearly messed up the second one at the end. I was awarded with another SWS that was one-third good and one-third very good.

Took a photo (still in the Audi TT) and got a ridiculous American hat. Somehow when the Americans wear them, it all looks perfectly natural, but if I wore one, I’d look like an utter dickhead. [You don’t need a hat for that. –ed.]

I managed to one-shot and PB the HW PR stunt with a level of incompetence that would’ve won awards. Well, it won me a one-third very good SWS.

For the RA PR stunt, I immediately suspected the Porsche Taycan CT and was right. I one-shotted the DZ for a rubbish SWS.

We had a Horizon Tour (HT) this week. I had thought that the S2 Extreme Track Toys series got me an accolade, and finally, I got the series I’d been seeking. This was a huge and horrible mistake. Firstly, it appears I have the accolade or no such accolade exists. I did the race in my BMW M8 GTE (S2 922). Everyone else was a try-hard in something S2 998. In HTs I’m either hoping to get a 1st or a podium of some sort; and if not a podium, then to be ahead of the drivatars. Instead, I got DNF’ed in all three races, and am not sure whether I managed to pass all the drivatars in any of them. Copper Canyon was not helped by some clown in an F50 blocking most of the bridge, which knocked me off. At least I didn’t flip over, but the damage was done.

I chose the 2023 Porsche 911 Turbo S for the Trial because it was already S1 900. I started in second and came 2nd in Copper Canyon because the car to choose appears to have been the Audi R8. Team win, but only by 50pts. I won Chihuahua in spite of some awful driving (I think I’m well out of practice with AWD cars; also, the player in 1st seemed to have given up), but we lost as a team (bloody typical when I win the race). I started in third for Riviera and came 2nd. A solid team win.

The Backstage Pass vote should be a one-sided affair because, I think, one of the choices includes a reward car this week.

The next series vote is a veritable shrug. I remember Fordzathon being a Ford series in name only. It doesn’t matter which one we do next. Pick your preferred shrug.

FH6: Japan, the roads

I’ve already seen various comments demanding that the roads in FJ6 should be narrower. A moment’s reflection would show what a terrible idea that is. Monaco, anyone? Or a bunch of frustrated 12-year-olds whose only means of passing is to ram and shove. I suspect the roads in these games have to be wide to prevent every event becoming a parade race or utter carnage all the way. I’m hoping we won’t get too much of Sierra Nueva replicated in the map.

I have no idea what Tokyo is like to navigate, but for all its prettiness, Guanajuato was an absolute maze in comparison with Edinburgh.

FH6: Japan, the cars

I don’t expect much of a change to the usual roster. Extreme E probably out. BYD in because it’s now a big player in the marketplace (although I hope we don’t see more EVs in the game). Hoonigan survives because it’s a brand and not just Ken Block. The VW Beetle becomes just another car again.

I hope that

  • cars from older Horizon games won’t be released into FH6 under the pretence that they’re new;
  • gifting is never seen again;
  • various Stellantis models (i.e., Alfa Romeo, Fiat, Abarth) return to the game along with everything else;
  • car masteries(/perks) for races are neutral;
  • the return of a specific category of cars for races as in Horizon 4 (i.e., get rid of the damnable cult of anything goes);
  • any new car can be won at any time whether someone’s been playing the game since launch or not;
  • GT3 as a separate category from extreme track toys;
  • GT4 as a new category (supposing that we get proper racing cars in the game);
  • an expansion of the off-road category, which is currently pathetic;
  • and whatever else I’ve currently forgotten.

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