FH5, Series 46, Week 4

I probably haven’t driven the Meyers Manx since the last time we were forced to drive this thing. In the Baja California race, it was completely outclassed by the Delorean and the VW Thing (which introduced this week’s theme – drivatars cheating in dirt races). As I’ve said before, this is the sort of car that’s driven by pretty blonde girls in tampon adverts.

For this week’s DZ, it immediately became apparent that you’re supposed to use one of the Hoonigan clown cars. Rubbish SWS. I’m OK with the TB, La Marisma, even if I don’t ever do it. I’m not OK when I get bounced into a tree, but my Renault 5 Turbo was the right car for the job. The game being the veriest model of generosity gave me yet another crappy SWS.

Eventlab. Guanajuato Race Track. One lap would’ve been enough of this combination of Panorámica and Cathedral. Good use of props.

Baja Mil was the most annoying thing since the last time it was the most annoying thing. I’m sure I repeated myself by starting in the Desert Dingo before switching to the other VW racing Beetle, and then restarting every race because of the impossible performances from the drivatars. The wins were by slivers. What was the reward? A hat that makes the wearer look like an utter plonker.

I went with the FJ40 for Inspiration from Japan, although I suspect that the last time I used the Celica. The Land Cruiser seemed to be a good choice, but the drivatars in the Toyota Tundra were weirdly fast. Ginger up their botties? Probably. Meanwhile, some of the other drivatars were in the least suitable cars for dirt racing. All this for that terrible 2000GT.

Thankfully some road racing in First come, first served. I’m going to start calling these sorts of races stock+ because the pool of available cars is in the same class (in this case C 600), which means the scope for building cars is very, very limited. I preferred the 1970 GSX because it had more power, but it meant I had no clue where to brake for that sharp right-hander in Descansar Dorado. Rewind, resume, slide, slam into wall, repeat. I get worried that if I drive sensibly in cars with bugger all handling, the drivatars are going to make a mockery of me. In Bahía de Plano my driving was less than exemplary at times. Lookout had to have wet tarmac. Scream!

For the Trial I’d already decided to use the 1965 Alfa Romeo Giulia Sprint. I tested quite a few eligible cars, but none of the others were quite to my taste. The field was mostly DB5s, which, I thought, were too chunky, and mostly stock apart from one player. Another player had a Dino, which was a reasonable choice. I was on the front row of Emerald and came 2nd, being unable to catch the drivatar in the lead. My teammates all made asses of themselves, hence we lost this round. For Tierra Próspera I was at the back, but came 3rd in a very close battle for any podium place. I was hoping the players in 1st and 2nd might knock each other out because there was some argy-bargy between them. This time, in spite of two of the players in stock DB5s persisting, we won the race. I was second on the grid for Cathedral and came 2nd. Another team win.

This reminds me that I forgot to do the HW and RA PR stunts. I don’t really need to.

I see that we’re about to endure another month of playing Horizon 5 in the dark. Gods.

Black Panthaa is now on the FH6-in-Japan bandwagon. If there’s one thing that has me leaning that way, it’s MS porting FH5 to PS5 to circumvent the indifference of Japanese gamers to the xbox. Horizon 6 in Japan would be another instance of setting the game in an emerging market – at least for Horizon games. I also feel that we’re unlikely to get some announcement about FH6 in June, although I’d like to be wrong about that. My main reason is that it’d seem to be a bit silly to have Horizon 5 on PS5 for about another seven months before the next Horizon game comes out. At the same time, the game has a whole new player base, which prolongs its existence. By the time we’re done with FH5, we might just about have done every series twice.