FH5, Series 27, Week 4

Prefatory note

I’ve been out of sorts since last weekend. My anxiety levels shot up and I was having one or more migraines a day. I went to see a doctor who prescribed Ativan, which is supposed to treat anxiety. What’s one of the side effects? Er, anxiety. Another side effect is visual oddities. The less bothersome is that colours tend to be muted and grainy. The more bothersome is when things ripple in and out of view. I hope things will calm down through the passage of next week, but I have to admit I did this week’s playlist under the influence. Don’t do it, children! Don’t do it! (And what’s worse I can’t have my customary glass of wine while I’m taking the Ativan; what cruel, heartless pharmaceutical company would deprived a chap of his glass of wine?)

On with the games

Luckily, I was already in the Exocet when I started the game. Treasure hunt done.

The weekly was to drive an ageing American barge (the 2017 F-150) or some antique version of the same from the Dark Ages. I’d done nothing with the 2017 F-150 and ended up racing it stock in Tapalpa where it was triumphant, but leaden. I have a cryptic note which I think says, “Corners – ugh.” Probably about right.

Circuito Whitewolf had me back in my Lexus RC F, but being thoroughly irked by stop-start-stop-start-slide, I switched the car to AWD and slapped on the roughest tune I’ve ever made to complete this wholly annoying task.

I casually one-shotted the speed trap in the Challenger R/T. One-third good SWS. I one-shotted the speed zone in the Magnum, which in spite of being a beetle-browed brick [Sir, you alliterate too far! –ed.] has continued to rise in my estimation. Took a couple of goes to deal with the trailblazer. The answer seems to go to the right and curve back towards the end gate. My approach worked, but lacked elegance. Another one-third good SWS.

Flow Rider was a Street Scene championship. I managed to survive it in my Lexus RC F, but my driving was atrocious even for a bunch of races I don’t normally bother with.

For Quarter-buick I went with the Buick Regal GNX because it was less fat than the other dreary old banger. It was clearly one of those car choices where you have next to no scope for building something effective and are instead reduced to adding washers, lino, the rosette off a watering can, and the hair from a mermaid’s upper lip. I started RWD, but the car had such terrible braking round Tierra Próspera that I switched to AWD for the loathsome Panorámica. But even the otherwise familiar Plaza Circuit had to be relearnt. We got the 2015 Corvette Z06, which is a car I like, but I was beginning to reach the point where I’d absolutely had enough of American Automotive.

I eventually managed to join a Horizon Tour, which was ironic because earlier in the game, there’d been HAs on the map. This was some dirt racing. Cue the clowns in the usual cheatmobiles that ought to be banned from such races. Cue one clown late in Tapalpa trying to force me off the road because I happened to have turned up in my Fiat 131. He failed. Plank. I got knocked away from a checkpoint round San Juan, but suspect that it was either incompetence on the part of the other player or third-party malice. I got DNF’ed twice. (I’m making my not-impressed-face.)

The quickly realised that the HW PR was one of those where there’s one and only one car to use. Again – to parody Orwell – “All A-class cars are equal, but some A-class cars are more equal than others”. The most equal choice appears to be the 2005 Ford GT (suggestion from Cashless on the forums). Probably the car combines a lot of hp and just enough PI to help. The SWS was rubbish and included a Durango. Wasn’t that a reward last week?

For Unlimited Power, I thought that a Hummer EV would be ideal. Except no, because somehow Hummer EVs are French, and I went back to my old standby, the Trailcat. The main nuisance was some cheating Warthog and I was delighted to win a Ford Cortina. I recall those when I was a boy. Didn’t rate ’em then, either.

The 2005 Ford GT also one-shotted the danger sign in Sierra Nueva. Why didn’t they just name this as the car to use instead of making me waste my time working out which car we’re meant to use? (No, you can’t just drive any old car; BoP? What’s that?)

The seasonal in Sierra Nueva, Superpowered, was a stark reminder just how much I loathe the expansion, which is so much like the Eventlab events we’ve had recently – stop-start-stop-start-screaminfrustration! More bad driving on my part, but but not so bad that I didn’t win. I got a Ford Capri. I couldn’t be less indifferent.

Lastly, the Trial. My brain’s a bit addled (as you might guess) and I thought that since this was pickups and 4-by-4s, this would be dirt racing. I build myself a GMC Typhoon, but only discovered my mistake when I got to the Trial and hastily retuned it as if it’d been a road racer all along. I managed 5th in Aerodrómo and Línea Costera, but couldn’t quite catch the drivatar ahead of me. There are corners I should’ve taken better, but the job was done in two.

I’ll be glad to see the back of this series. We’ve had some good cars, but too many of the offerings were dull, domestic barges from the antique American market.