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FH5, Series 51, Week 4

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I started with the weekly in the 2003 VW Golf. I was all right for the events apart from the jump, and as I didn’t want to rebuild my B-class Golf, I bought a new one for that and the speed skills. I got a horn for taking a photo of the 2003 BMW M5 on the bridge. Now I can be as irritating as all the annoying 12-year-olds who insist on blasting me with their stupid horns in races or outside of them. [ You don’t need a horn to be irritating . –ed.] I one-shotted the DZ in my BMW X6 and got a one-third very good SWS. I thought the TB in the crappy old Beetle might be a pain, but I also managed to one-shot it. The strategy is to head towards the road to the right and then go across the sand which is sparsely covered with plants. Rubbish SWS. The ST took a couple of goes because I needed to lower the aero settings on the car. One-third good SWS. Eventlab. VW Rally . Well, half true because about half the circuit is tarmac. Quite a good use of the German flag throughout the course as a deco...
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FH5, Series 51, Week 3

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Treasure hunt. MB C63, Mulegé jump. Treasure near the drowned church. I now have over 130,000 FPs. And here’s something which, I hope, FH6 might address in some way. We only have a limited number of skill points, which are easily wiped out, but a grind to recover. Perhaps we could use FPs to buy skill points or something else in the game. The weekly challenge in the 2008 BMW Z4 M was a straightforward affair. Is FH6 going to persist with the Festival playlist? FH5 slightly fixed things by ditching the vexatious Showcase Remixes from FH4 and removing some of the grindier elements of the playlist, but the consensus seems to be that the playlist needs to go. Took a picture. Got a red suit. Gods, do I look like a sleazy lounge lizard or what. PR stunts. I tried the DS with the 2003 Porsche 911, but immediately expected that it wouldn’t have the power. I took a guess that it required an engine swap, but I also added AWD and off-road race tyres because of the terrain. These were good ideas, ...
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FH5, Series 51, Week 2

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The weekly in the Audi S1 was unremarkable. I suspect I haven’t touched the car since the last time this was the weekly challenge. I went on to the PR stunts. I one-shotted the DS and got a one-third good SWS. I took a guess that you were supposed to use the Taycan ST for the ST on the motorway. I well exceeded the target speed for a one-third good SWS. And then the wheels fell off with the ultra annoying Barranco TB. Which complete bloody noddy thought that starting a TB with a bunch of concealed rocks was a good idea? Or the path through the trees at the bottom? This was one of those PR stunts which quickly becomes a monstrous time suck, and natürlich, I had to be rewarded with a crappy SWS. Took a picture at the airfield and got an emote. O precious gift of the game, how others shall admire me for my Cool Moves™. [ Be quiet, you blithering ass . –ed.] Eventlab. Caldera Mountain Climb . Use of props, very good. Circuit, good on a mostly flat surface, but not so great on the side of a...
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FH5, Series 51, Week 1

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Treasure hunt. Drive along the motorway. Do the speed zone? Or just drive through the cloverleaf junction? Who knows. I completed the task and found that I just about had 127,000 FPs. The weekly in the 2012 MB SLK AMG was unproblematic. I even managed to drift the car for the skill points in spite of it being RWD. Normally, I end up spinning out sooner or later in such cars. Only one Rivals event this month round Mulegé in the Porsche 911 GT3, a car which is all right stock. As I hurtled towards the DS in the MB AMG 45, I sensed that the car needed max. engine to complete the task. My instincts were right, and I had to rebuild the car. One-third good SWS. I wasn’t surprised when it took me three attempts to do the SZ in the 2015 Audi TT before crashing into a rock before the irony of the SWS, which included a 2010 Audi  TT RS. It also took three attempts to complete the DZ in the BMW 325i for which I got a two-thirds excellent SWS. Only one Eventlab this week. Shipyard Autocross B...
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FH5, Series 50, Week 4

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Ten wreckage skills in a GT car. I won treasure (alongside the Street Scene outpost) that I don’t need, being a few hundred FPs short of 125K of them. The mural for the photo is just south of the start of Cruce de Valle on the wall of the house. I knew it was round there somewhere from the previous occasion. The weekly in the Lexus RC F was mostly unremarkable. Bad launch in the street scene race in which I didn’t take the lead until the last couple of turns. PR stunts. The DS was tricky because I ended up with too much speed or angle. Rubbish SWS. The TB was vexatious because I know what to do, but haven’t done it in some time. Another rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the ST for more bloody rubbish. Eventlab (1). Mulegé Street Circuit . A variation on the usual circuit which – I probably said this last time – needs practice. Rubbish SWS. Eventlab (2). Aeroplane Graveyard Circuit . Really rally monsters round a cross country circuit. Not well constructed, with the first turn being about 5m ...
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FH5, Series 50, Week 3

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 Do a DS in the Caterham, they said, implying that you have to jump 500m. Perhaps I only needed to do a DS in the Caterham. I now have over 120,000 FPs. No issues with the weekly in the 1987 Pontiac Firebird. In an aside, there seems to be an epidemic of idiot players stopping in the middle of the road to block the AI traffic. That used to be an occasional thing in FH4, but I’ve barely ever seen it in FH5. It’s annoying. Stop doing it, you complete plonkers. I one-shotted the DZ and DS, and took a couple of goes to complete the TB (lack of practice, but I just don’t… What is it, Jenkins? … We’ll talk about Japan later . …ever do these things unless I’m required to). And how was I rewarded? Rubbish, rubbish, and more bloody rubbish. I took a photo of the Datsun in the stadium. I won a pair of lacy knickers. Now I’ll be the sexiest boy in Mexico. [ You silly, deluded old git . –ed.] Eventlab (1). Edel Circuit . DUBS’ favourite custom-built circuit. Pity it has to use that horrid road...
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FH5, Series 50, Week 2

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 The weekly was in the 2013 Shelby GT 500. I may have retuned one of the cars, but I’m sure the S2-class car was just there to do zoomies. Take the photo where the danger sign over the river is. Went to Playa Azul to check out the hot babes… [ I don’t think you’re allowed to say “hot babes” on the Internet these days . –ed.] I mean, crash into ice creams. I think the game miscounted again, and doesn’t always appear to register events done in quick succession. I did quite a bit of rewinding to complete the TB in my Hoonigan RS200. I know what to do, but as I don’t bother with such things, it’s always trial and error. The SWS was one-third very good. I knew the SZ would be a pain and it was a pain. Again, I know there’s a technique (which is drifting round the U-shaped section). The SWS was one-third good; the wheel spin afterwards when I went up a level was better. (Cries of “Shame!”) I PB’ed the ST on the bridge for a one-third good SWS. Eventlab (1). Sherwood Forest Raceway . This...
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