Animal training

I’m an educator. (Cue mocking laughter.)

I spent last weekend in Malaysia on a training course. This meant having excessive amounts of information pumped into my head, little of which my mind managed to retain. What I do remember clearly is InterBac assessment = lots of work. Lots. (Because I was aware of that, I didn’t make my surprised face.) I also remember that the workshop leader only has ten students. I have about 60 of my own.

It’s also not hard for students to be adequate in the InterBac programme. Like the IGCSE ESL mark scheme, the InterBac mark scheme is so relaxed that it’s horizontal. Guaranteed to flatter should be the slogan.

In fact, when I was making suggestions about things we could do to stretch the best students, it struck me that EFL is for the hard of thinking (in the “hard of hearing sense”). Yes, I know it’s all about testing language rather than intellect.

Once upon a time, the rubrics for different IELTS bands used to refer to the effect a piece of writing had on the reader, but I suppose the danger there was that it was subjective. After you’ve marked a few pieces of writing, you cannot help but want to slap down these semi-literate blots for their appalling writing. It’s not because they’re non-native speakers, but because they’re tiresome dullards on a mission to bore.

I tried to teach my little darlings what it is to be an InterBac learner this afternoon. “Make a poster,” I said. “Be creative, original, and imaginative. Try to do something which is eye-catching. Don’t just copy the descriptors.” They heard Make a poster. Be uncreative, unoriginal, and unimaginative. Try to do something which is illegible at distances beyond 1.5m. Do copy the descriptors.

We have an open day coming up when the parents will be in class. This is an excellent opportunity to embarrass students and make fools of them; or to find that they know the answers when their parents are around.