FH5, Series 31, Week 4

Min is about to meet Max. Probably.

The treasure hunt seemed to be a matter of smashing things up in the golf course in a Golf. The game then randomly informs you that you’ve achieved this feat.

The weekly was in the Sagaris, which is a car I like, although I confess that I drive it less often in FH5 than I do in FH4. I managed to do the speed trap task in two goes in a stock car. We also had to do a Street Scene race. Oh joy.

Eventlab (1), Kerb your Braking! had to be on Eventlab Island (“The flattest place on Earth!”) in the dark. Actually, it’s not a bad circuit, but I didn’t need the silly kerbs.

Eventlab (2), Horizon Festival Loop was a tedious ramble with some decent design elements. Also in the dark.

This week we had to use Minis for the PR stunts. I started with the big, fat barge… What? Yes, I know. Yes, well, you can blame BMW for turning Minis into fat little barges. I started with that really bargey… bargy… barge-y… that big, fat red off-roader. It worked with La Mesa, but not with La Cruz, where cars drop faster than a randy nun’s knickers. I tried the 1965 Mini Cooper, thinking that the weight might help. No. 2012 Mini JCW. Gearbox, diff, and lots of engine. Job done. SWS (1) – utter rubbish. SWS (2) – mediocre rubbish.

I did V Double You to get the DoKa so that I could take a picture of it. Used the 2011 Scirocco (which, ironically, is also a reward this week), but a Golf of some sort was probably a better choice for this seasonal.

And what did the photo of this lump of German tin from the 60s get me? An emote. I had to fling myself into a pool of ice-cold water to calm myself down.

I thought I’d try the Porsche 935 in Up and Over, but as I had to contend with a cheating drivatar in an FXX-K, I switched to my F40 Competizione. Level of driving: bloody awful. I don’t particularly like extreme track toys. They’re all right for PR stunts, but as I’ve said before, the game lacks motorsport venues where these things belong.

Did the Eliminator. Even managed to beat a couple of other players. Lost to someone whose car was pointing the right direction, but by that stage, it didn’t matter.

I tried to complete one of the Horizon Tour accolades, but ended up racing in the Hoonigan Porsche. I had an odd win round Mulegé in that I was 2nd, I finished 2nd, but the game said 1st by a whisker. Normally I like the Hoonigan Porsche, but I was driving it badly and finding the handling less than amenable.

Time for the Trial. Dirt racing in super saloons because that’s a thing in motorsport. 5th round Teotihuacán and a team loss which ought to have been a win, but the lead player appears to have bounced sideways into a wall. I sort of got stuck behind the player ahead of me, whose pace was comparable to mine, but not his consistency. I might’ve been able to catch the drivatar ahead of me if I’d been able to get past the other player, but there were no good opportunities to do so. Two players then quit or got disconnected, and humanity managed to win San Juan and Desierto with me in 2nd place on both occasions.

The HW PR stunt had me scratching my head, wondering which Aston Martin might be best. I tried the Vantage GT12, and then the 2019 Vantage, which just made it, landing on another section of track before bouncing off to the ground below. I did wonder whether we were supposed to use the DBX.

I picked the BMW X5 M for The Grass is Beemer and was mostly right. I just wish the game would be less opaque about what a hazard this or a hazard that is so that I might tune the car accordingly. One race was essentially off-road. Another race had those speed bumps and icy sections. The drivatars seemed to be in cars that suited the latter a good deal more than the former.

It took me a couple of goes to get the speed trap in Sierra Nueva in the Audi Sport Quattro. Approach the speed trap from above rather than from below.

I opted for the SLS AMG for Free Range. More driving of less than praiseworthy quality, but I was pushing the car a bit too hard. The races had to include Devil’s Pass, which always makes me want to scream a word beginning with “f”. Fun? I think that might be it.

And with that, we’re almost done with Series 31. A bit forgettable. Bit more copy-and-paste from FH4. A top-split car that I found a little disappointing, although the drivatars are to blame for that. An estate car that turned out to be quite good, and some beige retro saloon this week which might also turn out to be quite good. Too many of the cars fell into the category of things that I already have enough of (i.e., one), although I recognise that new players might appreciate them.

It appears that I ought to get the Min meets Max achievement, having got 100% completion so far over the past three weeks and being likely to do the same this week. Unless, of course, the achievement is still bugged.