Occasional Tales

The slightly annoying philosophy problem. To prevent a bunch of freeloaders overwhelming the Society for Useless Information (SUI), the Society demands a single item of useless information from prospective members. But twelve years later, there’s not a single new member and it appears this noble and august society is going to have to close. What’s gone wrong? I can imagine this being the sort of problem presented to you by some smug git who knows the answer, taunts you for not being able to work it out, and provides with a series of useless clues until you punch the annoying twat in the face. I would argue that there’s no such thing as completely useless information. It might be of limited use to the point of being almost utterly uninformative, but that doesn't mean that it wouldn’t be useful to the right person in the right circumstances. In fact, this is more or less what the book suggests, but with particular reference to the SUI. No matter how banal and pointless the informatio...

And ended up being a two-wheeled cart. The Greeks built a trireme nicknamed Thunderprow which they thought the gods themselves had blessed so that it couldn't be sunk or fail to sink enemy ships. But eventually after many successful battles, it needed to be repaired with about half of the timbers needing to be replaced. The old timbers were kept as a mark of respect. Another third of the original timbers needed to be replaced, and then the captain had Thunderprow sailed back to port for a general overhaul. While it was out on patrol, the people of the town rebuilt the ship from the old parts as a monument. The current version of Thunderprow was less successful than the original in naval engagements. To Sorites, the captain of the ship, the monument undermines them by making it seem that the ship reconstructed from old parts is Thunderprow. The people thought that the ship was still Thunderprow even after two rounds of repairs in the shipyard. Nonetheless, Sorites made them destroy ...

It’s never going to happen. Today’s problem could be a description of my own classes – slow and lazy. The teacher tells the class that they’re going to have a test, focusing on Aristotle in particular, some time between now and the end of the term. And it’s going to be a surprise. Later Bob and Pat are talking about the announcement. Bob, being a shining example of slowness and laziness, is worried, but Pat’s not so sure that there’s even going to be a test. She reasons that the closer to the end of term it gets, the less of a surprise the test will be. But this chain of logic can be used to work backwards, thus making it seem that there’s never going to be a test at all. About a week later, though, the teacher announces the test much to Bob’s dismay. Was Pat’s reasoning flawed or what? Pat’s reasoning doesn’t seem wrong. The longer the teacher leaves the test, the less surprising it’s going to be. It wouldn’t be a surprise if it was left until the last day of term, and since that date...

Stitching them up a treat. Two girls have been caught climbing in the window of the school tuck shop. The headmistress, Dr Gibb, suspects that they’re the notorious tuck shop thieves. If they confess, they’ll be suspended for the rest of the term; but if one admits guilt and the other doesn’t, the latter will be expelled. They could both keep stumm, but they would have to have agreed on this strategy beforehand because they’re kept separate from each other. Of course, this only works when the thief has an accomplice. A lone adolescent felon would deny everything whether there was evidence against them or not. Tomorrow, infinitessimal calculus; or, the test is never going to happen.

Ravens. Today’s official problem is about proving the statement that all ravens are black. Well, you can’t. Nor can you specifically define them solely by the colour of their feathers or blackbirds and mynah birds would be ravens as well. And black swans. You can’t prove things like this. I suppose you could say that there’s a high probability, but it’s dangerous to claim it as an absolute truth. Tomorrow, you’re nicked! The case of the tuck shop thieves. (Which I think we’ve done before.)

The No Rules Paradox? Last year, one of the cretins in one of Quincy’s classes produced this feeble response to one of the exercises in the book. It re-emerged from under a pile of papers on my desk a few weeks ago, but it only struck me yesterday that this is another paradoxical statement. If the best rule is “No rules”, then, I’d assume, the rule should apply to itself. If you don’t state such a rule (because it’s better not to state it), then how would anyone know it is a rule? But more than that, it suggests that it’s impossible to have no rules because even saying that there are no rules is to state a rule. Nor does it matter that it’s been stated by some idiot school boy. Of course, I suppose you could ask what sort of statement “The best rule is no rules” is. It defines the best rule, but isn’t really a rule itself. But if the list of rules starts 1. There are no rules, then the statement is contradictory unless this is meant to be, say, a principle which, unlike a rule, isn’t ...

A hair-brained law. In the Hindu Kush, the rulers decree that the town’s hairdresser has to cut everyone’s hair and that anyone whose hair hasn’t been cut after six months will have their heads cut off. (I’ve heard of a little off the top, but this is ridiculous.) Amateurs cannot cut anyone’s hair and the hairdresser may not cut their hair of anyone who does it themselves. If he does, there are a couple of guards who will chop his hands off. It sounds like a good deal for the hairdresser who gets paid one piece of silver for each cut. It sounds like a good deal until he realises that there’s a slight flaw in all this and goes into hiding for twenty years. What’s the problem? The hairdresser falls into two categories. He’s the only person who can cut other’s hair and is banned from cutting the hair of people who do it themselves – which includes him. The only way out of this paradox is a third party solution. He’d have to go to the rulers and explain the situation so that they could the...