FH5, Series 39, Week 3

I started with the weekly in the 1997 Honda Civic Type R, being spared the treasure hunt. I did Mulegé as the road race and had a painful couple of first laps. The hard charger skill remains a mystery. I overlarded the car with power and somehow achieved this randomly achieved skill.

For the first two PR stunts I went with the 1993 Nissan Skyline. For the jump, keeping to the road seemed best with early turn-in on that slight sharp right-hander ahead of the jump. The SWS was two-thirds excellent. I one-shotted the speed trap, following the road and being careful on the approach. Rubbish SWS. The game decided – as I tried to do the speed zone in vain – that it ought to go CTD on me. I restarted and switched to the ever reliable Nissan Pulsar for another rubbish SWS.

I took a photo. I got a stupid horn.

I ran down some VCR tapes and got another horn. I am a mediocre player. Hear me squeak!

Eventlab (1). JCO Project Race 3 Airport. Another bloody night race, but excellent use of props and not actually a terrible circuit. At the end of it I got a wheel spin that was beyond excellent, which compensated for the SWS which was b-b-h-i-r-s-u. I’m sure you can rearrange the letters to form a word I use far too often.

Eventlab (2). Cathedral GP. The name alone had me dreading another awful Cathedral-based map, but it turned out to be a pretty decent circuit round Guanajuato, which I did in the 2013 Renault Clio EDC. And what did I get? Another stupid horn.

Eventlab (3). Cauldron Rally Circuit. I went with a stock Fiesta M Sport round a circuit which, I think, the game could really do with. So, three decent Eventlab events this week. Now watch me go to the forums and find everyone claiming they’re the worst user-made races ever.

The Trial. Oh dear, not my finest 15 minutes. The F355 Berlinetta seemed to be a popular choice (although the Diablo SV might’ve been better). I was at the front of the human grid for Rocosa, but rapidly slipped back before ploughing my back through the field to take 4th. Team win. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Valle del Río. Front again. Things didn’t go well. I fell back before progressing through the field. I was using my superior cornering skills to make my way through the other drivers when I had to take evasive action and as a consequence, bounced off another player before going nose-first into SuperGT’s friend, Barry R. It was bad timing more than anything else. I did what I could, but there wasn’t enough race left, and two other players had had crashes or missed checkpoints. Another player who tended to be a bit slow almost certainly tried to torpedo me on the hairpins, but missed. It was all down to Gran Pantano. This time I was mid pack and again, my start was cumbersome. Again, I had to make my way through the field, taking a very late 5th by passing two drivatars on the final stretch through Playa Azul. 

The 355 is fast, but the launch was stable, but dreadfully slow. Not sure why as I dithered over adding aero and decided not to bother. May just be an issue with RWD on a keyboard. I need to have a fiddle. With the car. Get you pervy wee minds out of the gutter.

I had old person problems with the HW PR stunt because I kept choosing non-1990s cars. Seems that the only game in town was the Lotus Elise GT1, which actually achieved the target on a long run-up through the loop. One-third good SWS.

For the RA PR stunt I went with the 1999 Lotus Elise, which I can’t drift for toffee. Rubbish SWS.

I thought about doing the seasonals informally, but as one was Street Scene (again, in the popular consciousness the 90s seems to have been an age of darkness) and the other was cross country (probably at night for extra irritation), including Copper Canyon. As for the cars, I already have two XJ220s and three Hoonigan Group A cars.

And in spite of ignoring various other events (five passes in Horizon Open? I can imagine that taking your average player a despairingly long time to achieve; and taking me even longer with a good deal more despair), I still got the Aston Martin Lagonda and the Backstage Pass.