Occasional Tales

 I started with the photo since the daily was to go to the stadium anyway. I drove onto the H, took my picture, and got some cap which only an American could wear. Like a plaid shirt. Me in plaid shirt – a complete ass. (Ditto one of those ridiculous caps.) American in plaid shirt – immediately identifiable as an American. The weekly was in the 1993 Mazda MX-5 Miata. Hang on, is it last week again? 1990s? I did Marigold as the road race. I ended up sliding a lot because the surface was wet and the tyres were thinner than a 90s supermodel. It needed aero (I had such a suspicion), which would probably have helped a little. Yesterday I practised the PR stunts in the 2015 Audi TTS. I one-shotted the speed zone for a rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the trailblazer for a one-third good and one-third very good. And in the same vein, I one-shotted the drift zone more competently than when I practised it yesterday. Two-thirds good SWS. I liked the new 9121 GT3 RS in Rivals. Very drivable. The 911 R

The treasure hunt was easy money. I haven’t done that danger sign in ages, but by and large I only do the PR stunts that are included in the Festival playlist. I followed this with the weekly challenge in the Toyota Supra RZ. Yet another bloody night race. Portentous voiceover to black screen: In an age of darkness… Screen caption: The 1990s… I one-shotted the speed trap in my 1996 Chevrolet Impala, but had been practising ahead of the new season. A one-third good SWS. I one-shotted the speed zone as well for a rubbish SWS, and I one-shotted the trailblazer for a second one-third good SWS. I did Horizon Tour next and ended up in retro rally cars. I initially chose the GT70, but found it was tuned for road racing, and switched to the 1970s Escort rally car. 3rd place from the back row round Mangrove and watched the usually iffy cornering from my teammates. I was on the front row of the human grid for River Scramble and won the race probably because of the questionable cornering behind

I started with the weekly in the 1997 Honda Civic Type R, being spared the treasure hunt. I did Mulegé as the road race and had a painful couple of first laps. The hard charger skill remains a mystery. I overlarded the car with power and somehow achieved this randomly achieved skill. For the first two PR stunts I went with the 1993 Nissan Skyline. For the jump, keeping to the road seemed best with early turn-in on that slight sharp right-hander ahead of the jump. The SWS was two-thirds excellent. I one-shotted the speed trap, following the road and being careful on the approach. Rubbish SWS. The game decided – as I tried to do the speed zone in vain – that it ought to go CTD on me. I restarted and switched to the ever reliable Nissan Pulsar for another rubbish SWS. I took a photo. I got a stupid horn. I ran down some VCR tapes and got another horn. I am a mediocre player. Hear me squeak! Eventlab (1). JCO Project Race 3 Airport . Another bloody night race, but excellent use of props a

With a semi-slick excursion. A comment in a recent video by Alex “FailRace” Day had me thinking that I ought to see whether off-road race tyres are all they’re cracked up to be in dirt races. I started by doing five trail races on dirt tyres followed by the same five on off-road race tyres to see whether the latter had a significant effect on the times. I used my Fiat Abarth 131. PI S1 820 (dirt tyres) or S1 808 (off-road). 422hp, 915kg, PWR 0.461. Front 56%. Times in […] are my lead over the drivatars at the end of the race – where I remembered to note them. Baja California Dirt: 02:21.817 [+2] Off-road: 02:17.020 [+4] Barranca Dirt: 02:24.321 [+8] Off-road: 02:25.668 [+7; scrappy race somewhat skews this result] Tulum Dirt: 02:55.251 [+6] Off-road: 02:54.474 [+4; not such a great improvement] Cordillera Dirt: 02:54.062 [+4] Off-road: 02:50.844 [+5] Tapalpa Dirt: 02:15.293 [+8] Off-road: 02:15.983 [+8] The results are variable with off-road races tyres sometimes having a clear advanta

No seasonals this week as I see no point in doing a bunch of races for cars that I have, have more than one of, and probably don’t want yet again. Also, with particular reference to this week, Street Scene is being overdone. I had to build the car from scratch for the treasure hunt only to pick a sketchy, fog-enshrouded Jungle Descent as the Street Scene race in a monstrously fast car with somewhat iffy handling. Another CR90,000. O thou veriest wit, game. Rather annoyingly I repainted one of my three Diablos before doing the weekly. I slightly altered the colour. Yet another Street Scene race. I chose Highland Climb which the Diablo aced even though the handling was rather dubious. I discovered that I have two Lotus Carltons and have driven neither. Took a picture. I’m sure the reward was something naff. Eventlab (1). Horizon Wave Circuit . Nighttime again. Props brilliant, but the circuit was bloody awful, not actually running back into itself, but looking like it was on the minima

Treasure hunt. Drive ugly, fake Mustang from the 1990s. Win CR90,000. Oh, ha ha. Rivals. Subaru SVX round Emerald Circuit . Horrible gears stock. Then Chihuahua in the Soarer. Horrible gears and terrible handling. Both cars about as exciting as cold spam fritters on a grey Sunday morning. Weekly in the Ferrari F50. This is a car I like, but I think I need to rebuild it. No probs with the various tasks. I took a snap of the 22B-STi. I got some ghastly clothing that makes me look like one of those poor unfortunates outside shops handing out flyers or scaring small children in a vain attempt to seem cuddly. I did the Eliminator. Even got to 11th before someone provided me with the keys to my freedom. I think I might add this to my list of things to shun. Actually, I almost got timed out when I wandered into Guanajuato looking for a car drop, and the barrier went whizzing past me. I started the PR stunts in the Elise GT1, but switched to the overpowered Cerbera. I eventually managed to PB

The treasure hunt was a picture of a car with the big pyramid in Teotihuacán in the background. This week the treasure was at the end of the off ramp from the upper part of the maze into which I hop I’ve indifferently ventured for the final time. I haven’t driven the Jaguar E-Type in ages, but the tasks were straightforward. I one-shotted the speed trap in the sketchy Monza SP2. Two-thirds good SWS. The speed zone was as ever an enormous, time-wasting, sodding pain in the arse. I tried various cars, but as usual the real issue was that last short turn which I was forever 1kmh off until randomly, the Forza gods permitted my F50 (S1 878) to attain the necessary speed. One-third very good SWS, but that’s hardly compensation for the amount of time it took. Eventlab (1). Green Plains Motor Raceway was a good-sized, old-style circuit with a nice, sweeping layout. None of the frequent 2nd gear/3rd gear stuff we’ve seen in other Eventlab races. One-third very good SWS, and one-third good. Eve

In spite of the intolerable regime that’s been imposed on us, I managed to get the Festival playlist done today. This started with me wasting CR30,000 to unnecessarily upgrade the Lancer Evo VI to uncover the location of the treasure which was once again in the stadium (#ForcedEngagement). Not difficult to find by going to the first level and then jumping down to the chest. Weekly challenge. The BMW Isetta was not the same sort of pain that the Peel Trident was, but once again the class requirements weren’t exactly obvious for the jump. I went up the volcano and got it in two. From practice, I knew the Ranger T6 could do the speed zone. Some idiot player ruined my run-up by crashing into a traffic car, sending it across my path. The SWS was rubbish. I cheesed the drift zone in the new Ford Focus. Another rubbish SWS. The statue for the photo is off to one side of the airfield. I don’t know what I got for my pains. Probably something really stupid and pointless. And while we’re talking

Yesterday was terrible. Migraine because I was forced to do something I didn’t want to do. The derailleur of my bike got twisted into the rear wheel, which rendered the whole thing inoperable. It rained heavily as I was walking home from the station. Then this morning some colossal arse decided that the best time for setting off fireworks was between half five and six. It’s small wonder that I’ve not been in the best frame of mind today. I started with the treasure hunt in the Datsun 510. I did some jumps and got sent back to the stadium to get my reward. Again, #ForcedEngagement. I don’t care about the maze and don’t see the point of it. The weekly was in the 1971 Plymouth Barracuda. I have three somehow and thought I’d do a 0.35 build with one of the new ones. Net result: a car that wasn’t a lot different from my A-class Barracuda. I made the mistake of doing Jungle Descent as the Street Scene race, because it starts in fog. Eventlab (1). Circuit des Reines . I like the layout, but

I have a shitty Friday timetable, having English P1 with the A2s and English P10 with the A2s. I have a longish lunchtime during which I can do some of the Festival playlist, but which in future I’m more likely to use for a much-needed nap unless someone fixes the timetable. In other words, I may not post anything till Saturday or Sunday, depending on how energetic I feel. (I see I said this last week. Well, I tend to forget such things at my age. #GeriatricGit.) We start as ever with the treasure hunt. I used the Audi E-Tron as my choice of annoying EV. The treasure had to be in the stadium maze, but there’s an easy cheat in that you can drive up a ramp near the entrance close to the chest and see from above where it’s stashed. Fast travel to safety afterwards. The weekly was horrid. Peel Trident? Ugh with bells on. I hope the weekly with the Isetta will be less painful. Eventlab. Only one this week, Meereen Creek Oasis , and the tile was working. Turned out to be a 2nd~3rd gear track

With the return of the academic year I’m probably not going to be posting entries till sometime on Saturdays. I have a fair amount of time on Friday between lunchtime and my return to school to get much of the Festival playlist done, but I also have P1 and P10 classes and on some occasions, am likely to prefer a nap. The treasure hunt, as I discovered, wanted you to add a new part to your Ford Focus. I tried adding a part I’d already bought, but the game was having none of it. But in reality, I assume that this was another attempt to force players to use the Test Track which, I feel, has nothing practical to offer. I ended up doing a wreckage HA because there was one near the location of the treasure chest. The weekly was in the Alfa Romeo Giulia. Job done, but drag racing and drifting? The Audi S1 had no problems with the speed zones. I switched to the 2012 Mini JCW for the Trailblazer because in testing it had no problems hitting the target time and then some. What happened? I kept

Lazy. My thought – to anticipate my post about the final week of Series 37 – is that Series 38 looks a little lazy. The Forzathon Shop seems to be alternating between HW and 10th-anniversary merch. Yes, I’m sure newer players will be delighted to be able to acquire such items if they missed out on them. Four new cars in the playlist. The 1995 Mitsubishi Evo III seems to be a refugee from that popular Forza Motorsport which everyone is playing [ They are? –ed.]. I’m hoping it’ll be decent on dirt, but I already have my go-to Evos for seasonals in the game. I’m also not sure about the 2022 Subaru WRX now that I’ve heard AR12 Nick give it a shrug. Again, I have my preferred, ready-to-go Imprezas/WRX/STi Subarus. Is this like an SUV in that it looks like it ought to be out in the countryside, but never ever strays off tarmac? In other words, it’s a saloon car that aspires to be a rally car. As for the Toyota Chaser, I admit I’ve never heard of it. I assume that it’s a rival to the Nissan

The treasure hunt seems to have been rather contrary from what I’ve been hearing. I headed to the jumping-off point for Eventlab Island before going down to the beach and driving north to Playa Azul. At some random point, the task was done. For the weekly challenge we had to drive the BMW X5M. What did we have to race it in? A Street Scene race. Well done, PGG, another car that encourages impressionable young players to drive the wrong sort of vehicle in the wrong sort of event. Or does it? I suppose that since SUVs are mostly urban vehicles driven by gangsters, gangsters’ wives(/yummy mummies), gangsters’ molls, and gangsters’ henchmen (or for “gangsters” read “shifty builders” and “shady plumbers”; “people from Cheshire[/Alderley Edge/Chelsea]”), this is an ideal vehicle to drive in a Street Scene race. I managed to one-shot all the PR stunts in the Taycan CT. I half expected the danger sign to go wrong, but managed to land the car without it flipping or slamming into a tree. One-thi

The weekly posed no real problems. I managed to one-shot the PR stunts in the 2018 Ford Mustang GT. Northern Passage , which I’d been practising was a skin-of-the-teeth job. Didn’t we do Ring Road as the speed zone last week? Or very recently? I had one SWS that was one-third good and the rest were rubbish. The picture of the new Ford Focus got me a pair of boots. Mmmm, high fashion. I ended up in my Hummer EV for Horizon Tour. One 1st place and two 2nds. I managed a last minute 2nd place round Herencia from being able to take corners properly. Only one Eventlab this week, Hill Valley Run , which is why it seemed that it took no time to get through the Festival playlist. Good use of props on a course that I thought was a rally stage only for it to turn out to be a long, narrow circuit that resembled a rally stage. At least it wasn’t some piece of insane spaghetti. The rewards was another bloody 2010 VW Golf. I smashed the collectibles. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, I counted. 1, 2, 3, 4, the gam

Oh, and some collab with some shoe manufacturer. PGG gave it away in a video. I watched Ericship111’s video about the video (how meta-video can you get?) which hinted strongly at a hide-and-seek game mode, and then watched JakeXVX’s video last night after the full details were revealed. I guessed that the new game mode would be multiplayer of some sort. On paper, hide-and-seek is not a bad idea, but it’s not for me. If I avoid Playground Games events, I’m not going to be doing this. Dude, where’s my racing game? Like the Eliminator, I wonder whether this will become an event that appears on the Festival playlist once or twice a series (#ForcedEngagement). Like the Eliminator, I can see the OCD boys finding ways of exploiting this whether they’re the hunters or the hunted. I can also see the entire thing being massively frustrating if the hunted gets pinned and can’t use the ghosting power-up. As a keyboard player, I’d be all right as a hunter, but if the hunted is meant to blend in as

Treasure hunt. Has to be done in the Polestar. Trailblazer off the motorway. Job done. I used the weekly challenge in the 2010 Audi TT RS to do the Switchbacks PR stunt (terrible SWS). My first attempt to do the danger sign got ruined by a front flip. Terrible SWS. I one-shotted the speed trap and got another terrible SWS. Rivals. (1) Bola Ocho , Fiesta ST. Rain and understeer, the winning combination. (2) Gran Pantano . Toyota Camry. This thing will be better with upgrades. (3) El Pípila . The Durango. Overpowered, fast and wobbly. (4) Dunas Blancas . Lucid Air. What?! Again?! Overpowered, fat barge. I think I did take the car out for a spin the last time it was in the game, and even on gentle corners it wanted to go sideways. Eventlab (1). Yes, the tiles were actually working this week. Black Sands Truck Ranch . Terrible “track”. The first hairpin need a mid-corner checkpoint or something. Prop placement ahead of the final corner was terrible. The reward was another MB A45. Third? Pr

I happened to be on YouTube mere minutes after JakeXVX uploaded a video on the Series 37 reveal. I assume that Ford are on a marketing spree with the 2022 Ford Focus and the 2023 Ford Fiesta. I hope the Focus will be a good addition to the models that are already in the game. I’ve always felt that the with the Focus in the game, the Fiesta is a bit of an also-ran. (As an aside, I was racing in the Fiesta today; decent PWR in both A and B class, but not my first choice.) I must admit that apart from the name, the (2023) Toyota Camry doesn’t mean a lot to me. It might turn out to be a decent super saloon. As for the last of the new cars, the 2021 Dodge Durango, I can’t see how that fits in with the theme; or why we’d need a second Durango. Prediction: they’ll have the same perks, same stats, and same performance. The series rewards are fine, although the older BMW M2 is the better car, and I don’t think I’ve ever driven the Lucid Air. I can see no compelling reason to do so. I had hopes

Treasure hunt. Deberti Mustang + speed zone = job done. The wheel spin afterwards threw an International Scout at me, which was ironic because it’s also a reward for a seasonal for those players who are too indigent to buy it from the AH or the Autoshow. The weekly in the 190E posed no problems. I need to rebuild the car, though. Took a photo. Got some clothing. I’m surprised MS hasn’t forced PGG to market real-life Forza-branded clothing. “Milk the franchise, Luke.” I one-shotted all the PR stunts, but had practised them beforehand, finding that the International Scout needed an engine swap to be able to hit the targets. SWSs, one-third good, one-third excellent, one-third very excellent. My testing for Going International was a prize pain. The category for it was D500 cult classics. I started with the Fiat-Abarth Esseesse, which – if I remember rightly – had been a sound performer in a previous seasonal. No, underpowered. The Gremlin was a possibility (just) and the Datsun 510 (just

 I happened to remark to Fitztalbot (I was at the club) that there was no treasure hunt in FH5 this week. “None?!” he spluttered. “Disgraceful!” I know he enjoys the treasure hunt, but I can’t understand his enthusiasm for it. And so I started this week’s Festival playlist with the weekly challenge in the 2010 Nissan 370Z. I more than passed the drift target in two runs along one of the more benign drift zones. I resorted to another Street Scene event to deal with Rivals. I had 4½ hours to complete Cañón Run . Seriously, the worst time was 4½ hours, and it was flagged. Does the game not time players out? I one-shotted the speed trap for a two-thirds good SWS. The speed zone took a couple of goes and requires finesse in a car which it wasn’t possible to build properly. (I get a bit annoyed with stock+ cars for PR stunts and seasonals.) Rubbish SWS. The drift zone also took a couple of attempts. I almost got it the first time, knew the target was 75,000pts, thought I had it, and missed b