Occasional Tales

The treasure hunt seems to be a matter of doing the stadium circuit inside the track, not starting from outside. The treasure is up near the tunnel to the bridge. I needed it because 130,000+ FPs is utter penury these days. We got the Bentley Turbo R and the Bentayga as gifts. Some players might think we’re being rewarded for our loyalty to the brand. Others might think we’ve got landed with two more chubby paperweights. The weekly in the KTM X-Bow wasn’t worth commenting about. Make up your own comments. “I liked the bit when the car stopped, and the driver got out, and it was a sexy lady in a bikini made of seat material from the Bentley Turbo R.” Eventlab (1). The Mayan Discovery . O hairy-testicled gods, why have ye inflicted this ghastly thing on us again? Eventlab (2). Royal Palms International . Decent layout (barring a couple of overly tight corners) and length, good use of props, sodding awful road surface (which can’t be blamed on the creator). The SWS was one-third excellent...

No treasure hunt again and these days 130,000 FPs or so just doesn’t feel sufficient. What are you trying to do to me, game? Turn me into some pauper? I’ve a good mind to take you out the back of the chemical sheds and thrash you with a soft pair of lady’s undies. However, lady’s knickers aside, I started with the weekly in the 1994 Mazda MX-5 Miata which cause no real problems because I almost certainly used the very car that I used on the previous occasion. Rivals in the 2023 911 GT3 RS was a doddle. I dislike the Porsche Dakar (remember, kids, it’s pronounced “Rallye”), but survived in spite of its slidey ways. Another week with a single Eventlab race. Forza: Warthog Rally is a Halo-themed map, although it’s the only Eventlab race in which I’ve ever seen these props used. It sort of resembles Copper Canyon Cross Country . PR stunts. I one-shotted the TB somehow even though I haven’t done it in ages and took a slightly off line. Rubbish SWS. I also one-shotted the SZ on dirt without...

I started with the weekly in the 2003 VW Golf. I was all right for the events apart from the jump, and as I didn’t want to rebuild my B-class Golf, I bought a new one for that and the speed skills. I got a horn for taking a photo of the 2003 BMW M5 on the bridge. Now I can be as irritating as all the annoying 12-year-olds who insist on blasting me with their stupid horns in races or outside of them. [ You don’t need a horn to be irritating . –ed.] I one-shotted the DZ in my BMW X6 and got a one-third very good SWS. I thought the TB in the crappy old Beetle might be a pain, but I also managed to one-shot it. The strategy is to head towards the road to the right and then go across the sand which is sparsely covered with plants. Rubbish SWS. The ST took a couple of goes because I needed to lower the aero settings on the car. One-third good SWS. Eventlab. VW Rally . Well, half true because about half the circuit is tarmac. Quite a good use of the German flag throughout the course as a deco...