The Nobodie Rules. Part III
Act III: The Nobodie Rules!
Scene i.
[The phone rings. Dr Blur answers it.]
Dr Blur: Dr Blur’s office.
Dr Curie: ’Allo, Dr Blur, c’est moi. ’Ave you seen ze article about ze optic nerve transplants in ze BMA Journal?
Dr Blur: I’ve got it, but I haven’t looked at it yet. Hold on.
[He picks up an envelope on the desk, opens it and tips the journal out. He begins flicking through the pages.]
Dr Blur: Oh dear. The whole optic nerve. I’ll have to tell the Nobodies.
Dr Curie: I sink Uncle Angel might’ve been right as well.
Dr Blur: Him? He’s a f_cking idiot. Well, thanks for letting me know. Bye.
[He hangs up before picking the receiver up again and dialling a number.]
Dr Blur: Hello, Mr Nobodie… It’s Dr Blur from the Clinic for Obscure Diseases. I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. There’s an article in the BMA Journal this month about Felix’s condition, which says that it requires the whole optic nerve from the donor for the treatment to be successful. In the light of this research, the procedure has to be abandoned.
Mr Nobodie [crossly]: It’s a bit late for that, doctor. The baby’s already on the way. Mrs Nobodie already has cravings for cheese and whiskey meringues. Anyway, let me remind you of the memo you wrote to the Ethics Committee.
Dr Blur [muttering]: I knew that’d bite me in the arse.
Mr Nobodie: Here’s my version: we get a third child and Felix is cured, which means he gains from it; the new child gains since it’ll exist even if it is blind. And clearly, a baby which doesn’t exist is worse off than one which does. Goodbye!
[Dr Blur hangs up the phone with a sigh. He sits for a moment before picking the receiver up and dialling a number.]
Dr Blur: Uncle Angel, it’s me…
Dr Blur ends up being hoisted by his own petard. I’ve been wondering when the mount of optic nerve required would be specified. But it still seems odd to me that anyone would argue that the third child will somehow be better off by simply being alive because, if I’m not misusing the term, it’s making some a priori assumptions. You can then start asking, “What if…?” Thus the child might turn out to be beneficial to humanity; detrimental; or just another human; or have a happy life; or unhappy one; or the one that most of us have.
The Nobodies don’t seem to have considered that they’re responsible for George and the new child, one of whom is defective my chance and the other who will become defective by design. Why have they put so much time and energy into Felix only to inflict on the third the same condition which was eventually going to afflict him?
[The phone rings. Dr Blur answers it.]
Dr Blur: Dr Blur’s office.
Dr Curie: ’Allo, Dr Blur, c’est moi. ’Ave you seen ze article about ze optic nerve transplants in ze BMA Journal?
Dr Blur: I’ve got it, but I haven’t looked at it yet. Hold on.
[He picks up an envelope on the desk, opens it and tips the journal out. He begins flicking through the pages.]
Dr Blur: Oh dear. The whole optic nerve. I’ll have to tell the Nobodies.
Dr Curie: I sink Uncle Angel might’ve been right as well.
Dr Blur: Him? He’s a f_cking idiot. Well, thanks for letting me know. Bye.
[He hangs up before picking the receiver up again and dialling a number.]
Dr Blur: Hello, Mr Nobodie… It’s Dr Blur from the Clinic for Obscure Diseases. I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. There’s an article in the BMA Journal this month about Felix’s condition, which says that it requires the whole optic nerve from the donor for the treatment to be successful. In the light of this research, the procedure has to be abandoned.
Mr Nobodie [crossly]: It’s a bit late for that, doctor. The baby’s already on the way. Mrs Nobodie already has cravings for cheese and whiskey meringues. Anyway, let me remind you of the memo you wrote to the Ethics Committee.
Dr Blur [muttering]: I knew that’d bite me in the arse.
Mr Nobodie: Here’s my version: we get a third child and Felix is cured, which means he gains from it; the new child gains since it’ll exist even if it is blind. And clearly, a baby which doesn’t exist is worse off than one which does. Goodbye!
[Dr Blur hangs up the phone with a sigh. He sits for a moment before picking the receiver up and dialling a number.]
Dr Blur: Uncle Angel, it’s me…
Dr Blur ends up being hoisted by his own petard. I’ve been wondering when the mount of optic nerve required would be specified. But it still seems odd to me that anyone would argue that the third child will somehow be better off by simply being alive because, if I’m not misusing the term, it’s making some a priori assumptions. You can then start asking, “What if…?” Thus the child might turn out to be beneficial to humanity; detrimental; or just another human; or have a happy life; or unhappy one; or the one that most of us have.
The Nobodies don’t seem to have considered that they’re responsible for George and the new child, one of whom is defective my chance and the other who will become defective by design. Why have they put so much time and energy into Felix only to inflict on the third the same condition which was eventually going to afflict him?
So much for Dilemma 32. Tomorrow (or some other day in the future), another case of medical mischief in Dilemma 33 – Witheringspoon-X disease.
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