FH5, Series 23, Week 3

From the tile, I guessed that the car for the treasure hunt was going to be the Caterham R500 doing that precarious danger sign next to that Festival site… No, I don’t know the names. Too old to remember or to care to remember. Anyway, just ahead of the change to the new season, I’d been practising. Without engine swapping the car, I’d upgraded it as far as I could and had determined that it probably wasn’t going to three-star the jump (I was hoping this wouldn’t be required). I did one last run with about a minute to spare and fast travelled up to the Festival site with the timer running out. I was sitting outside the site when the new season went live and was informed that I’d completed the task for the treasure hunt. I don’t quite know how that transpired, but I shan’t complain.

The weekly was in the 1987 Pontiac Firebird, a car which I like so much that I’d never driven it and would never have driven it if this particular task hadn’t required me to. The late 80s rang, but was too embarrassed to ask for its ugly car back. Tedious weekly, but done.

The photo this week was of any Datsun. Any?! There’s all of one to choose from. Mind you, this task also took care of the first daily of the season.

Edel-Circuit, the first Eventlab event, felt like a repeat screening, but I may be mistaken. Three laps was at least one too many, but the layout was all right. The SWS was utter rubbish (a bit of a theme this season).

Apex Alligator was the other Eventlab event this week. One lap would’ve been enough, but it does highlight the lack of intermediate-length races in the game. The reward was clothing because everyone wants to explore their inner Barbie and do dressing-up. I did get a very good wheel spin, which humiliated a lot of the SWSs.

The SWS for the drift zone was rubbish. I PB’ed the Trailblazer in the Hoonigan RS200 in spite of slightly messing up the turn up the hill to the finish line. The SWS was unintentionally good because it had that awful FD Ferrari 599, which is worth a fortune. Show me the money instead. One-shotted the danger sign and got a fairly mediocre SWS.

Once again, I’ve been perpetually disconnected from the game in free roam for the past week. But when I did Horizon Open, there were no problems connecting to a session. I had some good, clean racing, too. Not well placed, but there was a three-way battle for 4th in the final race, and it was nice for me to be doing more than merely driving from A to B. Very good wheel spin (SWSs, pay attention!)

Since I only needed another ten points to get the McLaren 650S Spider, I opted to do the Trial. The Shelby Cobra has the best PWR, but the least scope for upgrading and a four-speed gearbox. I chose the Lamborghini Miura because it was ready to go and had the next best PWR that I found. I was third in the Riviera Sprint and the second-placed player, but couldn’t catch the drivatar. In Bola Ocho, I got put into the corner of a house by another player, but it was accidental, and the rest of the race was a recovery drive which took me to 5th. The culprit was trying to drive a Shelby Cobra, but doing it badly. Was the player on a keyboard?

But in both the Trial and Horizon Open, I got the feeling that the players were inexperienced. There was a clown in a Wuling Sunshine in the Open who was very fast, but had bugger-all control.

Modern Spin was Street Scene (scream!) in broad daylight (which makes the races so much less horrible). I got the feeling that we were probably supposed to use the new Toyota (which was the cheat car), but I used my ready-to-go Honda S2000 which won, but not by any great margin. Good reward, though, and the Acura NSX is a better car in FH5 because you can bung a better gearbox in it than you can in FH4.

Extreme-E or Jeep Trailcat for 3, 2, 1… I decided to use the latter, which was all right in Ribera Rocosa, which can often be a massive pain in the arse because it’s one of those races in which the drivatars can find speeds they didn’t know they had. The reward was some Australian muscle car(/super saloon; same diff in this case). Yes, I’m sure there are new players who were pleased to tick that one off their collections, and some who then rolled round all over the floor in delight. The wheel spin promised CR200,000, but gave me CR20,000. Stingy bastard.

I cheesed the HW PR stunt in the Jesko and got a very lucrative SWS.

My 2009 Ford Focus RS was ready to go in Hot off your Plate. The first race was a little close for comfort. The second race became a travesty with the Renault Mégane R26.R screaming off into an unassailable lead. I switched to the same car and did the same to the drivatars. This is ridiculous, and I take no pleasure from it. In the final race, another drivatar got into the lead – not so great, but again, insurmountable. The reward was the 1973 Alpine A110, a car which I really ought to race more. It was always good value in FH4.

The PR stunt in Sierra Nueva was not quite a colossal pain, but it took several attempts to complete it, smashing my PB in the process. I was back in the Brabham, which is a good car for a map where the roads are all turns and no straights. And what did I get for my pains? A shite SWS. Gee thanks, game!

There was only one car for Sandy Dunes, and that was the FE 911 GT3 RS. It was elbows out, but my biggest opponent was Random Forza Physics™ flinging the car this way and that. The reward was a stupid American hat that makes you look like a dork unless you’re an American. Dwayne Dib(b)ley probably thinks they make him look cool, but Cat would be chucking such items of apparel out of Red Dwarf’s airlocks as fast as he could.

I drove the new Toyota GR86 very briefly and have no definite thoughts about it apart from it being another GJSC (generic Japanese sports car; rather like its predecessor and the Subaru BRZ). I don’t like the GT86 or the BRZ (abysmal handling) and am not expecting this car to be any better. A wide bodykit is not a selling point unless you’re an utter poser.