FH5, Series 21, Week 1

That was the pain that was.

The treasure hunt – always start with the treasure hunt in case it fails because you left it too late – was three new pathfinders, starting with Tulum. I’m sure I went through the gate to trigger it, and then I followed the path of red balloons only to find nothing was happening. The second time, I drove down the road and bumped into the finish in about 30 se­c­onds flat. When I started the pathfinder from Guanajuato, I couldn’t see any of the balloons or any hint as to which way I should go. Thanks for frustrating and annoying me, game. I got that done after I doubled back to the start, which was when I spotted the red balloons.

The weekly in the Series III Land Rover went off without any issues.

First pain of the week – a showcase remix. I loathed these things in Horizon 4 and am glad that they’re generally not part of the Festival playlist. This just proved that point. I set the game to the easiest difficulty and still nearly lost the race when the fat American pickup truck hit a bump just before the falls and did a front flip (cf. the bump and jump into the Baja race­track in Las Dunas). I forget what the reward was. Probably rubbish.

Rivals was not problem, and the electric Hummer took Ek’ Balam with aplomb. I was expecting that to be another bloated American barge.

I did the danger sign in one go. Rubbish SWS. I assume that the trailblazer is from the evolving world series (well, repeated content world) because I’d only two-starred it. I did eventually manage to three-star it (and then some) in the Hoonigan RS200, but don’t ask me how. If there’s a cunning way to complete it, I don’t know what it is. At least this didn’t take me 30-45 minutes to do, but it earnt me another rubbish SWS.

How much text did the Eventlab tile have? None. Did it work? No. Did it work this afternoon when I returned to Mexico? Not until I left my house. It was a twisty route across the beach on the east coast of the map which was generally well sign­posted apart from one sharp turn where there placement of the checkpoints was a little confusing. The reward? An AMG Hammer, which is yet another car that gets all the fanboys over excited. Is because Jeremy Clarkson thought it was groovy? I think it’s better than the E190 or whatever the other nearly identical model is.

Seasonals. Sick Dunes. I went for the Hummer EV because the game seems to love these things. Also, it was ready to go. Actually, no problems, but the game loves these things. 2020 Defender as a reward. Probably my third or fourth, but now my second, which I’ll probably delete. I don’t want it. I have one pet brick. Another is an indulgence.

The other seasonal was Cupra Formentor, but throttled to A class. The San Juan Scramble was awful with the drivatars cheating their way to glory. The Formentor only excelled round Mulegé. I assume that this was another seasonal in which you maxed out the engine and shat on the handling. What was the reward? Clothing. Gods!

I PB’ed the HW speed zone and got – yes, dear reader – another shite SWS.

The B700 Mitsubishi Lancer Evo VIII was on the road again for Orient-Steering. Again. I seem to use this car quite a lot in the game for playlist purposes. Again, it put on a good showing.

The danger sign in Sierra Nueva was half an hour or so of throat-slaying, screaming fury. This is one of those PR stunts when the game will suddenly and randomly let you achieve the goal. The bounce ahead of the jump either killed the speed or sent you left or right or sent you spiralling off the ramp. The SWS was good, but it needs to have been so much better to make the effort worthwhile. This made the trailblazer look good, and that’s saying something.

The seasonal, Too Hot 2 Handle, had me looking for the hot hatch with the best PWR. That turned out to be the Scirocco. The first race was a pain in atrocious conditions, and the Scirocco, which I quite like as a low-level road car, was a bit rubbish, but I persevered. The reverse race was in better conditions and my only convincing win. This seemed to be another case of driving a car with as much engine as you can stuff under the bonnet because that must result in the most fun. Well, it sodding doesn’t. And the reward was more clothing. Oh, yay!

A small triumph this week was to complete Horizon Promo before the new series went live. I haven’t managed that feat in a while, but the Chevrolet pickup finally appeared in Las Dunas right in front of my car.

I also used the new Cupras to try and get the new cars to appear in races. I pushed the Tavascan up to 1,147hp, although the PWR was nothing outrageous, and did the Titan. The car tended to bounce a bit too much in spite of me softening the springs and damping, and tended to slide round some corners. Oddly enough, the Formentor handled similarly in spite of having a good deal less power. They were all right, but I don’t feel they stand out in any way.

I keep seeing comments about how great this series is. No, it’s not great, but it’s not terrible, either. It’s a bit niche, ap­pearing to celebrate the dull, mundane, pedestrian pickups of rural America. But perhaps my antipathy towards these things is just me.