Occasional Tales

In spite of exams this week and the horrors of marking, I’ve managed to get through the Festival playlist. Almost. Treasure hunt. I guessed that the best jump for the Isetta was off the volcano. Job done, but the chest had to be placed awkwardly for a lovely slice of slight irritation. The weekly was in the BMW M4 GTS. Be nice if there was an in-game manual explaining exactly what a Hard Charger skill is. Nope, I have no idea. Something to do with going fast off the line; something I achieve randomly. I wasn’t much impressed by the reappearance of the Ladera speed zone which so vexed everyone last week. I did it badly, but completed the task. I got a good wheel spin afterwards. Eventlab (1). Rabbit Raceway , was a twisty Hot Wheels track which merely succeeded in being another slice of annoying for the week. Too many fiddly turns and no banking. Eventlab (2). Touge Battle Vol. 3 . Drive down some narrow road. Pretend it’s fun. Get a one-third excellent SWS. PR stunts. It was another we

But first some news from last week. I was unable to do last week’s HA as a daily till yesterday. I spent 11 fraught minutes hoping that I wasn’t going to be disconnected. I also switched HAs when I got the impression that I might be dealing with a freeloader. Job done. But HAs should not be dailies since the connectivity is so appallingly bad. I started with the treasure hunt. I crashed about in the AMC Rebel. The treasure was placed in a position which provoked annoyance. I had an issue with the weekly. You had to drive 8.0 km, but my 3-Eleven refused to register more than about 100m. I think the problem was from fast travelling to claim a gift (that I could then pass on to some “new” player) because when I switched to my other Lotus 3-Eleven, the process resumed. The game then crashed when I went to Casa Bella to upgrade the car. The rivals challenge was a nuisance because I’m running out of races where I’m put up against the slowest time. I took a picture of the Morgan Aero GT, whic

The pain and the grind. I started with the weekly in the BAC Mono which went well. The photo was a repeat screening of the cave that’s roughly SSE of Ek’ Balam. Eventab (1). Laderas GP . Another good circuit. Didn’t quite have the polish of Pie de Volcán , but was an excellent choice. Eventlab (2). Ninja Marv Muddy Mangos . Silly name, but a decent enough rally circuit with some awkward corners. Rubbish SWS. Absolute donkey turd. Eventlab (3). GP Goyta Full . What in the name of the Forza gods was this sodding ridiculous thing?! The moment I saw S2-class extreme track toys, I knew that I was going to loathe it and I did. I assume that it’s a track where the kiddies can slam into each other, knock each other out of checkpoints, and vote each other capital fellows for being enormous plonkers. Not fun. And the prize was some ridiculous clothing, thus confirming my supposition of the target audience. I one-shotted the speed trap in the Nova, and then spent half an hour or so building and r

The first of the Secret Santa cars, the GMA T.50, got unlocked a couple of days ago. I gave it a spin yesterday, but got tangled up in annoying affairs of state, which delayed me posting some thoughts about the car until today. 655hp, but only 1,017kg. S2 936. Tuning 6/9, which is good, but exclude gears, aero and diff. The only engine upgrade is twin turbos (which send it to 902hp). It also has down force and V Max modes, which make a difference of about 17kmh (347 ~ 365kmh). Car masteries are actually not bad and include a 200% race bonus. I even got an excellent wheel spin out of it. I’ve been doing a lot of Rivals in Línea Costera recently mainly for testing purposes and mainly because it’s one of those awful races with an irritating turn one where the drivatars are maximally painful. I managed 02:27.667 in the stock T.50 in down-force mode. I tuned what could be tuned stock and managed to get the time down to 02:21.789 – eventually. Even though the car is quite grippy, it’s gripp

Let the bugs begin. I went over to the stadium which was empty apart from an icon marking Winter Wonderland . I clicked on it, and the Forzathon shop appeared. I sent someone an Alfa Romeo TZ2 as a gift before a bunch of props appeared and I fell through the ground. I reset my car, but was still trapped inside the barrier and had to fast travel to safety. The introductory announcement is being repeated each time I start the game. The treasure hunt seemed to be a matter of driving up the Volcán Sprint until some random point. I was online in free roam, which meant I was able to do an HA. As it turned out, I did the HA while a bunch of freeloaders who lurked elsewhere waited till the time ran out. If I’d had another minute I would’ve been able to get it all done, but the task was complete even though all three rounds weren’t. I think this was the first weekly in a car that I actually like – the 2016 Cayman GT4. The Winter Wonderland Circuit is as bad as I feared. Might make a good cart

And the other guys. Yes, I bought the Fast and Furious DLC. If you haven’t, if you’re dithering, don’t bother. Fanboys only, I’d say. I tried the cars stock in free roam, tuning what could be tuned. Dodge Charger Hellcat Redeye. Tuning 1/9; car masteries: mostly rubbish (Street Scene and drifting). No engine swaps. Overpowered, terrible handling. Back end wants to be the front, or the car wants to understeer or understeer and slide. Feels floaty. The Flip Car might be redeemable. 6.5 for tuning (the 0.5 is rear aero), and the car has a 200% race bonus. Three-speed gearbox and in spite of it being all frame and no trousers, it’s still 1,882kg. Good steering, but not bulletproof. The Dodge Charger (1970). Tuning 4.5/9 (0.5 because the final drive can be tuned). Has masteries for dirt and drag racing (why are all antique muscle cars in the game meant to be dirt racers? Domestic American racing scene?) Much the same as the Hellcat – overpowered, understeery, slidey, unstable. Datsun 240Z.

Could do better. Fast and Furious dlc – more overweight, overpowered American barges. Yes, I’ll probably buy the car pack, but as I said in the previous entry, there are so many cars in the game, I don’t have time for all of them. I’ve neglected other car packs somewhat and I may never try these outside of free roam. Four expensive, copy-and-paste Autoshow cars that seem to be intended – as AR12 Nick has suggested – to provoke players into shelling out their shekels on the Car Voucher scam. Yes, I called it a “scam”. The Gordon Murray T50 has piqued my interest. The Valkyrie is probably going to be the Nevera to the Concept version of the car. Same actress, different shade of lipstick. But the whole Secret Santa thing could be vexatious if I end up bombarded with rubbish. After being spared gifts for some time, I seem to have been the target for unwelcome donations. I can only hope we see no more of this in FH6. A new circuit race, albeit one that only appears in winter. Unfortunately,

Prefatory note I’ve been out of sorts since last weekend. My anxiety levels shot up and I was having one or more migraines a day. I went to see a doctor who prescribed Ativan, which is supposed to treat anxiety. What’s one of the side effects? Er, anxiety. Another side effect is visual oddities. The less bothersome is that colours tend to be muted and grainy. The more bothersome is when things ripple in and out of view. I hope things will calm down through the passage of next week, but I have to admit I did this week’s playlist under the influence. Don’t do it, children! Don’t do it! (And what’s worse I can’t have my customary glass of wine while I’m taking the Ativan; what cruel, heartless pharmaceutical company would deprived a chap of his glass of wine?) On with the games Luckily, I was already in the Exocet when I started the game. Treasure hunt done. The weekly was to drive an ageing American barge (the 2017 F-150) or some antique version of the same from the Dark Ages. I’d done n

As I discovered when I did the treasure hunt, the car had to specifically be a hot hatch, and I could do the jump in either direction. It was easier to jump down onto the slipway. But then I got multiple messages about solving the treasure hunt even after I’d been to the front garden of Lugar Tranquilo and claimed my treasure chest. The photo of the week was straightforward. Speaking of photos, I found there was a new car I hadn’t photographed. I thought I had the lot. The Eventlab tiles were broken again. It’s been awhile, but there was no text and clicking on them got the usual message about the content being unavailable. Worse than that, the folder where the Turn 10 Temp Scratch folder used to be seems to have vanished in W11. But when I got home this afternoon, the Eventlab events were live. Marchenhaft Bergpass was a decent circuit, but shame about the awful surface. Got a Mustang RTR Spec 5 out of it, so can’t complain. Tokyo Bay Drift was also good, with its NFS feel and one-t

As the game enters the terrible twos… I’m surprised we didn’t get something to celebrate the 2nd anniversary of FH5, and the date rather passed me by. Two years on and I’m disconnected in free roam over 99% of the time. I see there’s another HA as a daily. The last time we had and HA, it took three days (?) before I had a brief window of opportunity in which to complete it. Mostly it takes several attempts to connect to the Eliminator, the Trial, and Horizon Open/Tour (although today I managed this feat first time). Two years on and I’ve only just reached prestige 6 (in FH4, which I don’t play for such sustained periods, I think I’m already halfway to prestige 8). Although the range of cars is vast, I feel there are far too many of them, leading to neglect (I’ve briefly driven the F8 Tributo, but have done nothing else with it) or confusion in that a seasonal demands a certain sort of car, I look at the range of available models and shrug because I don’t know which one the game really

Antique bangers. I started the playlist with a crash. The game got to the playlist screen, I nudged my mouse slightly, and FH5 went CTD on me. When I returned, I started with the treasure hunt by driving along the beach on the west side of the map in search of a volleyball net, accidentally grazing one and completing the task. The treasure is round the back of Buenas Vistas. I opted for the 1975 Bronco for the weekly. It was a sound choice, but I ought to has specced it up for the seasonal in the Titan so that I could cover the cross country race and the seasonal championship in one go. I used a stock Lexus RC F for Midtown Urban City (a name which now that I look at it is a tautology since “Midtown City” or even “Midtown” would be sufficient). I couldn’t be bothered rebuilding and retuning my other RC F to meet the requirements. It was an actual race, but it was long and twisty, being yet another tiresome start-stop sort of course. In one section I was permanently in second. Admitted

As there was no treasure hunt this week (Omnes [but insincerely]: Shame!), I started with the weekly in the 2018 Mustang. For the danger sign task I went to the top of the volcano because every time I tried the motorway or Festival site jumps, the car went arse over tit (as we say in the vernacular). We had to have a Street Scene race as well, didn’t we? (Scream.) I managed to do the HA without any fuss or bother. Yes, dear reader, I was actually online in free roam. It didn’t last. The first Eventlab was Crop Circle Stadium Rally , which was sort of like a drift zone, which seemed to be rather irritating until… Eventlab (2), which necessitated a trip to Eventlab Island for some race which was on a decent enough circuit, with the annoying dial being set to maximum. And just to dump a turd into my bowl of irritation soup, the SWS was bloody rubbish. Never mind, the photo made it all… worse, forcing me to start a Street Scene race (scream!) to take a picture of my Camaro ZL1 1LE, and rew

And the new sprint races. Yes, of course I bought the new car pack. We start with the 2020 Chevrolet Silverado (tuning 1/9; no surprise). As my test, I took it up the volcano, but as I guessed, I needed to crab it to get it to the top. I upgraded it to S1 class and took it out in the Titan , but in spite of a solid win, I’d say it was probably better to have taken it to the top of A class. In truth, this doesn’t seem to offer anything that the plethora of overweight, American agricultural barges don’t already offer. I was expecting the Czinger C21 (tuning 8/9; but not gears) to be overpowered and underhandling (neologism © Me, 2023), but it was overpowered and grippier than a limpet. As a test, I took it down the motorway towards the start of Descansar Dorado , which is preceded by a corner where cars are prone to understeer at speed. I took the turn in the stock Czinger without even lifting off. I got 366kmh down the motorway. HW Goliath 14:58. I think I’ve done that race in under 15

Or, The Antiques Roadshow, US edition. Let’s start with the Autoshow Car Vouchers, which seems to be a cynical cash grab. The target cullies are, I assume, the Game Pass brigade who contribute so little financially to MS’s vast money bins, but are probably the players who turn up on Facebook wanting to know how to make more money because they can’t be bothered doing races to earn the credits they need. Mind you, this could also be used by new players to get the Autoshow cars that barely if ever turn up in wheel spins without spending vast sums on them. FH4 suffered from there being a number of expensive cars that were never playlist or wheel spin rewards. And then there’s new DLC car pack. Yes, I’ll cave and buy it, but only for the Saleen S7 LM. I don’t want some ridiculous hot rod van, another obese agricultural barge, or some obscenely overpowered hypercar that’s only good for PR stunts. As for the rest, it’s mostly like the Antiques Roadshow. The series cars are a pair of shrugs. T

Mostly a doddle. I decided to use my 1993 Skyline GT-R for the Trial because it has the best PWR of the cars which were eligible for this championship. The GT-R LM was also a popular choice. In spite of mostly going smoothly, there were some incidents. I was doing quite well in Cruce de Valle until I took the turn to the bridge that crosses the motorway, where I found an SUV mostly blocking my path. I pinged off it and off the road, driving across the motorway and up the far slope, bouncing over the crest to land just ahead of the checkpoint. I’m not sure how many places I lost, but I still managed to come 3rd. This leads to the second incident of this race. I’m coming up to the finish, but see two coaches stopped on the road ahead of me into which two drivatars had crashed and were stuck. Easy 3rd. Thanks for the assistance, long-distance coach services. I got up to 3rd in Granjas de Tapalpa , although my teammate ahead of me seemed a little inexperienced. There’s a short S-section w

I won, and everyone else is a DNF. A most curious tale to be told this week of my unexpected triumph in Horizon Open. But as usual, we start with the treasure hunt, which was a matter of amassing skill points until the task was complete. Easy money again. The weekly in the Meyers Manx was straightforward. I heard from the forums that there was some issue with the danger sign challenge, but I did three or four and completed that. The first Eventlab event, Hell’s Mulegé City Circuit , has potential, but the wrong weather, and we didn’t need the lampposts down the middle of the track. I also didn’t need the utterly rubbish SWS. The other Eventlab event, Vulcan Raceway , was another circuit with potential, but the prize was rubbish. I managed to one-shot all the PR stunts in my 2022 VW Golf. The SWSs were all one-third good. The photo. The answer is Guidelines. Yes, that’s where portrait mode is, just where no one would think to look for it because it should be under Orientation. If I hadn

 Or, Who thought this was a good idea? I opted to do the Trial in my Corvette C8, the one with the livery from way back. The Stadium Oval went about as well as I expected, with the drivatars winning. I might’ve picked up a place just before the finish line, but it wasn’t enough. The Volcán Sprint started well (he said sarcastically) with me at the back of the field. I managed to drive my way to 5th place and incommode one of the drivatars as we were approaching the section near the end of the race where there’s a light dusting of snow. The annoying creature was to my left, and to their left were some rocks. Someone got nudged into the rocks and flew up into to the air, and somehow humanity triumphed over the robots. There was some quitting, which may have helped. And then there was the Horizon Festival Circuit – all one lap of it. Somehow we won that race as well, but who thought that a one-lap circuit race would be the funnest time anyone could have in a racing game? I was thinking

Finally, the F8 Tributo returns. The treasure hunt was a matter of winning a cross country race in a Jag. I chose the F Pace and did the Aerodrome Circuit . CR100,000 in the bank. I suppose all the overexcited 12-year-olds who play the game opted for the least off-road cars. The weekly was to drive the Vūhl. I’ll be honest – I don’t like the car’s handling. It’s ridiculously light at the front and has no turn-in (yes, mine is AWD). I cheated with the barrel roll after being unable to produce the desired effect from the airfield jump. I assume you need to make the car all engine and no handling. The cheat was to go to the bridge across the river and let it tumble over the edge. Job done. The photo was the 1998 Nissan Silvia (wake me up, someone!) with the player standing in front of it. Why? I even completed this pointless task without Casa Bella being in shot. Silly and pointless. (I said “pointless” twice for emphasis.) Neon City Circuit Race was the first Eventlab event. B700 VW, wh

“I say, chaps, I’ve got a frightfully stupid idea.” The stupid ideas started with the weekly, which forced you to do the Vocho Story to unlock the VW Beetle. So, good luck if you had and then thought to sell the car which, I suspect, is rare in the AH. You then had to hope you hadn’t bought every part in sight already because you’d be unable to spend CR25,000 upgrading the car. I used an engine swap because I don’t normally bother with such things. Take a photo at night. Night has been needlessly extended in the game, but, of course, it had to be dawn when I attempted this. Fortunately, the time of day can be changed in the photo settings, which means they have some use. The collectibles were easily sorted. Well, destroyed. Eventlab (1). Self-Sabotage, Vehicular Therapy . A circuit race in the Porsche Macan Rally Raid for an annoying, pointless phrase. Some annoying turns and an irritating narrow section, but not terrible. Eventlab (2). Del Mar City . D500 Lotus Elan (which is my sort

And the Trial. Back to Mexico this afternoon to deal with the latest daily and try out the other new cars from the Super Speed Car Pack. The Elemental RP1 has 6/9 for tuning. Astounding grip and turning to the point where I was taking the more benign corners in Copper Canyon in 6th gear. The main issue is the lack of power stock, but this is, I feel, my new favourite road-legal superlight. It also has a very sexy wing. The KTM X-Bow GT2 is 8/9 for tuning. It’s very similar to the Elemental, but not quite as much grip and turn-in. It could do with a bit more power. In the races I tried, the KTM X-Bow GT2 proved to be a right pest, but mine was tuned. This is, though, a decent car to drive and a worthy addition to the game. I believe that KTM is Austrian. Perhaps someone can explain why such a car has an American dashboard. I wasn’t planning on driving the 2022 VW Golf R, but I thought I’d do the Trial anyway, and since that was B700 VW, I took this rather dubious inclusion to the Super

I did some extra things. Doh! I started with the Mazda RX-7 Spirit, doing rivals in Llanuras to complete the treasure hunt. My rival had a time of 3 hours, which, I knew, was going to be tricky to beat. Off I went, but there was something odd about the car, which had weird gears and a tendency to slide into the corners. When I checked the tuning, I found it was still set up for drifting from the previous time I used it. I retuned it without rebuilding it and managed to complete Llanuras . The weekly forced us into the 1973 Porsche 911, which understeers and slides at the slightest nudge. I managed to do the drift zone event in two goes. Fortunately, the drivatars weren’t being pains in the races. Eventlab (1). 3am Rush . This was Emerald Circuit at midnight with fog. It might’ve been worse such as a race on a custom-built track against annoying drivatars. Eventlab(2) was Scinaty Part 2 . I appreciate the effort that went into this one, but am glad there wasn’t an actual race. The SWS

As is my wont, I checked the forums this morning for info about the update for Series 26 only to find that the Super Speed Car Pack was fast going nowhere. When you go into the shop via the game, the new car pack is there, but the shelves are bare. I now know what Mother Hubbard feels like. I wasn’t able to check out FH5 until lunchtime when I found that I was in the same boat as, it seems, almost everyone else. In fact, unlike some players, I can’t even buy the car pack through the game (but see below). I assume it’s been delisted from the MS shop, where I can’t find it at all, but I’ve heard it’s on Steam. However, in a live update, I’ve just checked the xbox app, where I find the Super Speed Car Pack is listed and can be bought (and I’ve bought it). The new cars are there in Horizon Promo, but my attempt to get them participate one race or another failed. Mind you, because of the issue with the car pack cars, they may not even appear in races. The Tsuru turned up. I’ve not heard of

The good, the bad and the ugh. It’s not all bad. The two missing Ferraris, the 250 GT and the F8 Tributo, will be back in the game at long last as series rewards. That leaves the ghastly pig Porsche and a few of the fat-arsed Extreme E cars before my garage is finally complete again for the first time in well over a year. The Nissan Tsuru is being added to the game. You get what you vote for. It’s meant to be from 2010, but looks more like it’s from 1990. It’s also going to to be the second starter car in the Eliminator. Now if only they’d make all the cars in the Eliminator off-roaders or at least replace the least suitable vehicles. The other summer car is the Nissan Z, returning for the third time, I think. Overweight barge. Did anyone vote for a Meyers Manx EV? And why would anyone want a Subaru WRX as a reward car? Don’t get me wrong – I like the Subaru rally cars, but they’re a bit dated and a bit dull. For dirt racing, depending on the rules and regulations, I tend to opt for th