Occasional Tales

I had to make the Nevera go fast along the runway to complete the treasure hunt. No idea how many FPs I now have, and I certainly have nothing to spend them on. The weekly was a pain because of the Showoff skill. I have no idea what one of these is. If I did know, I’d be unable to consciously do one. I did a plenitude of races before I finally got one in Vista del Mar, although at what point this happened, I have no idea. I one-shotted the DS for a one-third very good SWS. I one-shotted the ST for an SWS that was beyond excellent, but I don’t actually need another Sesto Elemento. I also one-shotted the SZ for an SWS that was one-third good and one-third very good. The photo is of the painting on the side of the player house in Playa Azul. Eventlab (1). Sunset Palms Raceway . Points off for Eventlab Island, another excellent advertisement for incorporating such places into the main map instead of forcing players to load a new map in. Good use of props. Marks on for daylight, and a tick ...

Finally daylight returns after a month of unnecessary darkness. I did manage to do last week’s treasure hunt when a wreckage skills HA eventually appeared. I noticed this morning that I had 104K FPs, having acquired 2,000 more from the gods alone know where. Oh well, I suppose it’s Forza counting again. I randomly completed the treasure hunt in the Holden Torana by driving over bumpy bits of Mexico. The weekly was in the Honda S2000CR which, I think, was still set up from the last time this weekly came up. I switched it back to RWD until the final task when I had to swap it to RWD or be doomed to end up spinning round in circles. I one-shotted the first ST for a rubbish SWS. I then one-shotted the second ST for a one-third good SWS. The SZ took me a couple of attempts as ever, but the SWS was one-third good and one-third very good. Rivals week again, but four events, not two. Eventlab (1). Mink Creek Circuit . Good use of props to emulate natural terrain. Layout is all right, albeit a ...

I haven’t managed to do the treasure hunt because that’s dependent on the right sort of treasure hunt (i.e., wreckage skills) turning up. I’ll get it done in due course. I’ll be glad to see the back of this series and the interminable night and night-time races. The weekly challenge was in the 2012 Nissan GT-R. What did we have to do? A Street Scene race. Scream! I smashed (literally in the game) three STs. I had to check to see whether I’d completed the challenge because I got no notification of it. I’m not even certain whether I had to callously mow down one camera or both. I one-shotted the ST, but had to redo the DS because the car went tail down. I one-shotted the SZ in the Brabham. A single one-third good SWS and the other two were rubbish. Eventlab (1). Ejime Race Track . Another bloody night race. The lights are guides rather than a source of illumination. The track is mostly all right, but I wasn’t impressed by the excessively tight hairpin. It’s the sort of circuit that’s pro...

The treasure hunt was doing Basejump in an Aston Martin. This DS is painful because the target is a smidge to the left, which meant failing the jump because I was either landing on rocks or failing the jump by landing to the left on, er, something. I tried the Valkyrie and the Valhalla, but completed the task in the Vantage since the game seemed not to like the other two cars. All this for 300FPs. I must be very close to passing 100,000FPs. From the weekly challenge I find I have five 2020 Mustang Shelby GT500s. I have no idea how I come to be in this position. The ultimate burnout was annoying because the car kept sliding off the road. I painted the car, but as I’d done that previously, wasn’t wasting a slot. I zipped down the motorway and completed another weekly challenge. I PB’ed the DS, but it took several attempts because of annoying obstacles. One-third good SWS. I managed to one-shot the SZ in the MB CLK GTR. Phew! That’s an SZ that can be a massive pain i’ th’ posterior. No, ...

The title of the weekly challenge is Corvette Racing . “Drive the 2015 Camaro,” it says. Ah, that must be how the Americans pronounce “Corvette”. That wasn’t the only oddity because when I did the speed trap task, I used the ST that was also one of this week’s PR stunts. The game ought to have been giving me irate messages such as “Wrong car, you utter arse!” But it seemed not to mind that I wasn’t in an S2-class car. I also used the Camaro Z28 for the photo. The tank is on the wall to the left on the wiggly street as you look towards the statue up the hill. I did the collectibles as well, but had an HA to contend with. There’s no need to try and hit the cubes in awkward places unless you’re being a try-hard. I think I said this last time we did this. PR stunts. The DS took a couple of goes, but I managed to PB it on the second attempt, and the SWS was one-third very good. I one-shotted the ST, but there was some rewinding because of annoying traffic. On-third good SWS. I also one-shot...

I drifted down Costa Este for the treasure hunt and still managed over 800,000 points in spite of my lack of practise. I can’t even recall what the treasure was, but suspect that 100,000FPs are not far away. Nothing much to report about the weekly. I did Marigold for the race, my usual speed zone, and easily hit the speed target. I one-shotted the DS for a two-thirds good SWS. I PB’ed the ST on the bridge outside Mulegé for another two-thirds good SWS. Took me a couple of attempts to do the SZ because I was too tentative on my first try. The SWS was one-third good. Eventlab (1). Parametric . Props – full marks. Road surface – pah! Track layout – fine. Choice of cars – inappropriate. Nighttime – all marks deducted for annoying me. Eventlab (2). Miami Vice Riverside Drive . I went with the Ferrari Challenge Stradale for this one. Props were all right, the layout was fine (but say it in an ironic tone of voice). Nighttime – sodding irritating again. The SWS was one-third good. The Trial...

I probably haven’t driven the Meyers Manx since the last time we were forced to drive this thing. In the Baja California race, it was completely outclassed by the Delorean and the VW Thing (which introduced this week’s theme – drivatars cheating in dirt races). As I’ve said before, this is the sort of car that’s driven by pretty blonde girls in tampon adverts. For this week’s DZ, it immediately became apparent that you’re supposed to use one of the Hoonigan clown cars. Rubbish SWS. I’m OK with the TB, La Marisma , even if I don’t ever do it. I’m not OK when I get bounced into a tree, but my Renault 5 Turbo was the right car for the job. The game being the veriest model of generosity gave me yet another crappy SWS. Eventlab. Guanajuato Race Track . One lap would’ve been enough of this combination of Panorámica and Cathedral . Good use of props. Baja Mil was the most annoying thing since the last time it was the most annoying thing. I’m sure I repeated myself by starting in the Desert...

The treasure hunt was to do the TB that ends in Las Ranas (sp? where the start of the Eliminator is). It took several goes because I haven’t attempted this TB in ages. I know there’s a path through the trees that makes the sharp left-hander less painful, but I’ve forgotten where it is. I eventually managed to three-star it, but not in a way that might attract the adjective “competent”. The weekly was in the Vūhl. I had to switch to my S2-class Vūhl for the DS. I one-shotted the DS of a one-third excellent SWS. The SZ was once again a massive pain, although it took me fewer tries to complete it than it did previously and the SWS was one-third very good. Eventlab (1). The Sierra Annual River Run was a solo jaunt in unlimited off-roaders. It wasn’t a bad idea, but the wriggly first sector was irritating as was the declaration “The crowd grows wild” when it ought to be “The crowd goes wild”. And that got me my fourth FE MB CLK GTR. Eventlab (2). Holiday Dash was a decent, intermediate-l...

No treasure hunt this week, which meant straight on with the weekly in the 2017 Ford F-150 Raptor. The biggest bother this week was having to amass 500,000 skill points. The only fortunately here was the random arrival of a skill song on the radio. This was a week of very painful PR stunts. The ST (speed trap) was the same as the one we did last week or the week before. In spite of my Mitsubishi Evos apparently having the speed, they were way short of the target. The answer was the Eclipse, which you could equip with off-road race tyres. However, that all took about 20 minutes and thoroughly annoyed me because I wish we’d be told which car could actually achieve the target. The reward this time was a car. I one-shotted the SZ (speed zone) in the Porsche Macan for a one-third good SWS. I knew the TB (trailblazer) was going to be a massive pain i’ th’ arse and it was. Almost every run I did was a second short. I’d forgotten that the car to use was the VB Beetle and must’ve spent the bett...

I’ve spent much of today trying the Nissan Retro Rides Car Pack, and the cars which Horizon Realms has unlocked. Nissan Retro Rides They’re mostly the same. Same stock tuning – 1/9 (see me after class), the same perks, including the 150% XP racing bonus (probably to entice players to drive them), and whole range of engine swaps. I built all of them in much the same way and raced them round 5 laps of the Stadium Track . 1991 Nissan Figaro. Built to B class. 04:25.359 with a best lap of 00:50.594, which shows just how short this track is if I can lap it in this time in a FWD car. 1989 Nissan Pao. The camshaft boosted this into A class. Overall time, 04:16.551, which was 15 seconds faster than the drivatars. My fastest lap was 00:49.749. 1989 Nissan S-Cargo (escargot – geddit?). In this first race, this blasted into the lead. Another car I built into low A class. Very nose-heavy. Race time of 04:15.505 which was 21 seconds ahead of the drivatars probably because by now I had the measure o...

This week’s treasure hunt was… but first a word from our sponsors, Horizon Realms – playpen opportunities to annoy you to a greater or lesser extent. All your favourite Evolving Worlds™ are packed inside minuscule spaces with maximum opportunities to lose skill chains. Horizon Realms, coming to a PC, xbox, PS5 (delete as applicable) near you. What was I talking about? Oh, the treasure hunt. Do some jumps in the Pontiac Firebird. The weekly was the return of the 1983 VW Golf GTi. It had to include a Street Scene race, and the Street Scene race had to include the inappropriate Porsche Rallye (pronounced “Dakar”). Yes, I won, but that Porsche Dakar… sorry, Rallye, has a tendency to pop up in all the wrong places and being one of those cars that the drivatars make you hate (e.g., the Supervan 3 in FH4) even though it’s quite good. (Aside: I don’t think the Porsche Rallye [Dakar? –ed.] is that good, being too overpowered and too underhandling.) I somehow managed to knock out an ultimate ski...

The game was much less kind this week, and I actually had to do something to complete the treasure hunt. The weekly challenge was in the Hoonigan F-150, which has the advantage of being AWD. Of course, some wit at PGG had to include the Volcán Sprint , although apart from the wiggly bit (I was too fast into it), I managed not to make a fool of myself. That got me another Sierra 700R as well. Woohoo! Shopping trolleys for everyone. Time for the PR stunts. One-shotted the danger sign for a one-third good SWS. One-shotted and PB’ed the speed trap for a rubbish SWS (isn’t that always the way?) No, wait, there’s more. Went up a level and got a better wheel spin. I managed to one-shot the drift zone for another rubbish SWS. Eventlab (1), Crop Circle Stadium Rally . Points on for props. Points off for placement of props because the intermittent tyre bundles were a potential nuisance. Points off for overpowered cars on a go-kart track. Points on for this being limited to two laps. Eventlab (2)...

The treasure hunt. The tile suggested that I should jump a particular distance across some river. I got in my FE Puma, left my house, and my job was done. Perhaps like London, there’s a buried river beneath Mulegé. This is not the first time I’ve completed a treasure hunt without actually doing it. There was another one which also involved a jump. I bounced over a low rise, I certainly hadn’t done the required distance, but had somehow completed the task. The weekly challenge was in the Hoonigan Ford Focus Gymkhana 10. I retuned the car for road racing because one of the tasks was Tunnel Run , which didn’t really help. I’ve been trying some of the Hoonigan clown cars (let’s call ’em what they are) with the turbo rally engine instead, which seems to help. I knew the danger sign into the stadium would be annoying because although I landed the car without it flipping, it appears you had to land on the wheels; and when I did complete the task, I PB’ed it to be applauded with a rubbish SWS....

I thought we had another faulty weekly because the light-grey Hoonigan Mustang didn’t initially trigger the event. I did Highland Climb for the Street Scene race, but with care and got a pathetic wheel spin afterwards. That took me to a spot just outside Guanajuato, where I quickly found a taco cart to smash, and the drifting after that was no problem. I one-shotted the drift zone in the Hoonicorn while I was doing the weekly. A pitiful exhibition of drifting, but it worked. I PB’ed the speed trap the other day when I was practising, but this took me a couple of attempts in my low S2-class International Scout. One-third good SWS. One-shotted the danger sign for a lame SWS. Thanks, game. Eventlab (1). Cordillera Lapras . I liked this as an intermediate-length scramble. Went with the Escort RS1600. Eventlab (2) Mangrove Rallycross . Night – no. Layout – ugh. Props – good unless there were awkward jumps ahead of corners. Another pathetic SWS. One-shotted the HW PR stunt in the Jesko (obv...

I had to switch to the Fiat Abarth 131 to complete the treasure hunt. The Desert Flyer was too underpowered to fling about the place. The weekly passed through my life without leaving a scar. I did the air skills by going back and forth over the same ridge not far from the main festival site. One-shotted the danger sign (one-third good SWS), but the speed zone took a couple of attempts in that FE Nissan. Another one-third good SWS. I PB’ed the Trailblazer (which we only did last week or sometime recently) by doing the usual thing of an oblique entry to follow the road rather than barge my way ineptly through the trees. The SWS ended up being one-third very good and one-third excellent. Eventlab (1). Don Joe Won Song’s Utopia Gardens Recension . Top-quality use of props, but I did exactly what I did the last time, crashing into the barrier in the beach section (twice) because of the lack of any visual indicators as to the route. Eventlab (2) was Castillo Scramble . Judicious use of prop...

For the treasure hunt I three-starred a speed trap in my Cerbera, which is mad as a bag of hammers, and got rewarded, although not for driving a car that’s utterly certifiable. The treasure’s over in Teotihuacán, but there’s no need to crash into any of Mexico’s ancient monuments. Fast travel. Completing the weekly challenge also got me the McLaren F1. Third one, I think. No, there’s nothing much to say about the weekly challenge. I one-shotted the danger sign in the F40 Competizione, managing to not botch the landing one way or another. One-third very good SWS. With some gentle cornering, I one-shotted the speed trap as well. The SWS was rubbish, which started a theme. I expected the speed zone to be a pain and it was. I wish I could say something helpful about doing it, but in the end I think the Forza gods got bored and let me complete it. I did switch to the M-Sport Fiesta for it. The SWS was absolutely awful. Eventlab (1). Cannonball Raceway suffered from that awful road surface ...

The patch actually worked this time. I raced a track toy round Mulegé to do the treasure hunt. I’d only just recently been racing such cars on that circuit and had a custom race to use. What I’d forgotten is that the creator thought that a light smattering of traffic would add to the fun. It wasn’t bothersome, but not welcome either. The treasure was over at the airfield in a hangar. The weekly in the Ultima was a bit of a pain because to complete the upgrades part of the challenge, I had to buy three sets of tyres. I have two of these things; at least I didn’t have to buy a third one. The danger sign was a pain, but I expected no less. I did my run from the corner on Lookout Circuit , which was sufficient. I was sailing through the air for the right distance and either landing on the rocks on the right-hand side of the road or going nose first into the road and failing the jump until as usual, the Forza gods allowed me to complete the stunt. It’s no great feat to guess that the SWS w...

Having seen another player’s somewhat ropey performance in the GMC Syclone in the Trial this week, I thought I’d try it myself. The Syclone starts in mid C class, which gives it a decent amount of scope for building with tuneable components. I managed to get it to a PWR of 0.300 (weight down to 1,312kg). I was on the second row of the grid for Panorámica. Most of the other players – apart from one, I think – were prestige something. I was aware of the likelihood of chaos at the start of the race, but managed to do my usual magic on the corners and finish in 2nd. I couldn’t quite catch Teagan. I was last on the grid on Plaza Circuit, but used the usual mess on the first turn and what follows to pass most of the field and take 1st place. By the time the race finished, I was 15 seconds ahead of 2nd place. The rest of humanity (mostly) ended up in a solid block, enabling a team win. I could see one player sitting it out, waiting for the rest of us to do the heavy lifting. I’d say the Syclo...

May the farce be with you. I wasn’t surprised to find that the patch that was supposed to fix the problem with playlist points not being awarded last week was waiting to be installed. I launched the game, made some adjustments to my 2015 Corvette for the weekly, and left my house. I was about to check my messages when the game went CTD. I didn’t think much about it because the game does this from time to time, but when I started the game again, it crashed a second time as it went through the prefatory waffle. I went to the forums to see whether this was An Issue™, and found that the matter had already got 101 votes. By lunchtime my time, a second patch had been dispatched, reversing the deleterious effects of the first one, and I was able to play the game, albeit with the same glitch as last week. In my case, it doesn’t matter, but it’ll be annoying for a lot of other players. I assume that the game got confused if players had already done this season previously because some flag neede...

I’m still here, but I oughtn’t to be. I started with the PR stunts this week. Muffed my first attempt on the danger sign in the Jesko, but got a two-thirds good SWS from the second attempt. I one-shotted the speed trap and got a one-third good SWS. The speed zone was a sodding pain in the arse. I tried with the Jesko even though I knew it’d be way to fast to be any good. I tried the F40 Competizione without any success and eventually completed the task in the Koenigsegg CCGT. I blasted my way through Rivals. Normally I’m a bit cautious because I don’t usually need to worry about not defeating my opponent, but today it was all pedal to the metal even in the Mission R. The photo was where the wheels started to fall off this week’s shopping trolley. I took a pic of the 812 Superfast outside Buenas Vistas, but later found that the tile was still live. I took the picture again, completed the job, but think I got no points. The treasure hunt also proved to be faulty. I got five near miss ski...

Well, I was wrong about the cars. It seems that the Noble M600 will not be series or seasonal reward car in Series 44. Like recent series, the Backstage Pass remains the 80% reward, but I’m pretty sure that the only car I don’t have more than one of in the new list is the Koenigsegg Agera RS (but the reward is going to be the Agera; I believe I have two already). As for the rest, I have at least two of each. (Aside: I’ve just learnt that the 2012 BMW M5 is in the Autoshow; I must confess that it’s a feature of the game I either ignore or use as a classification system.) I now find that Max had posted lists of new series cars on the forums, but I missed that… because the list (which I found earlier this morning) was buried in the thread. Are the missing cars going to be part of the Backstage Pass vote? Or will they be in the Forzathon shop? Or will players have to wait for their random inclusion in revised future series? What will they do if the Extreme E series turns up because that wa...

I started the week with the weekly challenge in the ugly 1993 Ford SVT Cobra, a car that wouldn’t have looked sexy and desirable even back in the 90s. I’d seen there were problems with painting the body of the car, but, it seems, the dot on the tile wasn’t turning yellow to indicate completion, while the text at the bottom said the task had been completed. I did the race and the weekly was done. I went to the Street Scene Festival site and smashed some cubes, which got me the 80% series car. PR stunts. In the Cobra again, but this time C600. I one-shotted the danger sign and managed to front flip on landing. The SWS was one-third very good and two-thirds good, a most unusual outcome. It took a lot of attempts to do the Trailblazer. I know the best strategy, which is to head through the gate at a shallow angle, swing right through the trees (if you don’t go right enough, you’ll get savaged by the game’s feral logs), follow the road, and cut corners. I still have a theory that there’s a ...

I was looking for some videos on my old laptop at school yesterday when I came across a video of me playing Most Wanted (2005). I think I was probably testing the game bar to record a video about six years ago (?) when I had that game installed just before I bought Horizon 4. I see that Ericship111 posted a video about FH5 ending too soon. Ending? Another matter. The video I found had me wondering why I played MW (2005) so much even though it had no Festival playlist, the roster of cars was minute, and nothing new was ever added to the game. The game has some progression (which – little reminder – can’t go on forever) in that you did events to unlock new parts of Fairhaven and to challenge rivals on the Black List before dealing with Sergeant Cross and the Corvette Squad. What made the game replayable for me was the police pursuits even though I reached a point where I knew all the tactics to evade them or boost my score because Sergeant Cross would sit behind me in the docks just out ...