Occasional Tales

Turn on, tune in, drop out. PGG has been posting share codes for tunes for new cars via in-game messages. Not quite sure why they’ve been doing this since while it’s possible to reconstruct how a car was upgraded, it’s not possible to see the precise tuning settings (i.e., as an aid for players wondering about such settings). At least I don’t think it is. This state of affairs has had the Chief Try-Hard (CTH) on the forums fulminating about how there are better tuners, whose work should be promoted etc. By and large I’ve never bothered with other people’s tunes. I do my own, which I’d describe as cosy – a pleasant driving experience so long as you aren’t being a Horizon Open try-hard yourself. However, I thought I’d try the tune being promoted for the AMC Rebel, expecting that I was probably going to say to myself, “I wish I could build and tune like that.” Sometimes I’m wrong. I installed the tune on the new Rebel and took it for a spin round the Horizon Mexico Circuit . I have to con...

 Last call for the final sitting. The weekly. Some fat, overpowered Dodge with no handling. Do an A-class drag race (ugh). It gets worse because the small print says “stock”. Well, don’t say A-class since this is neither here nor there. In the end I had to buy a new Challenger because even after restoring the car (paints, parts and tuning) to its pristine, virgin glory, the drag race wasn’t being ticked off. I was ticked off because I had to buy a new Challenger and now have four of these bloated messes in my garage. And if one drag race wasn’t pointless enough, I then had to do another in S1 class. Another week of S2-class PR stunts. I PB’ed the DS, but not before I’d hit the wall to the left, hit the wall to the right, and had the tail or nose of the car droop down for no obvious reason. I one-shotted and PB’ed the SZ for a one-third good SWS. I did the usual thing with the TB, heading for the road to the right and curving round so as to be spared all the bouncing over the dunes....

Another week starting with the weekly, this time in the Vūhl 05RR. Too light, too prone to sliding in road races. I used my S2-class, AWD one to do the DS. I’ve nearly hit 150,000 FPs. Well, I did spend some on that idiotic Father Christmas beard in the Forzathon shop. The Eventlab, It’s a Big Christmas , gets full marks for props, but not for the layout of the circuit with its crossovers. I had to stop at one to let the drivatars past or risk getting broadsided. Another photo of a snowman. What did I get? Amnesia. I can’t recall. [ I can’t recall who she is, either . –ed.] It took me a couple of attempts to do the ST. I knew what to do (i.e., drive across the fields), but went over the crest of a hill the first time, which slowed me down. A one-third very good SWS. I knew the SZ was going to be a particular pain and eventually PB’ed it in my S2-class International Scout (S2 906). Again, I knew what I ought to be doing, but couldn’t quite get it right until I tapped my way through the ...

Prefatory note This post is a bit delayed for two reasons. I was going to do the Trial after I got home yesterday only to be disconnected multiple times. Fortunately, the connection was sound again this morning. The other delay was that I was nearly on prestige 8, 1,000, thinking that I had another 200 levels to go to prestige 9. Au contraire , I ended up on prestige 9 this afternoon. And now, the main feature The week started with the weekly in the Audi S1. The only trick question was the last event to win a dirt scramble . I suspect that the last time we did this series, I did a trail race and wondered why I hadn’t completed the task. I took a picture of the snowman at my house in Playa Azul. I’m sure there was a reason. Picture of the Queen of Sheba in a bikini? Could’ve been AI since I’m pretty certain they didn’t have cameras in them olden days. I managed to enter an HA in a timely fashion (i.e., not having to wait 12 minutes). I PB’ed the DS after several [ hundred –ed.] botched...

 Prefatory note. This will be the first repeated series (15) that I haven’t previously recorded here. I had a look back through the entries and found that I started posting tales from FH5 with Series 17, although I may have made notes about Series 15 somewhere else. A notebook? If I remember correctly, we had to gift cars to unlock the Lamborghini Sián in the original series. Thankfully, we’re not having to do that again. I started with the treasure hunt, which didn’t seem to work. Does the car have to be green? I wondered. I repainted it, but that seemed not to have any effect. After several attempts, the hunt was done and I went over to Playa Azul for the treasure. It was only later that I discovered that you had to drive 8km(/5 miles) first. How did anyone determine that since it’s not part of the clue? The weekly was in the Isetta. 89kmh through an ST. I was going about 240kmh, but nothing happened. Oh, a stock Isetta. Fortunately, I have a second one which I was able to downg...

We start the week with #ForcedEngagement, viz. upgrading some Ford Focus on the Test Track (let’s hope this isn’t an exercise which gets repeated in FH6) to win 300 FPs. I have over 144,000, but it was only 142,000 last week. Gods, I’m on my uppers. Spare some FPs, guv? The weekly in the AR Giulia was straightforward enough, but a drag race? Warum? (he said randomly in German.) Oddly enough I managed to do the drift task, RWD, without making a complete arse of myself in the process. For the first time in this series, the Eventlab tiles were live from the start. SZ 2.11 was that awful, extended version of Cathedral with garish lighting stolen from a disco c. 1978. Some of the checkpoints were poorly placed with respect to the turns beyond them. Well, it could be worse, and was in the form of Ark Seacoast Drift Town . The use of props in this one is excellent, but the circuit leaves much to be desired. As I drive in cockpit view, there are times where I can’t see where the next checkpoi...

Eventlab added at no extra cost! Before doing the treasure hunt, I did a little test to see whether driving from Mulegé to the seaside counted. It didn’t. As I think I said on the previous occasion, you drive from Guanajuato to somewhere along the beach near Playa Azul. Another 300FPs to add to the 142,000 or so that I already have. I’m sure I only had 137K about a week ago or so. As I probably also said the last time, the pic of the Maserati on the test track was probably another instance of #ForcedEngagement. Who uses the test track and why would they bother? (#NotInFH6) The obvious choice for the PR stunts was the Taycan CT. I crashed into a tree when I tried to do the DS, but was unsurprised. The trick seems to be to swing to the right. The SWS was one-third very good. I one-shotted the ST for a one-third good SWS. I also did the same to the DZ. A one-third very good SWS. It was then off to do the HW PR stunt because once again, the Eventlab tiles aren’t working. This seemed to be ...

 I probably drove the same HSV Gen-F GTS for this weekly as I did the last time, although since then I’ve painted the car a different colour and have added some stripes. No real problems, but this sort of thing doesn’t take a week to do. I took a picture of the 2022 Ford Focus. I got some pretty bovver boots. The collectibles were easily done. I got a pointless, probably annoying horn. I one-shotted the ST in Guanajuato and got a Shelby Cobra from the SWS. I believe I only had one previously and had been thinking recently I’d like another. The other ST took a couple of attempts because of the awful conditions and a car swap. I started with the Dodge Demon (?), which was ridiculously overpowered and terrible in the wet. One-third excellent SWS. One-shotted the SZ, but the SWS was a disappointment. (Yes, I know, I don’t need the credits.) I postponed the HT in favour of the HW PR stunt because I didn’t fancy the events that were being offered. I one-shotted the SZ in the BMW X6M for ...

Now with added Eventlab. This week’s treasure hunt – TB in a Polestar – worked properly. The treasure was over in Ek’ Balam. The weekly in the Audi TT RS posed no problems. I ought to have used the right car for the SZ PR stunt, but you had to do an S1-class race and I couldn’t be bothered faffing round with switching between cars. I went back to the SZ in the right sort of car and one-shotted it for a one-third very good SWS. The DS took a couple of attempts because I needed a slightly longer run-up. SWS was one-third good. I also one-shotted the ST for another one-third good SWS. I did the drift HA and even one-shotted the DZ at the end, which is a first for me, I think. Four Rivals races this week. a.) Bola Ocho in the Fiesta was all right, albeit in the wet. b.) The Camry in Gran Pantano was all right, but the car needs proper building and tuning. c.) El Pípila in the Durango was a reminder of what a bloated, pointless barge it is. I think the only times I’ve driven thi...

Because I’m so important, the treasure hunt completed itself for me. Yes, it’s that broken treasure hunt again, which leaves a big red circle on Mulegé, but no reward for doing nothing. With no treasure hunt, I jumped to the weekly in the Ariel Atom, a car which I used to like, but find to be far too light and floaty for my tastes. I one-shotted all the PR stunts and was uniformly rewarded with complete and utter rubbish. I also did 50 Years of Porsche in the 2023 911 Turbo S to win a second 911 Turbo S. Some crappy driving on my part, but I’m very much out of practice with AWD cars. I got a fairly easy wreckage skills HA, although I wish the game would register everything you destroy rather than counting one thing and ignoring the next five before counting something else. I tried the HW PR stunt in the Czinger, but needed the F40 Competizione to get the job done. For the second (?) time ever, the SWS was two-thirds good and one-third very good, which compensated for the rubbish I’d p...

Treasure hunt. Burnout near start to the test track, with the treasure chest in Playa Azul. ¶ Should treasure hunts remain in FH6? I think the problem is with the whole economy of the Forzathon Shop, where the money is rare, and initially difficult to acquire, which can be frustrating when the car may be one that probably won’t become available for a long time afterwards. The treasure hunt is a nice early-game boost, but if you play the game long enough, you’re only doing it for the playlist (and #ForcedEngagement). The weekly challenge put me in the Lotus Exige S for the first time in ages. The challenges were the usual straightforward sort of thing. Move along, nothing to see here. I must go back to the Exige and see what I can do with it. Eventlab (1). Woodsman’s Wonderland . B700 retro rally. (Not again.) Marks off for an overlapping layout on the mini-map. A lot of marks off for a hairpin that vanishes into the background because it’s impossible to see where the turn actually is. ...

The treasure hunt seems to be a matter of doing the stadium circuit inside the track, not starting from outside. The treasure is up near the tunnel to the bridge. I needed it because 130,000+ FPs is utter penury these days. We got the Bentley Turbo R and the Bentayga as gifts. Some players might think we’re being rewarded for our loyalty to the brand. Others might think we’ve got landed with two more chubby paperweights. The weekly in the KTM X-Bow wasn’t worth commenting about. Make up your own comments. “I liked the bit when the car stopped, and the driver got out, and it was a sexy lady in a bikini made of seat material from the Bentley Turbo R.” Eventlab (1). The Mayan Discovery . O hairy-testicled gods, why have ye inflicted this ghastly thing on us again? Eventlab (2). Royal Palms International . Decent layout (barring a couple of overly tight corners) and length, good use of props, sodding awful road surface (which can’t be blamed on the creator). The SWS was one-third excellent...

No treasure hunt again and these days 130,000 FPs or so just doesn’t feel sufficient. What are you trying to do to me, game? Turn me into some pauper? I’ve a good mind to take you out the back of the chemical sheds and thrash you with a soft pair of lady’s undies. However, lady’s knickers aside, I started with the weekly in the 1994 Mazda MX-5 Miata which cause no real problems because I almost certainly used the very car that I used on the previous occasion. Rivals in the 2023 911 GT3 RS was a doddle. I dislike the Porsche Dakar (remember, kids, it’s pronounced “Rallye”), but survived in spite of its slidey ways. Another week with a single Eventlab race. Forza: Warthog Rally is a Halo-themed map, although it’s the only Eventlab race in which I’ve ever seen these props used. It sort of resembles Copper Canyon Cross Country . PR stunts. I one-shotted the TB somehow even though I haven’t done it in ages and took a slightly off line. Rubbish SWS. I also one-shotted the SZ on dirt without...

I started with the weekly in the 2003 VW Golf. I was all right for the events apart from the jump, and as I didn’t want to rebuild my B-class Golf, I bought a new one for that and the speed skills. I got a horn for taking a photo of the 2003 BMW M5 on the bridge. Now I can be as irritating as all the annoying 12-year-olds who insist on blasting me with their stupid horns in races or outside of them. [ You don’t need a horn to be irritating . –ed.] I one-shotted the DZ in my BMW X6 and got a one-third very good SWS. I thought the TB in the crappy old Beetle might be a pain, but I also managed to one-shot it. The strategy is to head towards the road to the right and then go across the sand which is sparsely covered with plants. Rubbish SWS. The ST took a couple of goes because I needed to lower the aero settings on the car. One-third good SWS. Eventlab. VW Rally . Well, half true because about half the circuit is tarmac. Quite a good use of the German flag throughout the course as a deco...

Treasure hunt. MB C63, Mulegé jump. Treasure near the drowned church. I now have over 130,000 FPs. And here’s something which, I hope, FH6 might address in some way. We only have a limited number of skill points, which are easily wiped out, but a grind to recover. Perhaps we could use FPs to buy skill points or something else in the game. The weekly challenge in the 2008 BMW Z4 M was a straightforward affair. Is FH6 going to persist with the Festival playlist? FH5 slightly fixed things by ditching the vexatious Showcase Remixes from FH4 and removing some of the grindier elements of the playlist, but the consensus seems to be that the playlist needs to go. Took a picture. Got a red suit. Gods, do I look like a sleazy lounge lizard or what. PR stunts. I tried the DS with the 2003 Porsche 911, but immediately expected that it wouldn’t have the power. I took a guess that it required an engine swap, but I also added AWD and off-road race tyres because of the terrain. These were good ideas, ...

The weekly in the Audi S1 was unremarkable. I suspect I haven’t touched the car since the last time this was the weekly challenge. I went on to the PR stunts. I one-shotted the DS and got a one-third good SWS. I took a guess that you were supposed to use the Taycan ST for the ST on the motorway. I well exceeded the target speed for a one-third good SWS. And then the wheels fell off with the ultra annoying Barranco TB. Which complete bloody noddy thought that starting a TB with a bunch of concealed rocks was a good idea? Or the path through the trees at the bottom? This was one of those PR stunts which quickly becomes a monstrous time suck, and natürlich, I had to be rewarded with a crappy SWS. Took a picture at the airfield and got an emote. O precious gift of the game, how others shall admire me for my Cool Moves™. [ Be quiet, you blithering ass . –ed.] Eventlab. Caldera Mountain Climb . Use of props, very good. Circuit, good on a mostly flat surface, but not so great on the side of a...

Treasure hunt. Drive along the motorway. Do the speed zone? Or just drive through the cloverleaf junction? Who knows. I completed the task and found that I just about had 127,000 FPs. The weekly in the 2012 MB SLK AMG was unproblematic. I even managed to drift the car for the skill points in spite of it being RWD. Normally, I end up spinning out sooner or later in such cars. Only one Rivals event this month round Mulegé in the Porsche 911 GT3, a car which is all right stock. As I hurtled towards the DS in the MB AMG 45, I sensed that the car needed max. engine to complete the task. My instincts were right, and I had to rebuild the car. One-third good SWS. I wasn’t surprised when it took me three attempts to do the SZ in the 2015 Audi TT before crashing into a rock before the irony of the SWS, which included a 2010 Audi  TT RS. It also took three attempts to complete the DZ in the BMW 325i for which I got a two-thirds excellent SWS. Only one Eventlab this week. Shipyard Autocross B...

Ten wreckage skills in a GT car. I won treasure (alongside the Street Scene outpost) that I don’t need, being a few hundred FPs short of 125K of them. The mural for the photo is just south of the start of Cruce de Valle on the wall of the house. I knew it was round there somewhere from the previous occasion. The weekly in the Lexus RC F was mostly unremarkable. Bad launch in the street scene race in which I didn’t take the lead until the last couple of turns. PR stunts. The DS was tricky because I ended up with too much speed or angle. Rubbish SWS. The TB was vexatious because I know what to do, but haven’t done it in some time. Another rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the ST for more bloody rubbish. Eventlab (1). Mulegé Street Circuit . A variation on the usual circuit which – I probably said this last time – needs practice. Rubbish SWS. Eventlab (2). Aeroplane Graveyard Circuit . Really rally monsters round a cross country circuit. Not well constructed, with the first turn being about 5m ...

 Do a DS in the Caterham, they said, implying that you have to jump 500m. Perhaps I only needed to do a DS in the Caterham. I now have over 120,000 FPs. No issues with the weekly in the 1987 Pontiac Firebird. In an aside, there seems to be an epidemic of idiot players stopping in the middle of the road to block the AI traffic. That used to be an occasional thing in FH4, but I’ve barely ever seen it in FH5. It’s annoying. Stop doing it, you complete plonkers. I one-shotted the DZ and DS, and took a couple of goes to complete the TB (lack of practice, but I just don’t… What is it, Jenkins? … We’ll talk about Japan later . …ever do these things unless I’m required to). And how was I rewarded? Rubbish, rubbish, and more bloody rubbish. I took a photo of the Datsun in the stadium. I won a pair of lacy knickers. Now I’ll be the sexiest boy in Mexico. [ You silly, deluded old git . –ed.] Eventlab (1). Edel Circuit . DUBS’ favourite custom-built circuit. Pity it has to use that horrid road...

 The weekly was in the 2013 Shelby GT 500. I may have retuned one of the cars, but I’m sure the S2-class car was just there to do zoomies. Take the photo where the danger sign over the river is. Went to Playa Azul to check out the hot babes… [ I don’t think you’re allowed to say “hot babes” on the Internet these days . –ed.] I mean, crash into ice creams. I think the game miscounted again, and doesn’t always appear to register events done in quick succession. I did quite a bit of rewinding to complete the TB in my Hoonigan RS200. I know what to do, but as I don’t bother with such things, it’s always trial and error. The SWS was one-third very good. I knew the SZ would be a pain and it was a pain. Again, I know there’s a technique (which is drifting round the U-shaped section). The SWS was one-third good; the wheel spin afterwards when I went up a level was better. (Cries of “Shame!”) I PB’ed the ST on the bridge for a one-third good SWS. Eventlab (1). Sherwood Forest Raceway . This...

Treasure hunt. Trade paint in the VW Beetle, win a wonderful prize. Spend your winnings on, er… I did something different with the weekly challenge. First, I didn’t get the all-too-similar Challenger and Charger mixed up. Second, I did all the tasks in the stock car, which I wrapped in a wood vinyl since I never see anyone using them. I managed to one-shot the TB in the Rimac Concept 2, but suspected correctly that its phenomenal acceleration would compensate for any suboptimal driving. Rubbish SWS. Screw you, game. Took me a couple of goes to do the DZ. I was a little surprised because I thought my first attempt went quite well, whereas my second one had its moments of incompetence. A one-third very good SWS. I used the same car, the Hoonigan Mustang, for the DS and then swapped to the Jesko. PB’ed it, and an SWS that was one-third good and one-third very good. I dealt with the HA after that, fast travelling straight into the event. I discovered last night that I’d never driven the 20...