Occasional Tales

Prefatory note This post is a bit delayed for two reasons. I was going to do the Trial after I got home yesterday only to be disconnected multiple times. Fortunately, the connection was sound again this morning. The other delay was that I was nearly on prestige 8, 1,000, thinking that I had another 200 levels to go to prestige 9. Au contraire , I ended up on prestige 9 this afternoon. And now, the main feature The week started with the weekly in the Audi S1. The only trick question was the last event to win a dirt scramble . I suspect that the last time we did this series, I did a trail race and wondered why I hadn’t completed the task. I took a picture of the snowman at my house in Playa Azul. I’m sure there was a reason. Picture of the Queen of Sheba in a bikini? Could’ve been AI since I’m pretty certain they didn’t have cameras in them olden days. I managed to enter an HA in a timely fashion (i.e., not having to wait 12 minutes). I PB’ed the DS after several [ hundred –ed.] botched...

 Prefatory note. This will be the first repeated series (15) that I haven’t previously recorded here. I had a look back through the entries and found that I started posting tales from FH5 with Series 17, although I may have made notes about Series 15 somewhere else. A notebook? If I remember correctly, we had to gift cars to unlock the Lamborghini Sián in the original series. Thankfully, we’re not having to do that again. I started with the treasure hunt, which didn’t seem to work. Does the car have to be green? I wondered. I repainted it, but that seemed not to have any effect. After several attempts, the hunt was done and I went over to Playa Azul for the treasure. It was only later that I discovered that you had to drive 8km(/5 miles) first. How did anyone determine that since it’s not part of the clue? The weekly was in the Isetta. 89kmh through an ST. I was going about 240kmh, but nothing happened. Oh, a stock Isetta. Fortunately, I have a second one which I was able to downg...

We start the week with #ForcedEngagement, viz. upgrading some Ford Focus on the Test Track (let’s hope this isn’t an exercise which gets repeated in FH6) to win 300 FPs. I have over 144,000, but it was only 142,000 last week. Gods, I’m on my uppers. Spare some FPs, guv? The weekly in the AR Giulia was straightforward enough, but a drag race? Warum? (he said randomly in German.) Oddly enough I managed to do the drift task, RWD, without making a complete arse of myself in the process. For the first time in this series, the Eventlab tiles were live from the start. SZ 2.11 was that awful, extended version of Cathedral with garish lighting stolen from a disco c. 1978. Some of the checkpoints were poorly placed with respect to the turns beyond them. Well, it could be worse, and was in the form of Ark Seacoast Drift Town . The use of props in this one is excellent, but the circuit leaves much to be desired. As I drive in cockpit view, there are times where I can’t see where the next checkpoi...

Eventlab added at no extra cost! Before doing the treasure hunt, I did a little test to see whether driving from Mulegé to the seaside counted. It didn’t. As I think I said on the previous occasion, you drive from Guanajuato to somewhere along the beach near Playa Azul. Another 300FPs to add to the 142,000 or so that I already have. I’m sure I only had 137K about a week ago or so. As I probably also said the last time, the pic of the Maserati on the test track was probably another instance of #ForcedEngagement. Who uses the test track and why would they bother? (#NotInFH6) The obvious choice for the PR stunts was the Taycan CT. I crashed into a tree when I tried to do the DS, but was unsurprised. The trick seems to be to swing to the right. The SWS was one-third very good. I one-shotted the ST for a one-third good SWS. I also did the same to the DZ. A one-third very good SWS. It was then off to do the HW PR stunt because once again, the Eventlab tiles aren’t working. This seemed to be ...

 I probably drove the same HSV Gen-F GTS for this weekly as I did the last time, although since then I’ve painted the car a different colour and have added some stripes. No real problems, but this sort of thing doesn’t take a week to do. I took a picture of the 2022 Ford Focus. I got some pretty bovver boots. The collectibles were easily done. I got a pointless, probably annoying horn. I one-shotted the ST in Guanajuato and got a Shelby Cobra from the SWS. I believe I only had one previously and had been thinking recently I’d like another. The other ST took a couple of attempts because of the awful conditions and a car swap. I started with the Dodge Demon (?), which was ridiculously overpowered and terrible in the wet. One-third excellent SWS. One-shotted the SZ, but the SWS was a disappointment. (Yes, I know, I don’t need the credits.) I postponed the HT in favour of the HW PR stunt because I didn’t fancy the events that were being offered. I one-shotted the SZ in the BMW X6M for ...

Now with added Eventlab. This week’s treasure hunt – TB in a Polestar – worked properly. The treasure was over in Ek’ Balam. The weekly in the Audi TT RS posed no problems. I ought to have used the right car for the SZ PR stunt, but you had to do an S1-class race and I couldn’t be bothered faffing round with switching between cars. I went back to the SZ in the right sort of car and one-shotted it for a one-third very good SWS. The DS took a couple of attempts because I needed a slightly longer run-up. SWS was one-third good. I also one-shotted the ST for another one-third good SWS. I did the drift HA and even one-shotted the DZ at the end, which is a first for me, I think. Four Rivals races this week. a.) Bola Ocho in the Fiesta was all right, albeit in the wet. b.) The Camry in Gran Pantano was all right, but the car needs proper building and tuning. c.) El Pípila in the Durango was a reminder of what a bloated, pointless barge it is. I think the only times I’ve driven thi...

Because I’m so important, the treasure hunt completed itself for me. Yes, it’s that broken treasure hunt again, which leaves a big red circle on Mulegé, but no reward for doing nothing. With no treasure hunt, I jumped to the weekly in the Ariel Atom, a car which I used to like, but find to be far too light and floaty for my tastes. I one-shotted all the PR stunts and was uniformly rewarded with complete and utter rubbish. I also did 50 Years of Porsche in the 2023 911 Turbo S to win a second 911 Turbo S. Some crappy driving on my part, but I’m very much out of practice with AWD cars. I got a fairly easy wreckage skills HA, although I wish the game would register everything you destroy rather than counting one thing and ignoring the next five before counting something else. I tried the HW PR stunt in the Czinger, but needed the F40 Competizione to get the job done. For the second (?) time ever, the SWS was two-thirds good and one-third very good, which compensated for the rubbish I’d p...

Treasure hunt. Burnout near start to the test track, with the treasure chest in Playa Azul. ¶ Should treasure hunts remain in FH6? I think the problem is with the whole economy of the Forzathon Shop, where the money is rare, and initially difficult to acquire, which can be frustrating when the car may be one that probably won’t become available for a long time afterwards. The treasure hunt is a nice early-game boost, but if you play the game long enough, you’re only doing it for the playlist (and #ForcedEngagement). The weekly challenge put me in the Lotus Exige S for the first time in ages. The challenges were the usual straightforward sort of thing. Move along, nothing to see here. I must go back to the Exige and see what I can do with it. Eventlab (1). Woodsman’s Wonderland . B700 retro rally. (Not again.) Marks off for an overlapping layout on the mini-map. A lot of marks off for a hairpin that vanishes into the background because it’s impossible to see where the turn actually is. ...

The treasure hunt seems to be a matter of doing the stadium circuit inside the track, not starting from outside. The treasure is up near the tunnel to the bridge. I needed it because 130,000+ FPs is utter penury these days. We got the Bentley Turbo R and the Bentayga as gifts. Some players might think we’re being rewarded for our loyalty to the brand. Others might think we’ve got landed with two more chubby paperweights. The weekly in the KTM X-Bow wasn’t worth commenting about. Make up your own comments. “I liked the bit when the car stopped, and the driver got out, and it was a sexy lady in a bikini made of seat material from the Bentley Turbo R.” Eventlab (1). The Mayan Discovery . O hairy-testicled gods, why have ye inflicted this ghastly thing on us again? Eventlab (2). Royal Palms International . Decent layout (barring a couple of overly tight corners) and length, good use of props, sodding awful road surface (which can’t be blamed on the creator). The SWS was one-third excellent...

No treasure hunt again and these days 130,000 FPs or so just doesn’t feel sufficient. What are you trying to do to me, game? Turn me into some pauper? I’ve a good mind to take you out the back of the chemical sheds and thrash you with a soft pair of lady’s undies. However, lady’s knickers aside, I started with the weekly in the 1994 Mazda MX-5 Miata which cause no real problems because I almost certainly used the very car that I used on the previous occasion. Rivals in the 2023 911 GT3 RS was a doddle. I dislike the Porsche Dakar (remember, kids, it’s pronounced “Rallye”), but survived in spite of its slidey ways. Another week with a single Eventlab race. Forza: Warthog Rally is a Halo-themed map, although it’s the only Eventlab race in which I’ve ever seen these props used. It sort of resembles Copper Canyon Cross Country . PR stunts. I one-shotted the TB somehow even though I haven’t done it in ages and took a slightly off line. Rubbish SWS. I also one-shotted the SZ on dirt without...

I started with the weekly in the 2003 VW Golf. I was all right for the events apart from the jump, and as I didn’t want to rebuild my B-class Golf, I bought a new one for that and the speed skills. I got a horn for taking a photo of the 2003 BMW M5 on the bridge. Now I can be as irritating as all the annoying 12-year-olds who insist on blasting me with their stupid horns in races or outside of them. [ You don’t need a horn to be irritating . –ed.] I one-shotted the DZ in my BMW X6 and got a one-third very good SWS. I thought the TB in the crappy old Beetle might be a pain, but I also managed to one-shot it. The strategy is to head towards the road to the right and then go across the sand which is sparsely covered with plants. Rubbish SWS. The ST took a couple of goes because I needed to lower the aero settings on the car. One-third good SWS. Eventlab. VW Rally . Well, half true because about half the circuit is tarmac. Quite a good use of the German flag throughout the course as a deco...

Treasure hunt. MB C63, Mulegé jump. Treasure near the drowned church. I now have over 130,000 FPs. And here’s something which, I hope, FH6 might address in some way. We only have a limited number of skill points, which are easily wiped out, but a grind to recover. Perhaps we could use FPs to buy skill points or something else in the game. The weekly challenge in the 2008 BMW Z4 M was a straightforward affair. Is FH6 going to persist with the Festival playlist? FH5 slightly fixed things by ditching the vexatious Showcase Remixes from FH4 and removing some of the grindier elements of the playlist, but the consensus seems to be that the playlist needs to go. Took a picture. Got a red suit. Gods, do I look like a sleazy lounge lizard or what. PR stunts. I tried the DS with the 2003 Porsche 911, but immediately expected that it wouldn’t have the power. I took a guess that it required an engine swap, but I also added AWD and off-road race tyres because of the terrain. These were good ideas, ...

The weekly in the Audi S1 was unremarkable. I suspect I haven’t touched the car since the last time this was the weekly challenge. I went on to the PR stunts. I one-shotted the DS and got a one-third good SWS. I took a guess that you were supposed to use the Taycan ST for the ST on the motorway. I well exceeded the target speed for a one-third good SWS. And then the wheels fell off with the ultra annoying Barranco TB. Which complete bloody noddy thought that starting a TB with a bunch of concealed rocks was a good idea? Or the path through the trees at the bottom? This was one of those PR stunts which quickly becomes a monstrous time suck, and natürlich, I had to be rewarded with a crappy SWS. Took a picture at the airfield and got an emote. O precious gift of the game, how others shall admire me for my Cool Moves™. [ Be quiet, you blithering ass . –ed.] Eventlab. Caldera Mountain Climb . Use of props, very good. Circuit, good on a mostly flat surface, but not so great on the side of a...

Treasure hunt. Drive along the motorway. Do the speed zone? Or just drive through the cloverleaf junction? Who knows. I completed the task and found that I just about had 127,000 FPs. The weekly in the 2012 MB SLK AMG was unproblematic. I even managed to drift the car for the skill points in spite of it being RWD. Normally, I end up spinning out sooner or later in such cars. Only one Rivals event this month round Mulegé in the Porsche 911 GT3, a car which is all right stock. As I hurtled towards the DS in the MB AMG 45, I sensed that the car needed max. engine to complete the task. My instincts were right, and I had to rebuild the car. One-third good SWS. I wasn’t surprised when it took me three attempts to do the SZ in the 2015 Audi TT before crashing into a rock before the irony of the SWS, which included a 2010 Audi  TT RS. It also took three attempts to complete the DZ in the BMW 325i for which I got a two-thirds excellent SWS. Only one Eventlab this week. Shipyard Autocross B...

Ten wreckage skills in a GT car. I won treasure (alongside the Street Scene outpost) that I don’t need, being a few hundred FPs short of 125K of them. The mural for the photo is just south of the start of Cruce de Valle on the wall of the house. I knew it was round there somewhere from the previous occasion. The weekly in the Lexus RC F was mostly unremarkable. Bad launch in the street scene race in which I didn’t take the lead until the last couple of turns. PR stunts. The DS was tricky because I ended up with too much speed or angle. Rubbish SWS. The TB was vexatious because I know what to do, but haven’t done it in some time. Another rubbish SWS. I one-shotted the ST for more bloody rubbish. Eventlab (1). Mulegé Street Circuit . A variation on the usual circuit which – I probably said this last time – needs practice. Rubbish SWS. Eventlab (2). Aeroplane Graveyard Circuit . Really rally monsters round a cross country circuit. Not well constructed, with the first turn being about 5m ...

 Do a DS in the Caterham, they said, implying that you have to jump 500m. Perhaps I only needed to do a DS in the Caterham. I now have over 120,000 FPs. No issues with the weekly in the 1987 Pontiac Firebird. In an aside, there seems to be an epidemic of idiot players stopping in the middle of the road to block the AI traffic. That used to be an occasional thing in FH4, but I’ve barely ever seen it in FH5. It’s annoying. Stop doing it, you complete plonkers. I one-shotted the DZ and DS, and took a couple of goes to complete the TB (lack of practice, but I just don’t… What is it, Jenkins? … We’ll talk about Japan later . …ever do these things unless I’m required to). And how was I rewarded? Rubbish, rubbish, and more bloody rubbish. I took a photo of the Datsun in the stadium. I won a pair of lacy knickers. Now I’ll be the sexiest boy in Mexico. [ You silly, deluded old git . –ed.] Eventlab (1). Edel Circuit . DUBS’ favourite custom-built circuit. Pity it has to use that horrid road...

 The weekly was in the 2013 Shelby GT 500. I may have retuned one of the cars, but I’m sure the S2-class car was just there to do zoomies. Take the photo where the danger sign over the river is. Went to Playa Azul to check out the hot babes… [ I don’t think you’re allowed to say “hot babes” on the Internet these days . –ed.] I mean, crash into ice creams. I think the game miscounted again, and doesn’t always appear to register events done in quick succession. I did quite a bit of rewinding to complete the TB in my Hoonigan RS200. I know what to do, but as I don’t bother with such things, it’s always trial and error. The SWS was one-third very good. I knew the SZ would be a pain and it was a pain. Again, I know there’s a technique (which is drifting round the U-shaped section). The SWS was one-third good; the wheel spin afterwards when I went up a level was better. (Cries of “Shame!”) I PB’ed the ST on the bridge for a one-third good SWS. Eventlab (1). Sherwood Forest Raceway . This...

Treasure hunt. Trade paint in the VW Beetle, win a wonderful prize. Spend your winnings on, er… I did something different with the weekly challenge. First, I didn’t get the all-too-similar Challenger and Charger mixed up. Second, I did all the tasks in the stock car, which I wrapped in a wood vinyl since I never see anyone using them. I managed to one-shot the TB in the Rimac Concept 2, but suspected correctly that its phenomenal acceleration would compensate for any suboptimal driving. Rubbish SWS. Screw you, game. Took me a couple of goes to do the DZ. I was a little surprised because I thought my first attempt went quite well, whereas my second one had its moments of incompetence. A one-third very good SWS. I used the same car, the Hoonigan Mustang, for the DS and then swapped to the Jesko. PB’ed it, and an SWS that was one-third good and one-third very good. I dealt with the HA after that, fast travelling straight into the event. I discovered last night that I’d never driven the 20...

 I’d normally start the Festival playlist with the treasure hunt in case it’s still bugged, but I started with the weekly in the Senna instead. No issues apart from running into a live HA which I ignored to complete the rest of the tasks. For FH6, they need to add a pop-up which says “Join HA Y/N”, which allows players to opt out because the siting of such events is often a blasted nuisance (e.g. over a player house; right across the motorway; etc.) I also used the Senna to find the Festival site south of the stadium and deal with the daily, being the usual photo-at-the-Festival-site routine. I switched to my Range Rover SVR to deal with the collectibles that are supposed to be south of the stadium. The treasure hunt was merely a matter of doing an SZ in the Willys Jeep. I don’t know whether I was supposed to get at least one star, but the job was done and I got my treasure, which was close to the end of the airfield runway. For the first time in a while we had an Eventlab, Skyline...

 A slight delay this week because I was on my hols. I wasn’t going to take my laptop, but because the forecast was for inclement weather, I decided to take it just in case. As it turned out, the weather was the extreme opposite of inclement (which is what we had at home while I was absent). As it turned out, it was a good thing I took my laptop, but for other reasons, and at no time did I play any FH5, mainly because the built-in keyboard is rubbish. I thought that after a week of no FH5, I’d be all rubbish, but it seems not. The weekly was in the Lamborghini Centenario. Another straightforward set of tasks, including other tasks to be done on the Festival playlist such as the piccie at the FH3 festival site. I did the Horizon Tour in a stock (?), but presumably tuned Hoonigan Escort Cosworth, which had by far the lowest PI in my team. I started at the front round El Pípila , but couldn’t match the pace of the cars ahead of me, managing a 4th because the player ahead of me was in t...

The weekly in the 2014 Huracán ended up covering the daily (the visit to the vaguely located Festival site-of-the-week) and the scattered collectibles. I was expecting the novelty speed zones to be pains to do, but one-shotted both of them. Pyramid of the Moon took a couple of attempts as it usually does. One one-third very good SWS, and the other two were rubbish. I ended up ion B-class modern sports cars for Horizon Tour and chose the 2013 BRZ. I ought to have picked the BMW Z4 (older or newer) because the car launched like a slug that’s been nailed to the door of the garden shed. I started from the back round Emerald and came 3rd, but couldn’t catch the Z4s. Started on the front row for Horizon Mexico and came 3rd after overtaking a couple of less competent players, who insisted on sliding into turns. I was on the front row for Mulegé and came 2nd, partly because of a late overtake (again, I’ll beat ’em on corners every time) and partly, I believe, because someone missed a check...

I started with the weekly challenge in the 2013 Viper GTS. It was remarkable only for being unremarkable. I used the car to deal with the daily (visit the Festival outpost in Copper Canyon) and the photo challenge. I one-shotted the East Resort ST for a one-third excellent SWS. I one-shotted and PB’ed the Horizon Baja ST. The SWS included the Ferrari F50 GT, which I kept because I couldn’t recall how many I had. I’d forgotten that the answer to Pantano Pass is to do the run from the Mangrove Scramble . I also don’t have many Fords at the top of S1-class. I thought the Mach E might do the job, but in the end it was the Mustang RTR Spec 5. Rubbish SWS. Like last time, getting the collectibles was a matter of driving along Copper Canyon and smashing the boards. Rivals week again, but neither Lookout nor Mulegé was a problem. Eventlab (1). The Backroads . B700 Mitsubishi (i.e., every bloody modern rally seasonal ever). Marks off for night, rain, glare, a misplaced checkpoint, and irri...