Occasional Tales

 Do a DS in the Caterham, they said, implying that you have to jump 500m. Perhaps I only needed to do a DS in the Caterham. I now have over 120,000 FPs. No issues with the weekly in the 1987 Pontiac Firebird. In an aside, there seems to be an epidemic of idiot players stopping in the middle of the road to block the AI traffic. That used to be an occasional thing in FH4, but I’ve barely ever seen it in FH5. It’s annoying. Stop doing it, you complete plonkers. I one-shotted the DZ and DS, and took a couple of goes to complete the TB (lack of practice, but I just don’t… What is it, Jenkins? … We’ll talk about Japan later . …ever do these things unless I’m required to). And how was I rewarded? Rubbish, rubbish, and more bloody rubbish. I took a photo of the Datsun in the stadium. I won a pair of lacy knickers. Now I’ll be the sexiest boy in Mexico. [ You silly, deluded old git . –ed.] Eventlab (1). Edel Circuit . DUBS’ favourite custom-built circuit. Pity it has to use that horrid road...

 The weekly was in the 2013 Shelby GT 500. I may have retuned one of the cars, but I’m sure the S2-class car was just there to do zoomies. Take the photo where the danger sign over the river is. Went to Playa Azul to check out the hot babes… [ I don’t think you’re allowed to say “hot babes” on the Internet these days . –ed.] I mean, crash into ice creams. I think the game miscounted again, and doesn’t always appear to register events done in quick succession. I did quite a bit of rewinding to complete the TB in my Hoonigan RS200. I know what to do, but as I don’t bother with such things, it’s always trial and error. The SWS was one-third very good. I knew the SZ would be a pain and it was a pain. Again, I know there’s a technique (which is drifting round the U-shaped section). The SWS was one-third good; the wheel spin afterwards when I went up a level was better. (Cries of “Shame!”) I PB’ed the ST on the bridge for a one-third good SWS. Eventlab (1). Sherwood Forest Raceway . This...

Treasure hunt. Trade paint in the VW Beetle, win a wonderful prize. Spend your winnings on, er… I did something different with the weekly challenge. First, I didn’t get the all-too-similar Challenger and Charger mixed up. Second, I did all the tasks in the stock car, which I wrapped in a wood vinyl since I never see anyone using them. I managed to one-shot the TB in the Rimac Concept 2, but suspected correctly that its phenomenal acceleration would compensate for any suboptimal driving. Rubbish SWS. Screw you, game. Took me a couple of goes to do the DZ. I was a little surprised because I thought my first attempt went quite well, whereas my second one had its moments of incompetence. A one-third very good SWS. I used the same car, the Hoonigan Mustang, for the DS and then swapped to the Jesko. PB’ed it, and an SWS that was one-third good and one-third very good. I dealt with the HA after that, fast travelling straight into the event. I discovered last night that I’d never driven the 20...

 I’d normally start the Festival playlist with the treasure hunt in case it’s still bugged, but I started with the weekly in the Senna instead. No issues apart from running into a live HA which I ignored to complete the rest of the tasks. For FH6, they need to add a pop-up which says “Join HA Y/N”, which allows players to opt out because the siting of such events is often a blasted nuisance (e.g. over a player house; right across the motorway; etc.) I also used the Senna to find the Festival site south of the stadium and deal with the daily, being the usual photo-at-the-Festival-site routine. I switched to my Range Rover SVR to deal with the collectibles that are supposed to be south of the stadium. The treasure hunt was merely a matter of doing an SZ in the Willys Jeep. I don’t know whether I was supposed to get at least one star, but the job was done and I got my treasure, which was close to the end of the airfield runway. For the first time in a while we had an Eventlab, Skyline...

 A slight delay this week because I was on my hols. I wasn’t going to take my laptop, but because the forecast was for inclement weather, I decided to take it just in case. As it turned out, the weather was the extreme opposite of inclement (which is what we had at home while I was absent). As it turned out, it was a good thing I took my laptop, but for other reasons, and at no time did I play any FH5, mainly because the built-in keyboard is rubbish. I thought that after a week of no FH5, I’d be all rubbish, but it seems not. The weekly was in the Lamborghini Centenario. Another straightforward set of tasks, including other tasks to be done on the Festival playlist such as the piccie at the FH3 festival site. I did the Horizon Tour in a stock (?), but presumably tuned Hoonigan Escort Cosworth, which had by far the lowest PI in my team. I started at the front round El Pípila , but couldn’t match the pace of the cars ahead of me, managing a 4th because the player ahead of me was in t...

The weekly in the 2014 Huracán ended up covering the daily (the visit to the vaguely located Festival site-of-the-week) and the scattered collectibles. I was expecting the novelty speed zones to be pains to do, but one-shotted both of them. Pyramid of the Moon took a couple of attempts as it usually does. One one-third very good SWS, and the other two were rubbish. I ended up ion B-class modern sports cars for Horizon Tour and chose the 2013 BRZ. I ought to have picked the BMW Z4 (older or newer) because the car launched like a slug that’s been nailed to the door of the garden shed. I started from the back round Emerald and came 3rd, but couldn’t catch the Z4s. Started on the front row for Horizon Mexico and came 3rd after overtaking a couple of less competent players, who insisted on sliding into turns. I was on the front row for Mulegé and came 2nd, partly because of a late overtake (again, I’ll beat ’em on corners every time) and partly, I believe, because someone missed a check...

I started with the weekly challenge in the 2013 Viper GTS. It was remarkable only for being unremarkable. I used the car to deal with the daily (visit the Festival outpost in Copper Canyon) and the photo challenge. I one-shotted the East Resort ST for a one-third excellent SWS. I one-shotted and PB’ed the Horizon Baja ST. The SWS included the Ferrari F50 GT, which I kept because I couldn’t recall how many I had. I’d forgotten that the answer to Pantano Pass is to do the run from the Mangrove Scramble . I also don’t have many Fords at the top of S1-class. I thought the Mach E might do the job, but in the end it was the Mustang RTR Spec 5. Rubbish SWS. Like last time, getting the collectibles was a matter of driving along Copper Canyon and smashing the boards. Rivals week again, but neither Lookout nor Mulegé was a problem. Eventlab (1). The Backroads . B700 Mitsubishi (i.e., every bloody modern rally seasonal ever). Marks off for night, rain, glare, a misplaced checkpoint, and irri...